Saturday, August 17, 2013

Your comments invited for my new book

Update: So many of you emailed me after reading "Sharing Body Heat" on Huffington Post that I still need time to answer you. You sent me extraordinary emails -- moving and powerful. Please be patient because I want to send each of you a personal response. Meanwhile, know that everything you write me is read and appreciated. 

I'm continuing to add new questions and topics to this ever-growing list. Even if you read it when it was first posted a while back, see if there's anything new that intrigues you. Thank you! 

Readers over age 50: I'd love your comments for my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, to be published by Cleis Press early in 2015. I'll be addressing the questions, concerns, and topics you've shared with me in the past and continue to share with me. 

I envision this new book as a comprehensive guide to staying sexually vibrant, active, and empowered as your body ages -- and giving you the solid, up-to-date information that will help you deal with the problems that get in your way.

I'd like you involved. I'm seeking thoughtful, illuminating, quotable comments from you on whatever topics matter to you, as long as they have to do with sex after age 50 in all its colors, stripes, and flavors.

This time, instead of presenting reader stories as I did in Naked at Our Age, I'll be using short quotes -- from a couple of sentences to a short paragraph -- from comments you post here or send me directly. I hope you'll get the conversation started by either commenting here or emailing me privately. Your name won't be used, so please be candid. By doing this, you're giving me permission to publish excerpts in my book, without identifying you in any way.

Anything you want to say interests me, and nothing is too weird or outrageous, as long as it's honest. For example:
  • What has changed about your sexuality lately? 
  • What new attitudes, experiences, techniques, or resources make sex better? 
  • What are the myths and stereotypes about older people and sex, and why are they wrong?
  • What challenges do you face personally? 
  • Which likes and dislikes have changed? 
  • How have your relationships grown -- or failed to grow? 
  • What do you desire now that would have surprised your younger self?
  • If you could change something, what would it be?
  • What do you wonder about other people our age?
  • What do you wish our society understood about our sexuality?
  • What do you wish you understood about your own sexuality?
  • What else would you like me to know?

I know people will be interested in what you post here, but if you'd rather tell me privately, email me. I look forward to hearing from you.

7/27-8/17/13 UPDATE: Here are some specifics I'd like to know from people over 50, any gender or sexual orientation. Choose one or two questions that particularly apply to you or interest you, and either comment here or email me a couple of sentences to a paragraph. By doing this, you're giving me permission to publish excerpts in my book. You won't be identified in any way.

If you're in a relationship now:
  • How do you keep it sexually vibrant?
  • What is interfering with having a satisfying sex life?
  • Do you use any of these with your partner: role-playing, reading erotica, watching porn or romantic films, pet names, silly games, sexy games...?
  • If your relationship is not sexually vibrant, what's missing?
  • Do you consider yourself kinky? What form does that take, and what do you love about it?
  • If you and your partner are monogamous, how do you keep sex lively?  
  • If you and your partner are nonmonogamous, what went into that decision, and what are your boundaries / rules / agreements?
  • How did you meet your partner? How did you know that he/she was special?
  • If your relationship is bad, what would make you decide to leave?
  • Have you used counseling to improve communication, sex, or other issues? 
If you're not in a relationship now:
  • What do/don't you like about being single?
  • Do you consider yourself to be in the dating life?
  • How do you meet other singles?
  • Good, bad, ugly about online dating?
  • Do you have or would you accept a "friend with benefits"?
  • Do you use safer sex with a new partner? If so, what safer sex precautions to you take? If not, what goes into that decision?
  • Describe your worst first date (after age 50).

Whether or not you're in a relationship now:
  • What medical conditions have impacted your sex life, and how have you dealt with them?
  • How have sex toys enriched your sexual enjoyment (either solo or partnered)?
  • How have your sexual likes & dislikes changed after age 50?
  • What would you like to try that you haven't ever done?
  • What do you fantasize about, but you wouldn't like to do it in real life?
  • What are the special LGBT issues related to sex & aging?
  • What didn't I ask that I should have?

I'll continue to update this list when different topics come up. Many thanks! Hope to hear from you.

Joan Price

Condom, Lube Giveaways from Lucky Bloke

Update: Although the contest is closed now, I hope you'll read the interesting info below, including how to choose the right size condom!

What do you do to make safer sex sexier? How does it enhance your sexual enjoyment rather than interfere with it? What is your safer sex policy with new lovers or with non-exclusive partners?

Answer any of these questions and you can win free condoms or lube and dental dams!

I'm teaming together with Lucky Bloke, a condom subscription service offering more options than you thought possible, to find out what you think about safer sex and to reward two lucky people age 50+ with gift samplers of condoms or lubes! 

Here's what you can win:

Condom Sampler: An assortment of 12 different brands of condoms. Some will be familiar; others new to you. If you have a size preference, let me know whether you'd small, medium, or large. Use this Size Test if you don't know:

An empty toilet paper roll easily measures the erect penis of your choice. Click here.


• if there's extra room = SMALLER / MORE TAILORED FIT CONDOMS  (best fit for 35% of men) 

• just enough room = MEDIUM / STANDARD FIT CONDOMS  (best fit for 50% of men)

• if it's too tight = LARGER / GENEROUS FIT CONDOMS  (best fit for 15% of men)

Lube Sampler: I'm often asked which lubricant is best. I have my favorites, but it really depends on you and what feels good to you. This sampler lets you try 12 different lubes so you can figure out your favorite.

Whichever contest you're entering, if you'd like some dental dams for safe cunnilingus, let me know that you'd like those included if you win one of the prizes. Dental dams aren't just for the dentist's office -- they are latex squares large enough to fit over a woman's entire genital area with room to spare so that there's no exchange of body fluids during cunnilingus. I know, they look funny, but they feel fine and don't interfere at all with the pleasure--take my word for it!

Here's how you enter:

1. Be age 50 or over.

2. Email Joan the following:

In 50-80 words, answer one or more of these questions:
  • What makes safer sex (including condoms/ dental dams/ non-penetrative sex) sexy as well as smart at our age?
  • How do you make barrier protection sexier, more fun, and an enhancement of hot sex?  
  • What is your personal safer sex policy with new lovers or with non-exclusive partners, and why? 

3. In your email, include your name, age, email, and mailing address (does not have to be in the US!), and tell me whether you want the condom sampler or the lube sampler and whether you'd like dental dams included if you win.

The best two responses will receive samplers directly from Lucky Bloke, sponsors of this contest, and will be published here and in  The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, to be published by Cleis Press early in 2015. At Joan's discretion, more of your comments may be used in the book, as well.

You may enter by commenting here, but please also email me the info above (#3) so I can notify you if you win. 

By entering this contest or posting a comment here, you're giving me permission to publish excerpts in my book. I won't identify you in any way. Thank you for participating!

Contest is closed, thank you!

Note from Lucky Bloke to you:
Discretion and ethical business practices are paramount at Lucky Bloke. We only use our customer's information for shipping their orders. Everything is shipped discretely and personal information is never shared or made public anywhere.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

"Senior Erotica"? Do we need it, want it?

 The anthology that became Ageless Erotica (Seal Press, 2013) had been a gleam in my eye for years. The older I got and the more erotica I read, the more I wished for erotica that reflected my age, my experiences, my challenges, my sexuality living in an aging body. I wanted erotica that acknowledged the challenges, the liveliness, and the creativity of older-age sex. Twenty-nine erotica writers ages 50 to 70+ came through with stories that amazed and delighted me.

Do people over age 50 need or want erotica about our age group? Personally, at 69, I enjoy sexy writing, but I don’t respond to youth-focused erotica with its quick arousal and inevitable orgasms. When I read about a couple slamming each other against a wall or onto a kitchen counter because their drive is impossibly urgent, my reaction is “ouch,” not “ohhh.” I want to identify with the characters, and I’m most stimulated by writers who write from an older perspective, using characters of our age, experiencing our challenges.

Many -- most? -- people don’t feel this way at all. They’re aroused by characters and scenes that fill a fantasy that is unrelated to age and that takes them away from the realities of their own lives. They don't want to be reminded of arthritic knees or undependable orgasms when they're reading erotica.

Even among my own Ageless Erotica writers, there was no agreement when I asked them about the importance of “senior erotica.” Here's a sampling of their comments:

    Donna's Picture.
  • “Good erotica is never about what the characters look like. It’s about sensations, sexy thoughts, hot words, how the partners give each other pleasure,” says Donna George Storey, author of Amorous Woman, a semi-autobiographical tale of an American woman's erotic adventures in Japan. “For me it was deliciously naughty, a treat for my inner rebel, to write a true story about a juicy afternoon tryst with my husband of 27 years for Ageless Erotica. That story was very, very satisfying to tell.”

  • “I don't believe we need erotica that emphasizes the challenges of seniors -- people read fiction to escape from reality,” says I.G. Frederick, who writes steamy erotic stories and edgy, transgressive fiction. “However, all writers have a responsibility not to marginalize older adults by ignoring them. When they don't appear in fiction they may succumb to the media myth that only the young get laid.”

  • "It’s important for my older characters not only to enjoy good, hot, steamy sex, but also to experience physical and emotional changes and deal with real life insecurities," says Audrienne Roberts Womack, who also writes under the name Lotus Falcon, author of Sugar Dish Mouth Watering Erotic Poetry. "My main objective for writing erotic scenes for older characters is to emphasize that seniors are having and loving sexual relations just as they have always enjoyed it in their youth." 

  • "America and the world at large are obsessed with youth and beauty being paramount to sex appeal," says  Cheri Crystal, an award-winning erotica writer whose Help Wanted: Clitoris Missing In Action features a woman turning 60. "This preoccupation with staying young often affects how we feel about our sexual selves as we age. We want and need to see ourselves in fiction, particularly, erotica, because it makes us feel good no matter how old or how many limitations and challenges we may have." 

  •  “Erotica from an older perspective is fascinating because within us are the memories of a lifetime: adolescent lust, young adult passions, the settled sexuality of middle age, and the difficulties and rewards of older age sex,” says Susan St. Aubin, whose A Love Drive-By includes erotic tales about people of all ages. “At almost 70, I run into more physical limitations, but my interior fantasies remain the same, and the erotic memories continue to grow!”

    Rae Francoeur
  • “When I write erotica, I'm focused on the erotic aspects of lovemaking so that age doesn't really factor into it,” says Rae Padilla Francoeur, author of the erotic memoir, Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Memoir (read my review here). “When we do it, we're not just thinking, hey, watch out for my bad knee. We're hardly thinking at all.” Francoeur shares her writing with her lover, age 73, on date night. “If he says, ‘This is hot,’ I've done my job and I'm about to reap the rewards.” 

Is “senior erotica” a trend? We may never know, because we don’t talk much about our erotica appetite or preferences. But we can make it a trend just by buying, reading, and talking about erotica that acknowledges our age group. 

You’ll be surprised and, I hope, delighted, to expand your fantasy life to see what is possible at our age!