Update: So many of you emailed me after reading "Sharing Body Heat" on Huffington Post that I still need time to answer you. You sent me extraordinary emails -- moving and powerful. Please be patient because I want to send each of you a personal response. Meanwhile, know that everything you write me is read and appreciated.
I envision this new book as a comprehensive guide to staying sexually vibrant, active, and empowered as your body ages -- and giving you the solid, up-to-date information that will help you deal with the problems that get in your way.
I'd like you involved. I'm seeking thoughtful, illuminating, quotable comments from you on whatever topics matter to you, as long as they have to do with sex after age 50 in all its colors, stripes, and flavors.
This time, instead of presenting reader stories as I did in Naked at Our Age, I'll be using short quotes -- from a couple of sentences to a short paragraph -- from comments you post here or send me directly. I hope you'll get the conversation started by either commenting here or emailing me privately. Your name won't be used, so please be candid. By doing this, you're giving me permission to publish excerpts in my book, without identifying you in any way.
Anything you want to say interests me, and nothing is too weird or outrageous, as long as it's honest. For example:
- What has changed about your sexuality lately?
- What new attitudes, experiences, techniques, or resources make sex better?
- What are the myths and stereotypes about older people and sex, and why are they wrong?
- What challenges do you face personally?
- Which likes and dislikes have changed?
- How have your relationships grown -- or failed to grow?
- What do you desire now that would have surprised your younger self?
- If you could change something, what would it be?
- What do you wonder about other people our age?
- What do you wish our society understood about our sexuality?
- What do you wish you understood about your own sexuality?
- What else would you like me to know?
I know people will be interested in what you post here, but if you'd rather tell me privately, email me. I look forward to hearing from you.
7/27-8/17/13 UPDATE: Here are some specifics I'd like to know from people over 50, any gender or sexual orientation. Choose one or two questions that particularly apply to you or interest you, and either comment here or email me a couple of sentences to a paragraph. By doing this, you're giving me permission to publish excerpts in my book. You won't be identified in any way.
If you're in a relationship now:
- How do you keep it sexually vibrant?
- What is interfering with having a satisfying sex life?
- Do you use any of these with your partner: role-playing, reading erotica, watching porn or romantic films, pet names, silly games, sexy games...?
- If your relationship is not sexually vibrant, what's missing?
- Do you consider yourself kinky? What form does that take, and what do you love about it?
- If you and your partner are monogamous, how do you keep sex lively?
- If you and your partner are nonmonogamous, what went into that decision, and what are your boundaries / rules / agreements?
- How did you meet your partner? How did you know that he/she was special?
- If your relationship is bad, what would make you decide to leave?
- Have you used counseling to improve communication, sex, or other issues?
- What do/don't you like about being single?
- Do you consider yourself to be in the dating life?
- How do you meet other singles?
- Good, bad, ugly about online dating?
- Do you have or would you accept a "friend with benefits"?
- Do you use safer sex with a new partner? If so, what safer sex precautions to you take? If not, what goes into that decision?
- Describe your worst first date (after age 50).
Whether or not you're in a relationship now:
- What medical conditions have impacted your sex life, and how have you dealt with them?
- How have sex toys enriched your sexual enjoyment (either solo or partnered)?
- How have your sexual likes & dislikes changed after age 50?
- What would you like to try that you haven't ever done?
- What do you fantasize about, but you wouldn't like to do it in real life?
- What are the special LGBT issues related to sex & aging?
- What didn't I ask that I should have?
I'll continue to update this list when different topics come up. Many thanks! Hope to hear from you.