Wednesday, September 29, 2010

10 Tips for Hot Sex after Sixty

This blog has welcomed thousands of new readers since I first posted these tips in April 2006, so I'm posting them again for your pleasure. If you'd like a pretty, print-worthy, colorful page of these tips in .pdf format, email me and I'll send them to you.

1. Slo-o-o-w-w down. Yes, it takes longer to warm us up. Fortunately, one of the best things about mid-life and later-life sex is the absence of urgency for our partners, also. They enjoy slow sex as much as we do! Make sex play last hours... or days.

2. Kiss and kiss. Kiss sweetly, passionately, quickly, slowly, contentedly, hungrily, lightly, sloppily. All kinds of kisses help you bond with your partner, warm up, and enjoy the moment.

3. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your own and your partner's bodies. Jewelry, lingerie, feathers, fringe, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight--whatever looks good, feels good,

4. Do sexy things together long before you hit the sheets. Dance together. Visit lingerie or sex toy shops. Leave sexy notes in each other's pockets. Give each other little gifts.

5. Do sexy things on your own to get yourself in the mood. Wear sexy lingerie under your everyday clothes. Work out. Swim. Dance. Fantasize. Write in your journal all the sexy things you want to do together. Spend some time humming with your vibrator.

6. Make love during high energy times. Midnight sex after a romantic meal may work for young folks, but we're more likely to feel full, bloated, and ready to sleep. Instead, make sex dates in the morning or afternoon. (Why do you think they call it "afternoon delight"?)

7. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days. Lucky for us that sex toys are easy to find, fun to try, and wow, do they work!

8. Use a silky lubricant. We don't have the natural moisture we used to, but there are many different lubricants that feel great and bring back the joy of friction. When your partner applies it, it becomes an erotic part of sex play.

9. Enjoy quality snuggle time before, during, and afterwards. Holding each other, feeling the warmth and texture of each other's skin, is one of the sweetest and sexiest parts of making love.
10. Laugh a lot. Play silly games, invent special words, tease each other, rediscover your childhood together. Laughter is bonding, joyful, ageless--and sexy.

(These tips are copyright 2006 by Joan Price and may not be reprinted without permission from Joan Price. Thank you!)


  1. I am a 26 year-old student in the aging track at Columbia University's graduate school of Social Work and I am hoping you will allow me to reprint your brilliant "ten tips for hot sex after 60." I am hoping to use them in a flyer I am putting together as an assignment for my Aging: Issues, Policies, Research and Programs class. Your list is so full of simple but crucial concepts for understanding and enriching sexuality as people age.

    I also wanted to tell you how inspiring your web site has been to me. Your book looks wonderful!

  2. Thank you, Liz! It's wonderful to see that this information is valued by the academic community. I look forward to hearing how it is received by your class.

    -- Joan

  3. These are great ideas, but once again the presumption that “hot sex” is for couples only is very apparent.

    I don’t think it’s very realistic or fair to imply that when we’re over 60 we’ll of course have, or necessarily even want, a partner. In fact it’s not realistic or fair to assume this about people of any age.

    The article doesn’t specify whether the couple is a man and woman, or two people of the same gender, which is good. I think it would mean a lot to readers who don’t have partners if another article followed this one with hot tips for solo sex, emphasizing how good that can be too.

    This article could more accurately be called “Hot Tips for Couples Over 60.” Then it wouldn’t be supporting the Western cultural misconception that good sex is only about pairs of humans.

  4. Heck, use lots of silky lubricant is good no matter how old you are! I'm 25, and my bottle of lube is probably one of my most prized sex possessions (along with my silicone dildos and my Hitachi Magic Wand). From your comment, you make it sound like younger folks can always make all the lubrication they need... and that's simply not true. Adding some lube is always a good thing if sex is hurting for whatever reason... go slow at first, use more lube is the mantra of people who practice anal sex, and it's a good mantra for vaginal penetration as well.

  5. When anonymous challenged you to follow up with a post on hot sex over 60 without all the muss fuss and hassles of a partner, it sounded like a pretty good idea to me. Anything that encourages more enjoyment of sex in any form is great! For myself, I find the relationship to be central, but I know that's not possible or desired by everyone.

    However, in fairness to you, Joan, on a second read-through, it appears to me as though you'll have to change very little to brush this one up for a more generalized approach.

    "Anonymous" did get it right that it is incredible to see how often the assumption is couples. "You're over 50? Of course, what turns you on is plain vanilla. Boys and girls. Right?"

    Bleah!! Wrong again!! It might be. It might not be.

    I guess it's a step to get people to accept any kind of sex at all for older people, but it's just a start. All those "-isms" miss just how unique any given human being is. Ageism is no different.

    Some of us love sex, some of us hate sex, some of us don't care about sex, and that's just the start.

  6. I think these tips can apply to just about any age. Great tips and will definitely keep them in mind to keep things exciting.

  7. A great tip no.7. Sex toys can spice up any sexual relationship at any age! Just start or with the massager type then move on.

  8. My husband of two years, who is 67, likes to wear lacy, tight underwear. It makes him feel sexy. I don't get turned on by men in a facsimile of ladies' underwear, but it does the trick for him.

    Although this has always been a proclivity of his, he never shared his wish with any previous partner. I consider it a compliment to me that he allows himself to be himself while with me. I have had relationships where men were unfaithful, mendacious, or mean, and in comparison to that, who cares about a bit of ladies' underwear?

  9. Anonymous, good for you being accepting of your husband's turn-on, even though it isn't yours. I agree -- it's a compliment to you that he felt he coud share this with you. You've got a great relationship, I can tell. Thank you for commenting here!

  10. Along the lines of erotic helpers my last live in and I devoted a room to sex. Since we often had grandchildren visiting (we were both over 60) we put a key lock on the bedroom door. Inside we put a futon and a couch. We added handicap grab bars low on the wall by the futon and took a stair rail and mounted it horizontal like a ballet bar above the couch. We both came to love these "grip rails." We decorated the room with erotic posters we found on line and added some erotic photos we found in magazines. We bought some erotic statues. We put in soft lights and candles. Took our romantic music, adult magazines, Adult videos, sex toys, erotica books, and love poems into that room.
    We kept everything sensual and erotic. We did add some fun and put up a shelf and filled it with lubricants we found on line, many purchased for their brand name. Smooth and Slick, Climax, For Play, Elbow Grease, Hand Job, KY Silky, Lick-a-Puss, Sex Grease, Erection Lotion, Safe & Clean, Jac-Off Lube, AstroGlide, Joy Jelly, Motion Lotion, and Embrace.

    For sure we still often made love and masturbated together in the master bedroom. But when we decided to go to our Erotica Room we were focused on having sexual fun. In the afterglow we'd often sleep on the futon until morning.

    Having adult kids and grans visiting often it was nice to have the Erotica Room locked and appear to be just a storage room while the rest of the house remained "proper."

    We did show the room to a few close friends from time to time. Those who saw it loved the idea. But never heard of anyone setting one up in their own home.

  11. Ron -- what a great idea to have an Erotica Room just for sex. I love this and will share it in my workshops! -- Joan

  12. Anonymous, I didn't mean to ignore your suggestion about Tips for Hot Solo Sex. As John commented, very little would have to change. But I'm working on a separate list -- stay tuned. -- Joan

  13. I'm seriously working on the "solo' version of these tips. If there's anything you think I should include, do share! -- Joan

  14. How delightful to find sex is not defunct by 60. I haven't quite reached it yet. However, having had a puritanical streak all my life, I have been feeling really doomed!

    I always had one minor health issue or another, cystitis, for instance, so my sexual history already seemed blighted by lack of spontaneity way before 60!

    Being persuaded to turn back the biological clock with hormone therapy seems the "online" and official medical answer. However, it rings false for me. It seems we are always trying to scientifically retain youth even if it may threaten human life, so to find there might be an emphasis on "safe sex" WITHOUT hormones brings hope.

    Trying to find out what CAN be done rather than what possibly can't any longer is so much more positive. Also learning tolerance for peccadillos helps us relax and enjoy rather than worry.

    Perhaps the hardest part is being brave enough to ask questions without feeling naive and laughable. For instance, is it typical for women around my age to experience increased desire & feel sex even more important and not just to counteract the perception that a few wrinkles or gray hair renders us invisible?

    Do more informed or sensitive men out there know this before we know it ourselves?


  15. Loree, thank you for your comment. "Perhaps the hardest part is being brave enough to ask questions without feeling naive and laughable." -- You're right about that. I've been considering writing a whole blog post on that topic, after spending 12 days traveling and speaking at 7 venues.

    Sometimes people asked questions freely. Other times, I had to invite "consultations in the corner" to find out what they wanted to know.

    "Is it typical for women around my age to experience increased desire & feel sex even more important...?" Absolutely! Often after menopause, women feel more sexually vibrant and free.

    There's no one "normal." Whatever you feel is just right.

  16. Hi Joan,
    Thanks for this great site! I had a wonderful example of sex and being older in my incredible grandparents. They were fantastic. I just lost them last year and the year before, but this is one of my favorite stories about them! (You don't have to put this link in if you don't want to, I just thought you would enjoy my little story.) My grandmother told all us granddaughters this story and we cherish it and laugh about it all the time.

  17. I am so thankful and pleased to be part of the senior sexual revolution. My partner is 80, and I am 76. He uses the little blue pill and I use personal lubricant which he skillfully and erotically applies. He is a wonderful lover, we have fun in bed, enjoy our sex together. We consider ourselves blessed.


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