Sunday, May 26, 2013

Invitation: What do you want to see in new book?

Here's an inside look at a writer's brain: Every time I finish writing a book, I shout, "There! I've done it! There's nothing more to say!"

 But there always is more to say, more to think about, more to learn, more to teach.

What questions, concerns, and topics related to sex and aging did I not cover in Naked at Our Age, or cover too briefly? What more would you like to know about aging and sexuality in all its colors?

 Yes, I'm thinking about my next book, and I need your input! Brainstorm with me by posting your suggestions. (Though you're welcome to use a fake name, please tell me your real age.)

5/27/13 update: Here are some ideas that followers of my Naked at Our Age Facebook page posted, to get you started:

  • Do you cover Tantra? Or is that too New Age for "our age"?
  • I'd like to know what I can do in my 40s to prepare for the longest, healthiest, most enjoyable sex life possible in the decades that follow. 
  • I know you covered some of this in Naked at Our Age but more of how to deal with Sexless Marriage would be real good thanks xxx
What else, readers? Don't worry if your idea seems unconventional or offbeat. If you give me an idea I didn't think of myself, that's very helpful. If you repeat an idea I did think of myself, I know to make sure I'm covering it thoroughly. 

If you'd rather email me your ideas privately with more detail, or if you'd like your experiences included in this book, email me here and put as subject header: "Include in new book."  Thank you! 


  1. OK...

    A) non simultaneity! Coming at the same time, not likely at our age. Who comes first? Does it count if I come on her belly after she comes? Or come the next day? Last week I was dripping all day because my beloved came powerfully and I said that night: "Late...tomorrow is OK." Was nice actually. But it is tomorrow and I'm still waiting! wondering!

    B) power exchange and mild kink; we've gotten into light spanking and light flogging and nipple clamps type power play, read books about it. We are both shocked how it is helping, giving us something to talk about, providing spark...yet we don't want to go to far here. You say little about the positive side of kink or the spirituality of kink. Barbara Carellas and Dossie Easton are brilliant here....but scary. Address this?

    C) How with tact to you ask health questions dating? 1st date? I did. I'd never go on a 2nd date with a woman who'd had stroke history. But that's me. I was 54 at the time.

    D) Penis size and body issues. Not kidding...on a 2nd date years back, a woman hinted at this as she'd had a disappointing relationship with a VERY small penis man. We laughed but I disrobed right there for her...thought that only fair and the best way to answer her. I later wanted to see her naked, too; see how comfortable she was in the daytime naked. We took a hot tub at her place two dates later; and she flunked.

    That's four. I'll think of more. Go for it. Can't wait to read your next book.

    1. Thank you for all these terrific ideas, Dan. Please clarify: when you said your hot tub partner "flunked," do you mean she was not comfortable naked, or that you didn't like her body? (I hope you meant the former.)

    2. She was age appropriate and beautiful, I thought. But she presented her body and self in that moment, she put out (hmmm, interesting phrase) her self/nakedness, person, soul like a joke flower in a clown's pocket.

      That afternoon I was naked in the tub in the daytime with great anticipation. I thought it was a sacred apex event we had talked and worked hard to unfold over four or five get-to-know-me dates; over a month's time. And she arrived on stage then glib. She even had experience in theater.

      Funny thing is she'd said several times other men had said she had a great body naked; and said it again then. BTW, I'd disrobed and showed her everything in one twirl moment on our 2nd date weeks back. We talked about this. I cared for nothing anybody else thought of her body. I wanted to know what SHE thought of her body/soul/person at that unveiling.

      You know, I dated a year later a curvy, round poet woman with 50-60 extra lbs. Getting naked with her was always sacred. And she was always beautiful. Women are so stupid around what they think a guy thinks is beautiful. We want to know what the woman thinks about her body. "Beautiful" women are the worst at this I think.

      Getting naked the 1st time with a woman was like sacred cherry popping time for me. Happens only once. It's a ceremony. She spoiled it. I was looking for intimacy, not a poke with a clown flower. I know she was nervous but she didn't do well. We parted weeks later, never made love.

  2. Thanks for asking, Joan!

    I hear that cunnilingus is great, but I've had little experience with it. Granted, my lovers weren't that interested or proficient. But I don't put it all on them. I'm not that responsive because a warm tongue dulls out my nerve endings. At most it's comforting like a warm blanket, not thrilling like sex can be.

    Cold touch, actually, is more arousing. Because of this, I haven't asked for it much with my lover because I don't know how to help him arouse me when the very warmth of his tongue deadens me out.

    So my question is this: is it possible to feel great oral sex if warm isn't my thing? If it is possible, then I'm sure I could help my lover learn to thrill me.


    1. I'm so glad you asked that, Anne. Two ideas come to me right away:

      1. Have a glass of your lover's favorite ice-cold drink next to the bed. Have him take a sip and swirl some ice in his mouth before he starts cunnilingus! He can keep sipping every few minutes to keep his mouth cold.

      2. If you really love cold, have him rub your vulva with an ice cube right before oral sex and frequently thereafter.

      Please, please let us know if you like either of these ideas, and if one of them works!

    2. THANKS Joan! What quick advice.



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-- Joan