Friday, February 23, 2007

Sex and Older Bodies

I invite you to read my second column for Suddenly Senior: Sex and Older Bodies: Tips, Tools, and Tricks that Work! Here's an excerpt:

I‘m often asked in media interviews for tips for great senior sex. Here's what has worked for me:

1. Communicate. Tell your partner what you're feeling, or not feeling, and describe what would make sex better or more comfortable for you. Your partner wants to understand and please you.

2. Take lots and lots of time. We need more time to become aroused and make the delicious journey to the crashing waves. Set aside a couple of hours so you have time for the full experience, from the first kiss to the afterglow cuddle.

3. Find positions and props that enhance your comfort. A special shaped pillow like the Wedge and a silky lubricant can make all the difference in comfort!

4. Explore erotic helpers. I wrote a whole chapter on sex toys in Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty, including divulging my favorite.*

* I didn't go into more detail about my favorite in my Suddenly Senior column, but I'll tell you here -- it's the Eroscillator. Click on the photo below to visit the Eroscillator website. You'll have to read my book to learn just how this magical machine enhances our love life -- though if you ask, I'm likely to reveal more here!
Advanced Response

I also talk in this column about how sexual expression can be an affirmation and celebration of life when dealing with a severe, even catastrophic, illness:

Many of you are familiar with the love story I tell in Better Than I Ever Expected about my romance with Robert.
Since the book was written, two major events in our lives happened: Robert and I got married, and Robert had six months of chemotherapy to treat his leukemia and lymphoma (happily now in remission).
Each chemotherapy treatment left Robert sick, depressed, and exhausted. Then, as he started to come back, he wanted to make love."I sought to be whole, not damaged by cancer and chemo, celebrating the source of life," he told me. "I needed to feel alive and well, not just a 'survivor.' I wanted to express myself completely through this body that felt violated."

I'd love to hear from other people who have had similar -- or different -- experiences.

1 comment:

  1. Joan: What a great blog, with wonderful ideas and attitude. You are so right about communication being the number one key to great sex, but that is true at any age. Not just for seniors.

    In fact, it's the pace, sensitivity and communications that lovers learn that makes sex keep getting better. Perhaps, it takes maturity to really have that wonderful level of heighten sexual sharing. But it doesn't require being older, just wise enough to recognize each other's humanity and wonder at each other's sexuality.

    BTW, it took me a couple of minutes to realize how to leave a comment. At the end of your entries, it gives the number of comments for that entries -- for instance: "1 comment"
    I didn't realize that I had to click on the number of comments to leave a comment.


My readers and I appreciate your thoughtful comments. Please share your views! Comments are moderated, so yours will not appear until I approve it. I'm not censoring your ideas, but I am deleting commercial messages and testimonials for penis enlargement, erectile magic, sex toys / retailers that I do not endorse, escort services, and so on.

If you're a reader who wants to exchange views and experiences, I welcome you. Some people have reported problems commenting. If this happens to you, please email your comment (with the name under which you want it posted) to, and I can post it for you.

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-- Joan