Monday, September 19, 2011

Minna Ola: My Main Squeeze!

"How can you find something new to say about vibrators?" a male pal asked me. "Aren't they all alike, after all?" No, they're not all alike -- and the new Minna Ola shows just how innovative a vibrator can be! There's much to love about the Minna Ola from Babeland.

First notice the overall shape - definitely ergonomic. Hold the comfortable handle, and the padded end fits beautifully over the clitoris and surrounding nerve endings with no painful wrist tweaking.

Second, feel the padded end! It's soft, just right for our delicate tissues. Were they thinking of older women when they designed this? You've heard me complain that some clitoral vibrators are made of materials that are just too darned hard. Not this one! It's cushy.

Third, turn on the vibrator by pressing the button at the narrowest part of the neck, and press the pad again. The harder you press or squeeze, the more intense the vibrations. Sweet! No more figuring out how many times to press the controls to get the strongest vibration. Just press the padded part and it rumbles into action; the harder you press, the stronger the vibes.

Oh, but you're not done with the marvels of the Ola's design. You can create your own perfect pattern! Let's say you like a pattern that goes "quick-quick-slowwww-S T R O N G." Press the bigger button (the one above the on-off button), then press the padded part in that "quick-quick-slowwww-S T R O N G" pattern. Then release your pressing, and the pattern will repeat! Want to lock it in? Press the bigger button again, and the pattern will repeat until you press the button a third time or turn it off.

If those instructions sound complicated, I thought so, too, until I tried it a couple of times. Then it made perfect sense. Fortunately, there's a instruction booklet with clear words and illustrations.

As if we needed more reasons to love the Ola, here are some more:
  • It's completely waterproof. Take it into the bath or shower!
  • It's rechargeable with a magnetic recharger, so easy. No batteries, no cords while in use!
  • It's made of high-quality, body-safe silicone. (Use a water-based lubricant.)
  • It's great for couples as well as solo - nicely curved to fit between bodies.
  • It can be used vaginally as well as clitorally. (I didn't try it this way, too large for me.)
  • It's really quiet.
  • The vibrations are rumbly.
  • It arrives in a cute box with a nice storage bag.

Does this mean it's the perfect vibrator? I wish the strongest vibrations were stronger than they are. But that's me, always seeking turbo power. If you don't need super Hitachi-strength vibrations, yes, it just might be the perfect vibrator!

Thank you, Babeland, for the opportunity to review the Minna Ola!

Minna Ola by Babeland
Imagine never having to deal with confusing buttons or dials on your vibrator again, an... [More]
Price: $149.00

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Dating at Our Age?

I've been pondering the topics I'll cover in my new workshop -- "How the Heck Do I Date at This Age?" -- which I'll debut in Milwaukee and Madison, Wisconsin  on Oct. 1 and 2, 2011. (See my events page for details.)

Can I get you involved? If you're newly dating again, or if you've been single and dating for a long time, what questions and/or tips do you have for the rest of us?

For example, people who attend my book signings and speeches have asked me these questions about online dating and dating in general:
  • Is it okay to lie about my age? If I don't, no one will date me.
  • When I'm ready to have sex with a new person, how do I know if he's "safe"?
  • Why do men pursue me like crazy and then suddenly disappear and I never hear from them again?
  • After I meet someone, how do I say I don't want to see him/her again without hurting his/her feelings?
  • Why do women show photos of their pets and grandchildren on their profiles? I don't want to date their pets or grandchildren.
  • Why do men wear sunglasses in their profile photos? It looks like they're shifty and hiding.
  • Is there a nice way to ask women to send a full-body photo? Not nude or revealing, just showing their body type.
  • Why do men think that 30-50 pounds overweight is "average" build?
  • (From a man:) I posted my profile and got so many responses that I couldn't possibly answer them all. Are men so outnumbered?
  • (From a woman:) I posted my profile -- why didn't I get any responses?

You can bet I have answers for all of these, but I want to know your opinion first and get our community talking. Here's how you can participate with your comments:

  • 1. Choose any of the above questions, and take a stab at the answer.
  • 2. Add questions of your own.
  • 3. Add tips to help seniors navigate dating at our age.
  • 4. What else should we know?

After I get an array of comments, I'll write an update with my views. Your turn first!

Check out more "seniors dating" posts here.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Naked at Our Age Facebook Page

If you wish I'd post more frequently, here's how to get your senior sex information fix daily, or even several times a day: My Naked At Our Age Facebook page is a resource for all sorts of news, views, and tidbits that relate to senior sex and sometimes to sexuality in general.

Here are some recent topics from the past few days:
  • The Great Wall of Vagina: a video about an art project presenting casts of vulvas, so we can see that we're all unique and beautiful, and our vulvas don't need surgical fixing.
  • Vibrators and Airports Don't Mix: When a sex educator traveling in China with her LELO Mia was questioned by non-English-speaking security, how did she communicate what this item was?
  • Do Christians have the largest penis? An 80-year-old blogger blames feminism, homosexuality, and Mexicans for the shrinkage of the average penis from 6.5" to 5.25".  Or is it all a spoof?

I hope I've stimulated your curiosity! Visit, "like" the page so you can comment, and enjoy!


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Friends with Benefits -- at our age?

I get occasional emails from women asking whether a "friends with benefits" -- aka "sex buddy" -- relationship is possible at our age. The women who write me usually worry that they'll become too emotionally involved. I say that if you're worried about this, heed that fear, because it's likely a warning sign that this will happen.

Casual sex without entanglement can work, but only if we really believe it can, and we're clear ourselves as well as with our partners about the boundaries. Are we friends first, lovers second? Are we playing at romance, or refusing to let the relationship become romantic? Are the reasons that we want to be friends with benefits but not actual "in-love" lovers clear and valid to both of us? Honesty is required in this kind of relationship.

One woman asked me whether becoming sexual with a former "in-love" lover would work. I don't think so. If the relationship was once a full-on love affair, and it ended for good reasons, going backwards seems to me just confusing. The emotions that this love affair triggered once can't help but surface again, it seems to me, and someone will get hurt.

I hope I don't need to say that if there's another person involved -- your friend/lover has a primary partner -- that it has to be okay with the partner. Don't sneak or lie -- if it can't happen honestly, it shouldn't happen. I don't moralize much because I believe that anything two consenting adults do is no one's business but theirs. But if another partner is involved, that partner has to give consent, too.

In my thirties, forties, even fifties, I had friends with benefits at various times -- men who remain friends to this day, though it's been decades since we were sexually involved. Could it work today? I think so, given the right man, the right friendship, the right communication, the right circumstances. Please comment if you're involved in a friends with benefits relationship at our age, and tell us your tips for making it work.

Tina Tessina
My friend and writing colleague Tina B. Tessina, PhD, "Dr. Romance,"  is a licensed psychotherapist and author of "The Dr. Romance Blog" as well as 13 books. Her newest book is Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences.  Tina contributes these tips and food for thought before embarking on a friends with benefits relationship:

If you’re thinking about having sex with a friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. We think we can control our feelings, but it's not so simple.

*If one of you becomes romantically attached as a result of the sex, the friendship will probably not survive.

*If you've done it before, and you know you can keep your feelings in check, you might be successful, but what about your friend? Are you sure he or she is aware of his or her own feelings and motives?

*Think about it in advance and talk about it a lot

*Are you going to keep dating others while you're doing this FWB thing?

*What if one of you falls in love with someone else?

* What if you just want out of the deal after a while?

*What if only one of you falls in love, instead of remaining friends?

Keep talking throughout the FWB arrangement It sounds a lot more fun and easier than it really is.

The benefit is being able to have sex with someone you know, rather than a stranger. The disadvantages are: It could be the end of the friendship.

One person (usually the woman) could fall in love, while the other (usually the man) doesn't want to pursue more of a relationship. It may keep you from finding a real relationship, because you're too comfortable to look.

If you start to develop feelings, pay attention! Don't ignore it. Let your partner know, and watch the reaction. If you don't get a positive response, cut off the sex. That's the way to see if the other person is also emotionally attached or not.  Don't languish in a friends-with-benefits relationship when you want more. If he suddenly meets someone else and marries her, you'll be devastated.

If you want to cut off the sex, you need to explain why you're doing it. "I'm developing deeper feelings for you, and since you don't seem to return them, I have to stop having sex with you. I'd like to still be friends."  Or, "I can't even be your friend for a while, because I'm grieving."

Maintaining this type of relationship is not easy for anyone. It only seems easy at the beginning. My office is full of people who had their hearts broken this way.  Older people tend to be a little wiser and more cautious about it than younger people, but all ages get hurt.

Don't just let things develop on their own. Definitely talk about it beforehand, or as soon as possible. You need to establish that the friendship is important to both of you, and you don't want to ruin it. You also need to talk about feelings, to open that subject for future discussion.

* If you want to turn a friendship into a full-on relationship, and you’re serious about it, then you need to talk about that, too. Your friendship will be altered forever when you have sex for the first time. You have things to lose here, and things to gain.

*Make some agreements, discuss the above questions, and keep talking about it.

Back to being friends

Friendships that go from friends to lovers back to friends can be very close, because you know each other so well. The first thing you need  to do is talk about it.  Make a deal that you won't do anything that would jeopardize your friendship, and stick to it. (That means, acting as a friend, and not acting jealous if he/she has a date.)

The more emotionally mature you are, the easier it is to re-establish the friendship. Openness increases intimacy. So friends who can talk about everything feel closer than friends who can't.
©  2011 Tina B. Tessina, reprinted with permission.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Webicina: Top Sexuality Blogs

Sexual Health and Web 2.0Thank you, Webicina, for honoring this blog as one of the nine best sexual health blogs on the Web! Webicina points out,

The web is exceptionally rich in Sexual Health-related information, but many of these sites contain spams or false content. Here we feature only quality social media resources. (AKA Better Than I Ever Expected: Sex & Aging)  is the only blog honored by Webicina that focuses specifically on older-age sexuality, and I'm proud that our age group is being recognized here.

Webicina is dedicated to offering patients "the most relevant, curated, medical social media resources" covering 80+ medical topics, 3,000 resources, and 17 languages. was co-founded by Dr. Bertalan Mesko, the author of the award-winning medical blog,; speaker, health 2.0 consultant and innovator who has been helping physicians enter the social media era and empowered patients find medically reliable content online for years.

Check out the other 8 winners -- they're well worth your time!