Saturday, June 02, 2018

Talk to Me about Senior Invisibility

If you're over 50, 60, 70 and beyond -- in what ways do you feel invisible as a sexual being? E.g. from medical professionals? community services? caregivers? colleagues? dismissive attitudes from others?

I'm collecting examples for an upcoming talk. Comment here or email me with the subject header "Invisible." I won't use your name if I quote you. Please include your age.

Here are some examples from readers of my Naked at Our Age Facebook page (which I hope you'll "like" if you haven't already) to get you thinking:

💬 I'm 64. A few years ago, I saw a male physician who began almost every sentence to me with "A woman of your age...." as if I was geriatric in every sense of the word and he needed to explain how I no longer had the physical abilities of a "young and healthy" woman.  He was lecturing me on how I needed to change my expectations for my body and make allowances for those changes. The irony was his age, at least 50 himself. 

💬 I was using the free wi-fi at the Senior Center. Anything that has “sex” in it is blocked.  

💬 I'm 53, and I often feel invisible in social groups. I was in a mixed-age group once  online where younger men were telling sex jokes. An older woman joined in, not flirting with them, just telling her own stories. When she mentioned being in her early sixties they flipped out, complained about feeling sick, and so forth. Honestly a lot of men my own age aren’t much better. Sometimes I look in the mirror to see if I’ve grown a second head with the way that they act. I just don’t feel comfortable flirting and being sexual the way I used to because of the negativity I keep seeing towards women over 50.  

💬 Try being a gentleman and over 70. If I compliment (all PC and non sexist) a woman under 50, I get the "dirty old man" look! Can't a compliment just be that? My wife often will compliment another gal on her fashion, and it's accepted with a smile. I wouldn't dare try that! 

💬 I want to be invisible, in fact miles away, when someone at a family gathering starts talking about: their hemorrhoids
* his Viagra use
* how he pees in the middle of the night
* how, when he was a kid, he used a piece of liver to jack off
* asking pretty young women to sit close to him
All of these fall under too much information (TMI). I don’t need word pictures of things I don’t want to see. 

Your turn!

1 comment:

  1. It always distressed me when family members of my generation, that is, born in the 80s, get all wrapped around the axle about our parents having sexy fun. When I protest, I am told, re these prejudices, "That's normal" and that's terrifying! I worry that when it's time for us to give the previous generation health care, their sexuality is going to be treated like it doesn't exist. Will that happen to us with our kids' generation?

    I actually have a recording from my aunt's wedding to her 3rd husband where someone alludes to it and her kids are going "la la la" blocking their ears. it made me feel so sad for everyone concerned. I wish it weren't normal though. And the sad thing is, my parents, for whom this is becoming relevant, don't understand when I get passionate about this. I have said to both of them that if they ever need support in this kind of health care, that I will do it and not make horrible judgy comments. I don't think though that they understand or apreciate what that means although they are a loving couple who I believe, still have sexy playtime.

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