Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Andy, 44, turned on by women 60+

I often hear from younger men who tell me they desire older women.

Sometimes their emails are short and consist of abbreviations (hey, guys, emails to me shouldn't read like a tweet!), which makes me wonder how they would handle a slow-burning, older woman.

Occasionally they invite me to share a romp--or, in one case, a shower. Sorry, fellows, I'm flattered, but I need to get to know (and like) a man first.

Usually, though, they're the kind of reader emails that I love: respectful and earnestly trying to gain useful information or share a story. For example, I recently heard from Andy, age 44, a British man who gave me permission to share what he wrote me:

I am exactly the type of man you so often write about. When I was just 15, I would look at my mother's friends and fantasize. Later on at night I would lie in bed and imagine making love to them. I would conjure up scenarios in my mind and imagine the spontaneity and excitement of it all.

As I get older, I find myself wanting women of 60-plus. My mates think I'm strange, weird - some even think I'm sick. But what turns me on is not so much their physical appearance but that they are so turned on themselves during the course of our love making.

I would far rather make love to a highly excited 60-year-old woman than a drop-dead gorgeous figure of 22 years who acts like a mannequin.

Right now, I am finding myself flirting with an older woman yet again. She is 70 and clearly very sexually frustrated. She flirts with me and has said in no uncertain terms if she was 30 years younger she would be "hitting on me real hard." Wow - I got so turned on when she said that. I think something might happen soon.

I suggest he tell her, "You don't need to be 30 years younger -- you're perfect the way you are!"

Anything you'd like to say to Andy?

For more posts about younger men/older women, click here.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

No Squeals for the Sqweel

I wish I loved the Sqweel. It's a great idea -- a rotating wheel of fluttering mini-tongues lapping away for your pleasure. I knew it wouldn't/couldn't really feel like a lover's tongue, but I hoped for sensations close enough for my fantasy to take over. Nope, didn't happen.

Good news first: It's cleverly designed. The soft tongues are on a wheel that rotates inside a case that you hold. Press the tongues gently against the clitoris, and the stimulation begins.The controls at the end (off, low, medium, high)  are easy to use without looking.

The tongue wheel comes out easily for cleaning and snaps in securely for use.  The case has a cover section for storage.

Use plenty of lube, especially if you have pubic hair (yes, many of us still do!), because otherwise the rotating tongues will grab your hairs. Another reviewer described "rug burn" when she didn't use enough lube -- my guess is that she didn't have public hair.

It takes three AAA batteries, easy to insert. Remove the batteries when you store it -- I didn't, and the batteries were dead when I picked it up a month later.

My disappointment was twofold:

(1) The vibrations aren't strong enough -- sort of mid-strong, but not super-strong -- and pressing harder makes the wheel slow down, so you have to avoid pressing. If you don't need super strong, it might be just fine for you.

(2) Because the Sqweel is so large and covers so much of your personal real estate, there's no space left if you want to add an insertable toy at the same time. Sorry, but that's a deal breaker for me!  Babeland's description says it can be used during couple sex ("hold it against your clit during penetration"), but I can't imagine how this might be done. Let me know if you've managed it. I suppose you could hold it sideways instead of up-and-down, but the sideways sensation was too odd for me.

I know many reviewers love this toy, so don't dismiss it if my personal objections don't hit home with you. It's not a bad toy, it just doesn't work for me.

Thank you , Babeland, for the opportunity to try the Sqweel!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

10 Tips for Hot Solo Senior Sex

4/12/11: I just updated these tips, originally posted 12/24/10 in response to my 10 Tips for Hot Sex after Sixty, which was aimed at couples. We’re not all in sexual relationships, and self-pleasuring is so important at our age! Here are some tips for enjoying hot SOLO senior sex.  

10 Tips for Hot Solo Senior Sex
By Joan Price

Senior sex isn't just partner sex. Many of us don't have partners, yet keeping our sexual selves vibrant and health is crucial for many reasons. It's true that if we don't use it, we lose it -- and that's true for both women and men.

When we have less hormonal rush to stay sexual, especially if we're without a partner and maybe blue about that, we can fall into a pattern where we don't think as much about sexual pleasure, and we don't give it to ourselves. Arousal and orgasms may feel second-rate and inconsequential, and sometimes just too much trouble.

Instead, let's see our marvelous bodies as still capable of pleasure, and let's nurture that. We have the capacity -- and the responsibility! -- to keep ourselves fully functioning by pleasuring ourselves, discovering what feels good (it may have changed, so don't assume that of course you know) and what it takes to make our brains and body parts sing. Let's celebrate that we don't have to close down just because we're older and partnerless. Indeed, let's enjoy what we can offer ourselves.

Here are some tips for bringing the sizzle back to your sex life -- on your own!

1. Plan for solo sex. At this time of life, we need slow arousal and gradual build-up. So set aside enough private time to enjoy the journey without rushing. Set up whatever you need for comfort, such as special pillows. Shut off distractions like phone and computer, lock the door, and settle in for pleasure.

2. Enjoy solo sex during high energy times. When do you feel most sexually charged? When you first wake up? After morning coffee and a good poop? Mid-afternoon? That’s when to indulge in a solitary romp, rather than after a meal when you’re digesting or at night when your sensations are shutting down. When you feel the tingle, indulge it!

3. Create your own foreplay. Do sexy things that get you in the mood. Remember hot times with a special lover. Read erotica, play special songs, watch porn (or, if you prefer, a movie with a star who always turns you on), write sexy thoughts in your journal, take a waterproof vibrator into the bath or shower -- whatever starts your path to arousal. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your body with lingerie, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight--whatever feels good and puts you in the mood.

4. Use a silky lubricant. Don’t just settle for the drugstore variety -- there are many different varieties of lubricants for moisture and slickness that feel great and bring back the joy of friction, whether we’re using our hands or a toy. Experiment to find your favorites. Keep the lube within reach so you can reapply frequently.

5. Explore sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days, and our wrists may tire before we reach our goal. Women: try a clitoral vibrator, with or without a dildo, depending whether you like the feeling of a full vagina. (Read the many vibrator reviews on this blog to help you choose.) Men: try a sleeve, cock ring, or prostate stimulator. Lucky for us that sex toys for both genders are easy to find, fun to try, and wow, do they work!

6. Fantasize. Let yourself explore fantasy scenes and partners, no limits. Let your brain (your main sex organ!) indulge in whatever arouses you. Be open to whatever comes into your mind, even if it is something you would not do in real life or with someone you consider off limits. No fantasy is “wrong,” and no one has to know what images or scenarios turn you on. Just go with it.

7. Be physical in daily life. Walking, biking, dancing, yoga, Pilates, lifting weights, and other forms of exercise all enhance blood flow and get you in touch with your own physicality. This translates to your sexual arousal because the blood flows to your genitals as well as to your muscles, making arousal easier and faster. Plus you mentally feel “in your body.”

8. Realize that your solo practice not only gives you pleasure, it’s important for health. Experts recommend at least one orgasm a week for both men and women for genital health and for heart health as well. Weekly orgasms keep the pelvic floor strong and the nerves firing, boost the immune system, and reduce the risk of incontinence, depression, and heart disease. Men – regular orgasms are important for prostate health.

9. If you think you’re not in the mood, do it anyway. It’s too easy to put solo sex on the back burner, and once we’re out of the habit, it’s harder to get revved up again. This is especially true at our age, when our hormones are no longer screaming for release. So reread tips #1-8, and just do it. You’ll find that the physical arousal will happen, that that will trigger your emotional arousal, and that triggers more physical arousal, until it’s all working just right.

10. Don’t think of solo sex as “settling for” a substitute for partner sex. You’re celebrating your own sexuality, glorying in your body’s capability of pleasing you, and enjoying the journey. This is a gift you can give yourself whenever you want, and isn’t that wonderful?

(These tips are copyright 2010-2011 by Joan Price and may not be reprinted without permission from Joan Price. Thank you!)

Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex after Sixty is available from www.joanprice.com (personally autographed) or from Amazon.

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is now available! Order an autographed copy directly from me -- be sure to let me know to whom to autograph it -- by clicking the PayPal button below...

Or order from Amazon here.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Big Sex Little Death by Susie Bright: book review

Big Sex Little Death: A MemoirSex. Drugs. Rock and roll. If that were the whole story of Big Sex Little Death, Susie Bright's memoir of the '60s and '70s, it would be enough.

But this brilliant memoir is much more, revealing Susie's own childhood abuse and her commitment to social and political activism as a high school drop-out, the underbelly of the cultural/ sexual/ political movement, the heady thrill of working to make a difference in the world, and the bewilderment of being betrayed by the people she least expected to betray her.

I knew Susie Bright as a sexuality writer, but until this book from Seal Press, I had no idea how smart and deep she was. She's the historian that the sixties need -- a clear-eyed view of protesters, activists (many emotionally damaged), and those who went along for the ride.

Yes, there's plenty of sex, too, but for much of the book, it's body parts that go bump, devoid of passion, emotional connection, or even pleasure. That's part of the sixties political and sexual "revolution" that we're embarrassed to admit now: women were expected to have sex freely but we weren't supposed to expect our partners to have any clue about satisfying us. Still, part of Susie's fantasy was true, at least some of the time:

Women wouldn't be catty. No one would bother to be jealous. Who would have the time? Sex would be friendly and kind and fun. You'd get to see what everyone was like in bed. You'd learn things in bed... Exclusivity would be for bores and babies.

Susie doesn't glamorize the sexual/feminist revolution or gloss over the deep disillusions when women fought each other (she got death threats for her pro-pornography stance), betrayed each other, and, through it all, loved each other.

For me, the most interesting part of Big Sex Little Death was the story behind On Our Backs, the lesbian magazine that Susie co-founded. Before On Our Backs, female models, from fashion ads to male magazine centerfolds, "were shot the same way kittens and puppies are photographed for holiday calendars: in fetching poses, with no intentions of their own." In contrast, "The great relief of dyke porn," writes Susie, "was that all that went out the window. We had an objective on our minds... we had a sexual story to tell."  

I hope these snippets encourage you to read Big Sex Little Death for yourself -- it's an engrossing read, and guaranteed to be more than you expect.

FYI, my favorite line from the book: "My dominatrix friend Tina once told me, 'I'm not spanking Republicans anymore. I've had it.'"

Have you read Big Sex Little Death? I invite you to comment!

Friday, April 01, 2011

Senior Sex Activism: a Love Letter to My Readers

On October 6, 2005, I wrote my first blog post:

Welcome to Better Than I Ever Expected!

My book, Better Then I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty (Seal Press), will be out in January 2006. Please see here  for a description of this sassy, sexy book combining my personal story with tips and tales from lusty, sexually seasoned women.

We're proving that our society's view of older women as sexless is wrong, wrong, wrong.

I'd like to invite you --whether or not you're a woman over sixty -- to participate in discussions of ageless sexuality. Please choose a first name of your choice and your age to identify yourself, and feel free to post comments and questions regarding this hot and important topic.

To start you out, what makes sex after sixty better than you ever expected, personally?

I'd like your candid views, and I hope you'll express them respectfully so that all women will feel welcome to read and post, and won't feel they've wandered into a sleazy place. Thank you, and welcome to our community!

Joan Price

In the past 5.5 years, so much has happened, personally and professionally. Better Than I Ever Expected and I received much media attention --we still do! -- and I found myself the spokesperson for senior sex. What had started as a mission to normalize the idea of people over 60 enjoying sex and daring to talk out loud about it became a huge groundswell. I thank you for the part you played in this movement.

Thank you for making this blog a center of that movement by reading and commenting, showing other readers that we have a community of seniors and elders -- men as well as women now! -- discussing sex openly and respectfully in a manner that's welcoming even to people who are not used to discussing their sex lives.

Because of you, one book led to the next one: Men said to me, "What about us?" and both men and women said, "Great that you're celebrating senior sex, but I'm having a lousy sex life and here's my problem...." I realized that my next book needed to be aimed at both genders, and needed to address the problems and offer solutions. It also needed to include your stories, because we've never shared our stories in public before.

Our youth-oriented society may still be saying "Ick!" to the idea of people our age getting naked, loving the pleasures our bodies can give us, loving each other (wrinkles and all!) and finding ways to stay sexually vibrant whether we're partnered or not -- but society can't pretend it isn't happening!

Thank you for that. I'm honored that you've chosen to join me in talking out loud about senior sex!


Joan Price

Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex is now available! Order an autographed copy directly from me -- be sure to let me know to whom to autograph it -- by clicking the PayPal button below...

Or order from Amazon here.

As always, I invite your comments!