We are talking out loud about senior sex, celebrating the joys and addressing the challenges of sex and aging. Joan Price is the author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty. This blog presents senior sex news, views and reviews: reader questions; expert tips; and reviews of sex toys, books, and films that interest sex-positive Boomers, seniors, and elders. Join us!
For
a man with erectile dysfunction, there are many options. Most ED in men below
the age of 45 or so is psychologically based. The drug companies would like to
sell these men Viagra, Cialis or Levitra, but the real solution is
psychological counseling and/or sex therapy.
But
as men age, physical reasons cause more ED. Drugs for blood pressure, or type II
diabetes, psychotropic medications like Zoloft, Prozac, Sertraline all carry
the risk of reduced libido and also affect erections. So what are men in this
situation to do? One great option is the vacuum device.
Vacuum
erection devices are designed to lengthen and strengthen the penis so that
blood will flow into it. The best vacuum devices can create an erection hard
enough for penetration for many men whose erections are no longer automatic. You
can enjoy them as part of couple foreplay to heighten your mutual pleasure.
The
Rapport Classic is a 2-½ inch clear plastic tube of good quality. The whole
length is just over 8 inches. At one end is a manual pump to take the air out
of the tube. At the other end is a part that fits snugly to the tube and for
insertion of the penis. Surround the penis with a large amount of gel lubricant
for a good vacuum seal. (Both the Revive
and the Rapport come with a tube of surgical gel lubricant, which works very
well.)
Before
inserting your penis, you use a supplied cone to load a cock ring onto the
Rapport. Then insert your penis and use the manual pump to exhaust the air.
This draws your penis up into the tube. At the same time, the extension of the
penis creates an internal vacuum that forces blood into the penis, making it
firm enough for vaginal penetration.
When
the penis is long and stiff enough—and before it begins to be painful and even
damaging—you push the cock ring off the tube and down to the base of the penis.
The cock ring is now holds the blood in the penis, keeping it hard. Press a
button on the pump to release the vacuum, and take away the device. You are
left with a good erection.
This
is all much more difficult to describe in words than it is to accomplish. The
Rapport comes with a DVD video that makes the whole thing clear, obvious, and
simple. The Rapport was provided to me by Uand Me Time.
The
Encore Revive is similar to the Rapport and works much the same way, with two
main differences: The Encore Revive comes with both a manual pump which you use
either one-handed like the Rapport or two-handed for more leverage, and with a
battery powered pump. It also has a cock ring release that makes the final step
almost automatic and releases the vacuum pressure at the same time. It also has
a release valve if you decide not to complete the process.
This
video shows how to use the Encore Revive and why it works:
.
Both
the Rapport and the Revive are available online at a a
wide variety of prices. (Links here to Amazon seem to have the best prices.) Both come with a large assortment of cock rings in sizes
from very tiny to very large. A little experimentation will find your best size.
After
trying both the Rapport and the Revive, my vote goes to the Encore Revive. But
that is a very personal preference. I like the battery powered pump. Using the
manual pump required more mental attention and I could not focus as much on the
sensations in my genitals because of the manual effort to achieve a high level
of vacuum. But, as they say, “That’s just me.” Another person may have a
different reaction. Either one of these devices could really improve the sex
life of a man who has tried simpler solutions and not been satisfied.
I’ve
talked about these vacuum devices as though they are only to be used to lead to
intercourse, but actually they also work very well for masturbation. The
erections are strong and allow for a lot of pleasure.
Both
of these are very different from the “fireplug” type of vacuum gadgets often
sold in sex toy stores. The quality of construction and performance of these
two devices is much better than the fireplugs, and not much more expensive.
These items are, as the manufacturers like to remind us, “Medical Grade.” That
means they are well constructed and will last much longer. Also don’t be afraid
of the word “medical.” You don’t need a prescription to buy one.
There
are several other brands of similar devices which I haven’t yet tested. The
advertisements suggest that they all work essentially the same way but the
pricing on the others was also quite a bit higher. None of these other manufacturers
responded to my inquiries.
Vacuum
erection devices are not the same as men’s sex toys that stimulate the penis by
emulating the feel of a vagina, such as the Fleshlight or the Tenga Egg (which
I reviewed here).
DavidM. Pittle, Ph.D., is a therapist in San Rafael, CA, who has been helping people
with sexual issues for over thirty years. Many of his clients are age 50-80,
when good sex is important, and dissatisfaction may lead to loss of shared
intimacy that can threaten the total relationship. David specializes in helping
women who are not experiencing sexual satisfaction and men with non-medical and
medically-related erectile dysfunction or other issues. Visit his website here.
Please see Dr. Pittle's review of the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Tenga Egg.
I rarely recommend any TV show's treatment of senior sex, but the "Sex Education" episode of Parks and Recreation 10/18/12 had me laughing and applauding.
Leslie (Amy Poehler) has learned about an STD outbreak among seniors. As she explains it,
Lots of old people have chlamydia. Seniors in Pawnee have a lot of time on their hands, and what they're doing with that time is going at it hard, old-people style. A lot of them haven't had proper sex education, and as a result, STDs are having a field day. It's amazing what a few old guys can do with a little bit of charm and a lot of crabs.
They role play "gross" questions that the seniors might ask, which are pretty tame compared to what the seniors, who look to be maybe 75 to 90, really ask them. For example, when Leslie prepares to demonstrate putting a condom on a banana, one man asks, "That's all fine and good, but what if the banana is soft and mushy and doglegs sharply to the left?"
Yes, the show makes fun of elders. ("Can everyone hear me okay?" "No!" shouts the audience in unison.) When Leslie asks, ""Does anyone know what we risk when have unprotected sex?" she hears these responses:
"Heart attacks!"
"Falling in love!"
"Your partner dies on top of you!"
But what I love is how hilariously the show makes fun of those who think that seniors either aren't or shouldn't be sexually active. The seniors in the sex ed audience are having sex and they accept their sexuality as an ordinary part of life. This is despite the town's "abstinence only" law that prohibits any other kind of sex education (sound familiar?) -- whatever the age of the participants.
The "morality watchdogs" of the Family Stability Foundation (who obviously have their own secrets in the, er, closet) attempt to enforce this law. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that they don't succeed.
The "Sex Education" episode of Parks and Recreation is funny and right on target. You can watch the full episode here. Enjoy!
Do you think that senior sex is now accepted, even celebrated, compared to five or ten years ago? I hope you'll comment here.
Sometimes I really feel we're changing society's view of aging and sexuality -- other times, I wonder if I'm deluded because I surround myself with open-minded, sex-positive people who applaud my ideas and communicate similar messages to their followers.
Sometimes I get so caught up in the momentum of the world I want to live in that I think we've already achieved it -- but have we?
Are we just a small (but loud!) part of a society that still sees sexually exuberant seniors as laughable? Or are things really changing?
When my first senior sex book, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty came out in 2006, it caused quite a stir in the media because it celebrated the joys of senior sex and included details of what was hot about sex after 60. (My personal favorite moment in that book is the nail-filing section -- I love the smiles I see from women when I read that part aloud during a speech!)
Then I wrote Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex (2011) to address the challenges that prevent sex at our age from being as spicy and fulfilling as it can be. This book has won two major awards and is used and recommended by therapists and sex educators. I'm proud and grateful to all the people who contributed to that book.
Now I'm interviewed a lot and invited to speak at conferences and other gatherings. It really feels like I'm living in a world that recognizes that our sexuality is lifelong and ageless, and no matter what else is happening in our lives -- medically, emotionally, partnered or not -- we are capable of this pleasure.
I hope you'll post a comment so that this topic can become a discussion rather than one 68-year-old woman's monologue --or her wishful thinking!
Join me in talking out loud about senior sex! I am an advocate for ageless sexuality and the author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty, and editor of Ageless Erotica.
This blog offers news, views, and reviews related to sex and aging. I hope that by bringing the topics that concern us out in the open and sharing our attitudes and experiences, we'll start to change society -- one mind at a time!
You can read more about me at http://www.joanprice.com.
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Do you have questions you’d like to ask Joan privately about issues interfering with your sexual enjoyment? As a sex educator specializing in senior sexuality, Joan Price is available for private, educational consultations (not erotic or sensual) via phone, email, Skype, or FaceTime, or in person in Sonoma County and San Francisco Bay Area. For information, please email joan. Serious inquiries only, please.
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Review product disclosure
The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has issued new rules for bloggers: If we receive payment or free products for review, we need to disclose this. I think this is clear in my reviews, but here it is in plain words:
If I review a book, I received a review copy from the publisher or the author. This in no way influences what I say about the book.
If I review an sex toy or related product that I received free from the retailer or affiliate, I mention or thank my source in the review. I have also reviewed products that I bought, and I'll clarify this from now on.
I do not receive payment for my reviews -- or for anything else I write on this blog. I do have affiliate arrangements with the companies listed with logos here, which means I get a small commission if you order through the link I provide. This does not affect your price in any way.
Whether I receive a product for review or buy it, I give honest reviews -- that's what my readers expect, that's what I insist on doing, and that's what the providers of these products expect, also.