But part of making myself easy to contact is that sometimes (rarely, thankfully) I get creepy emails and inappropriate messages.
Here's a sample. They're all real. I couldn't make this up. Names withheld so the writers won't be more embarrassed than we need them to be:
- "i must say nothing more sexy then some one over 60 nude i just love it. ever get to pa" and later he added, "could i say you would not need that toy" Uh huh, and what have you told me that will make me want to get nude with you in Pennsylvania? Listen, guys, just because you can type without capital letters and you feel like propositioning someone, that doesn't mean you should. And even if you're God's gift to women, don't presume that you'll replace my Hitachi.
- "I like what you said tonight. Okay if I send you some drunken, dirty texts?" This was said to me after I gave a bookstore reading. No, thank you, do not send me either drunken or dirty texts, and certainly do not combine drunken and dirty. That will never interest me in the slightest.
- Do not ever, ever send me a picture of your penis. I like penises a lot. Some of my best friends have penises. All of my lovers have had penises. But that's the thing -- I like penises that are owned by men I like. A photo of a penis all by itself, hanging out of unzipped jeans (as was the one a 22-year-old man sent me recently), will never make me go, "Yum."