Monday, June 25, 2007

What Don't Older Men/Women Understand about Pleasing Each Other?

I received this email from Jeane, who doesn't feel that men understand older women's sexual needs. I've had similar complaints from men about women.

I have found through an eternity, that the only good sex partner I ever had was my first husband. None could beat him. And that meant going through husband number two as well who didn't know much. And during those years of my divorce, and was single, I have been with a few. I have found what men don't know about pleasing women could fill an encyclopedia that would wind around the earth's circumference.

The Big Bravado they show from teen-aged boys through the ages is just that...Big Bravado. They haven't got a clue to a woman's sexually and what really "gets her going." No wonder women have given up and use dildos and other prosthetic objects to obtain some satisfaction. I'm at the "ho-hum" with it or without
it...and of course, there's always a dildo. Just sick of it all... Over-exposed and repressed all at the same time.

As for pleasing women, older women need MORE TIME being aroused. Problem is, with time, most men require less or else they "lose it." There are sex shops now that will accommodate needs for both.I found out about them because I had "brachytherapy" treatments in the spring of 2005 after a hysterectomy and have to use "something" once a week to keep myself "open" or I can close up from scar tissue from these radiation treatments. Therefore, I can tell you that I got rid of modesty when my physical well being was involved and went to one of these shops.

You have my permission to use all this material. Maybe someone else out there went through something similar.

I know that Jeane's email may seem anti-men, and I hope you realize that this blog is absolutely pro-men as well as pro-women. I encourage you to express yourself, and by communicating candidly, perhaps we can begin to erase (or at least smudge) the lines that divide us.

Let's open up a dialogue about what we'd like the other gender to understand about pleasing us. Please add to the discussion by posting a comment or by emailing me, and I'll post it for you.

-- Joan

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sue Johanson: Great Sex after 30 Years of Marriage

Feisty Sue Johanson, who entertains and informs viewers of Talk Sex with Sue Johanson on Oxygen TV, tells the July/August 2007 issue of AARP The Magazine how to have great sex after 30 years of marriage. Her tips:

Talk about cellulite. Talk about wrinkles. Ignoring changes in your body won't make them go away.

Dress up like Tarzan. Or a nurse. No one else will know.

Guess what? Many older couples don't like penetration. Luckily it's not the only way to have fun.

Do the dishes naked.

Waiting until you're in the mood is baloney. Try going along with your partner when you don't feel like it. You might be surprised.

Take a vacation. It's amazing what happens in Nassau.

What should we add to this list? I'd add these:

Get a sampler kit of lubricants and try them all.

Read erotica to each other.

Take tango, waltz, or nightclub 2-step lessons.

Surprise each other.

Your turn -- what would you add?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Kerri Fivecoat-Campbell interviews Joan Price

I was interviewed by Kerri Fivecoat-Campbell about the motivation and process of writing Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty. Here are a few excerpts from Kerri's interview with me:

This Author Talks Straight about Sex
Today, I interviewed Joan Price, author of "Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty." She talks about writing a ground-breaking book on an undercovered subject, building her platform on the web and how she sold a book targeting women over 60 when the market place seems almost to ignore anyone over 40!

Tell us a bit about yourself.
I'm a lively woman of 63, enthusiastically in love with my husband. I'm the author of six books and hundreds of magazine articles, a fitness professional, public speaker, and contemporary line-dance instructor. Since my book, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, came out and got widespread attention, I've become a spokesperson for senior sex, or, as I call myself, an advocate for ageless sexuality. (I've also been called a "wrinkly sex kitten" by one newspaper – I have to say I love that!)

Tell us about your book.
Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty is mainly my intensely up-front-and-personal story of hot sex with my 68-year old lover (who is now my 70-year-old husband), along with snippets of interviews with other sexually seasoned women about their experiences, and a hefty dose of tips from the experts. It's warm, sexy, candid, often funny, and very informative!

How did you come up with the topic/why did you feel there was a need for it?
At age 59, when I first envisioned the book, I was in a relationship with this amazing man of 66, and it was hot, really hot. We were like a couple of teenagers, yet with the wisdom of decades of relationship experience. Despite the sexual exhilaration, we were making love in older bodies, with new challenges. For example, I didn't lubricate enough for sexual comfort, and my arousal time took much longer. I went looking for books on the subject – and I didn't find any that reflected what I wanted: sexy, fun to read, and informative. They were either academic, or doom-and-gloom, or too young. See, there were tons of books for and about Boomers, but they addressed readers as if they just turned fifty—when actually, for many of us, fifty was a decade ago! There are books about sex after forty, after menopause, after fifty—but after sixty? It's as if "sixty" is the new dirty word.

What is one of the challenges for women who want to be sexually active after 60?
Just one challenge? Can I give you a list instead?
· Seeing our bodies as sexy despite wrinkles and sags and a youth-centered society
· Slower arousal
· More difficulty lubricating
· More difficulty reaching orgasm
· If single, attracting a partner
· If in long-term relationship, keeping sex spicy
· Health challenges: ours and our partners'

Kerri Fivecoat-Campbell's "K.C.'s Write For You" is a blog about the freelance writing life from the perspective of a stay at home "mom" of 3 dogs, 2 cats and a husband.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Sexy Seniors Pose Nude For Charity Calendar

I love this! A group of women in their 70s and 80s decided to pose nearly nude for a calendar to raise money for their historical society in Monongahela, a small community near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The Associated Press picked up the story, which is why you'll read it in your newspaper and hear it on the radio. The most interesting part of this story is the reactions from the media. Just what you'd expect -- the newspapers label it "weird news" and newspeople comment, "I don't think I'll want to look at that."

Why not? At what age does a woman cease to be sexy or attractive? 39? 45? 50? Personally, I think we get sexier and more attractive as we age, because we radiate who we are, our vigor and experience, our self-knowledge, our capacity for loving and living. We "earn" our wrinkles -- they are our badges of experience. Anyone who would dismiss the twinkle in our eye because of the wrinkles in our neck deserves to miss out on what we can offer!

I haven't seen the calendar, but I understand the props -- poinsettia, umbrella, piano -- are strategically placed so that nothing shows except face, neck, and maybe a bare shoulder. But it's still cool that these women had the gumption and self-confidence to say, hey, let's shake things up a bit!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Bill B: 59-yr-old Guy's Viewpoint

I just received an email from Bill B., age 59, who brings up so many provocative topics and expressed so skillfully that I'm giving Bill his own post here:

Hi, Joan, I just became aware of your book about sex over 60 featuring the feminine perspective and look forward to reading it. In response to some of your questions, as a guy, I think we generally like things presented in a "Problem: Solution" format. For example; a chapter titled 'Rise & Shine' might present the various forms of ED, and then some of the available answers for each 'challenge'.

While I'm currently most interested in keeping my long term relationship viable and fun, I would like to know how I might have to deal with forming new relationships after becoming a 'sudden single'. I hope there'd be room and topic enough for both sides of relationship issues.

I would like to read men's perspectives on the issues, both from a what didn't work, to what did and, when possible, why. Possibly a survey of some sort, answered by both men and women might provide some supportive insight to the specific cases or examples you would cite. Maybe it would present something like:

"John's gruff attempts at intimacy made him feel like something else had been lost to aging; he couldn't remember the way to a woman's heart, so he quit trying because he would just fail again. Marcy is married to a man like John, and feels ... about it. Our Survey shows xx% of men say that they share these feelings and have found that ... helps fix the problem. yy% of women responding to Marcy's situation say ... Clinical remedies suggest that ... is usually effective in cases like this because ..."

I would also like a woman's perspective on the things I feel and experience. Sometimes a spouse can be too supportive, when a firm dose of reality might be better in the long run (maybe that's another 'guy' thing).

I like all the topics you suggest. Most guys in my age group were pretty heavilly 'John Wayne-ized' as kids, i.e.: emotions are for women and non-men. I think a chapter or section titled something like "I wonder if other guys ... ?" that dealt with subjects guys don't usually discuss could be worthwhile. I grew up in a single mother household and didn't get to see the daily life of a man. I'm far from alone in that. We've had to make it up, or copy it, from whereever we could.

Another thought occurs to me; If you want to lose a little title symmetry with your other book, you might call it "Sex after 60 for men: A user's guide" -- Muy Macho! I suspect that might cost you quite a few readers, because I think more women are still going to buy this book than men. After all; we're men, and don't need to stop for directions for anything (a feeling too true for too many guys).

Most of the sex manuals I've bought in the past were intended for my wife; I might browse some, pause at the art, and then put it somewhere she'd have to almost stumble over in hopes she'd read it and become my dreamt of 'whore in the bedroom' without my having to actually deal with anything. Of course it didn't work, so my fix was to stop buying those silly manuals -- they clearly weren't worth much! I wonder if any of the publishing companies have buyer stats on their various sex manuals, and if they'd share them?

You have my permission to post any or all of this email with my signed name. I'm clearly no author; these are just some ramblings that occurred to me as/after I read your request for thoughts. I'm 59, Male, Married, Cauc, Some College, retired from USAF, retired from a computer consultancy, and have way too much time to annoy others.

Best of luck with your project,
Bill B.

What good timing, Bill, because I'm drafting my new book proposal this month. You've reinforced my ideas and given me some new ones. Readers like you, who get genuinely involved in speaking out about senior sexuality, let me know that I'm not on this mission alone!

Readers: Please comment. Men, do you agree that you'd be interested in the book Bill describes? Any additional ideas? Women, do you agree that you buy the books about sex, even (especially?) those for and about men?

Thanks, everyone!

-- Joan