Monday, January 26, 2009

Guide To Getting It On: best sex "manual" ever!

I love the new Guide To Getting It On, 6th Edition, by Paul Joannides, Psy.D., illustrated by Daerick Gross, Sr. At 992 pages, it may be the biggest, most up to date, and most comprehensive sex manual you'll find for adults of all ages --and in my view, it's also the best.

You'll learn plenty, even if you think you know it all, and the warm, friendly, often funny style will keep you reading even after you've sated your curiosity about some topic or other. Even the Table of Contents is worth reading carefully, with titles such as "Orgasms, Sunsets & Hand Grenades"; "Balls, Balls, Balls"; "Oral Sex -- Penises & Popsicles"; "Oral Sex -- Vulvas & Honeypots"; "Fun With Your Foreskin"; "Techno Breasts & Weenie Angst"; and "Kink in the Animal Kingdom."

At first, I was disappointed that there was no specific chapter about senior/elder sex and just sporadic mentions of older age at all (such as brief sections on menopause and "The Couch-Potato Penis"). But the more I read, the happier I became that Joannides includes our age group as part of the big whole of humanity, not compartmentalizing us as needing extra delicacy or cheerleading. There's a marvelous illustration of a couple maybe in their eighties, both leaning on walkers and kissing fervently, a former edition of the book propped in front of each of them. The chapter is about kissing -- not about elder kissing, just about kissing. How refreshing!

Of course there are chapters that we of a certain age don't need any more (except to leave strategically for our grandchildren) about first times, birth control, "what's inside a girl," and so on. But, my goodness, even with my knowledge and jaded experience, I learned a heap of fascinating facts about sex through the ages, the evolution of underwear, sex in cyberspace, various kinks, even the sex history of Barbie dolls (really -- you've got to read about Cock-Ring Ken!).

Thank you, Paul Joannides, for such a fresh, funny, and fascinating look at our world of sex. Highly recommended!

Check out Guide To Getting It On from Goofy Foot Press or Amazon.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Can Men be Attracted to Gravity-Challenged Breasts?

I was interviewed recently by Sarah Hampson about Boomer sex and dating for Canada's Globe and Mail. The article, "Boomers, it's a brave new sexual world," appeared 1/15/09 and has attracted many reader comments, mostly people objecting to the tone or examples in the article, and several exhibiting the "ick factor," as I call it -- such as these examples:

  • I don't really want to hear about people my parents age having sex.
  • Geriatric sex is just nasty. Back in the closet Woodstock.
  • Please go have your "old-person" sex somewhere else, but for everyone's sake do it quietly.
  • I am now canceling my subscription to the Globe and Mail.
A quote from me in the article, "A man is attracted to you because he is attracted to you, not the shape of your breasts," led to this comment from a reader:

This woman expert is clearly out to lunch on this one ... discounts the physical part of attraction altogether, which for man is probably at least 50/50 with personality. The shape of a woman's breasts are definitely part of the attraction package.

I had to respond:
Actually, I'm not discounting the physical part of attraction at all. What I am discounting is the notion that only a youthful appearance can be attractive. We ARE attractive and sexy even if our breasts are susceptible to gravity over time. My wonderful husband always exclaimed that he was stunned by the beauty of my far-from-perky breasts. Let's just get over the youth orientation of what our society and the media label beautiful and/or sexy....

Then I had to laugh at the follow-up comment from another reader:
Your husband is also biased. Do you honestly think a husband is going to tell his wife he prefers the firm, perky breasts of a 20 y/o. No...he just dreams about them.

This amused me because as much as "the firm, perky breasts of a 20 y/o" fit society's image as beautiful, and I never begrudged Robert any pleasure or fantasy he might have enjoyed when seeing (or imagining) a young woman's cleavage, Robert was not wishing that I had breasts (or face, or feet, or hair) that were anything other than reality. He was an authentic man, and he valued authenticity in the woman he loved. He told me so, and proved it with his words, his caresses, and the delight in his eyes.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

"A Powerdrill in Your Pants" -- Who wants that?

I get many spam emails advertising a bevy of erectile enhancement drugs and devices. I delete them without reading them. Today one came through with a header promising "a powerdrill in your pants." Others tell me (thinking I'm a man, or not caring who I am) that my woman will love being pounded, plundered, and otherwise assaulted with a huge tool.

Who actually believes -- and buys! -- this stuff? Is there a man alive who really thinks we women erupt in orgasms over a "powerdrill" of a penis? Ewwww. Even the thought is painful. Has anyone today -- male or female -- missed the message that a woman's pleasure center is her brain, number one, and her clitoris, number two. A powerdrill in the vagina doesn't set off either one of these. I wouldn't even insert an electric toothbrush. (Now a made-for-the-task vibrator, that's another story. But more on that another time.)

And while I'm questioning the sexual messages that bombard us, have you noticed that every time a couple on television get excited enough to start shedding clothing, they rip clothes off each other and often start having intercourse on the floor, or on a narrow couch, or against the wall, anywhere other than the comfort of a bed. And forget foreplay. Just get to it.

Even when I was young and quick to arouse, I chose comfort, slow arousal, and leisurely sex. Am I the only woman who never had sex against a wall, and who never wanted to? Or is this just one more example of how media sex is disconnected from real sex?

Are we teaching our young people that this is the way we like and expect to be treated? Shudder.

I welcome your comments!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Rita Rudner: Funny and Frothy

With a title like I Still Have It... I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething by Rita Rudner, I expected a laugh-filled and -- I hoped! -- spicy look at aging.

The essay collection is funny, but most are unrelated to aging (except with a 50-something's perspective) and there's nothing you wouldn't want your grandkids or minister to see you reading.

My biggest chuckles came from the one-liners, like these:

I bought a new wrinkle cream. If you use it once a day, you look younger in a month. Twice a day, you look younger in two weeks. I ate it.

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

I have a new push-up bra. It's an underwire made of this special new metal that's attracted to the fillings in my teeth.

Nothing hilarious, but entertaining in a light, frothy way. Let's see what she writes at sixty!