Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Elders Support "It Gets Better!"

I am exhilarated by the ever growing "It Gets Better" project. IGB was created by sex columnist Dan Savage in response to the recent gay teen suicides to help gay teens realize that life, self-esteem, and interactions with others do, indeed, get better.

In an earlier post and on my Naked at Our Age Facebook page, I invited readers (of any and all sexual colors and stripes) to connect with teens and support them in their quest to understand themselves. Those of us who have lived through many decades since our own adolescence still remember how unsure we were of ourselves, how dangerous the world seemed, how tentative our steps until we found our way, and how much better it is now, with experience, wisdom, and self-acceptance.

I love seeing how "It Gets Better" has grown, and especially how many of the participants have wrinkles and gray or white hair (or no hair!). Watch this moving video, "It gets Better: Wisdom from our Gay Elders":




Please also watch this moving performance by the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles:



What do you think our role is, as elders--whether straight or gay--in helping gay teens? I invite your comments.

Friday, October 22, 2010

This blog is #10 of the Top 100!

Oh wow, not only is this blog on the Top 100 Sex Bloggers list again this year, it's #10! (It was #29 last year.)

#10 out of 200 nominees! Blogs were judged on site design, frequency of posting, quality of posts, readership interaction, and more. Excuse me while I do a little dance. As far as I know, I'm the only "elder blogger" on the list.

Most of the other winners are erotic blogs, rather than educational blogs as this one is. So I'm even more honored that an blog aimed at providing solid information about senior/elder sex was voted worthy of being in the top 10 of all sex blogs!

For new visitors to my blog: I am the author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty and the upcoming Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. I started this blog after Better Than I Ever Expected was published in 2006 because I wanted to connect with my readers and continue the discussion about sex and aging.

This blog is all about senior/elder sexuality and related topics, including tips for improving sex at our age, reviews of sex toys from a senior perspective, books and films that look at senior sex, expert interviews, senior sex in the news, dating, and my personal love story. Because sex/love at our age does often involve loss, you'll find posts about grief as well.

Read this blog via either http://betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com/ and the easier to remember http://www.nakedatourage.com/. I hope you'll visit often. I love comments, so please share your thoughts. 

See all the Best Sex Bloggers 2010 winners here. (Warning: extremely explicit content on most of these blogs. If that's enticing, I hope you'll explore many of the top 100.)

I'm so jazzed about being #10! Many thanks to Rori and her BetweenMySheets blog, and all the judges.

- Joan Price

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Too tight? Vaginal dilators can help.

Women write to me that after a long period of celibacy, they find someone they want to have sex with again. Often they didn't think they would discover love/lust again after so many years. Their elation dims when they discover that they've become too tight for intercourse, or it's too painful.

There are several reasons that vaginal pain can happen (which I discuss in my new book, Naked at Our Age). With age, especially if you're sexually inactive, the vaginal tissues thin and there's less blood flow to the genitals. Without vaginal penetration and/or regular orgasms and internal stimulation, the pelvic floor can lose its ability to relax, and in its contracted state, the vaginal opening feels too tight to admit a penis or a larger-than-slim sex toy. If this is your situation, please download this Vaginal Renewal program from the wonderful folks at A Woman's Touch sexuality resource center, and put it into action for the sake of your sexual health and future joy.

Part of this program is at least one orgasm a week (you don't need a partner for that!) and internal massage using vibration. Yes, really. Internal massage with vibration brings blood flow to the vagina and helps strengthen the tissues. If you're so tight that insertion hurts, vaginal dilators will help. These are more wands than dildos, starting very slim and progressing in graduated sizes as your body adapts and is able to accept more.

It used to be a hassle to even find vaginal dilators, but now there are two different styles that are easily obtainable and will fill your needs:


The FeMani (formerly Oasis Dilator Set) is made of smooth, durable, ABS plastic and comes in three graduated widths: Slim (1/2"), Midi (1"), and Maxi (1.25"). Order the size or sizes you need for $25 each. If you've been finding insertion painful, the 1/2" size is a good place to start, then you can order larger as you're ready. Each has a dial to control vibration intensity, from very mild to moderately intense. Thank you, Babeland, for sending me this set for review.




The Berman Vibrating Dilator Set is a set of four graduated dilators that fit like nesting dolls over a base with a dial to control vibration, from very mild to moderately intense. You can start with the slimmest, which tapers from 12/16" to 14/16", and build up over time to 1-1/8", 1.25", and 1.5". You get all four sizes in one package for $46. It also comes with a stretchy, nubby sleeve that is supposed to increase sensation. (The sleeve didn't do anythng for me, but you might like it.) Thank you, Good Vibrations, for sending me this set for review.

Both brands do the job well. The FeMani is longer, an advantage for sending the vibrational massage all the way through your vagina. If you need super slim, the FeMani has the thinnest. If you don't have a problem with tightness and you like a fuller feeling, the Berman set has the thickest.

Using dilators is a process for your own sexual health and the health of a relationship you might have now or in the future--and it can be extremely pleasurable, besides! For optimal pleasure, pair your dilator with a clitoral massager (see an array of reviews in my other sex toy posts here).







Thursday, October 14, 2010

Jimmyjane Form 3: A vibrating finger

What should a vibrator designed for clitoral use look like? Sex toy designers have been working on that challenge for decades, and have come up with some innovative ideas, as you'll see in the designs of the many vibrators I've reviewed here, most of which aim their pleasures at the clitoris.  But Jimmyjane's Form 3 takes the innovation prize. Thank you, Kama Sutra Closet, for sending it to me for review.

The Form 3 is based on the idea that a clitoral vibrator should feel like a well-placed, vibrating finger. So it's shaped like... I can't describe it -- look at it here.
You hold it in your hand, turn it on (the controls aren't visible in the photos, but they're easy to find and use), put your finger in the thin, membrane-like indentation, and voila, the Form 3 becomes an intensely vibrating finger. Your finger. Intensely vibrating.

You can use it however you please over your clitoris -- press, circle, roll, rub, whatever tickes your fancy.

I love that it's powerful yet flexible and soft -- so often the powerful vibrators (and you know how I like power in my vibrators) are hard. That was a trade-off I thought I had to accept. But the part that touches your tender spot is soft, bendable, and moves just like your finger moves.

With 4 vibration modes, 5 power levels, it's easy to find the mode and level that please. The Form 3 is made of high-grade silicone and is completely waterproof . Charge it in its little charging bed before use -- no need for batteries.

Jimmyjane designs innovative, luxury sex toys. I think they need my help naming their toys, though -- Form 3, Form 2, Form 6 -- how unsexy are those names? I'll overlook that, though, and tell you that the new Form 3 is an amazing toy with the design I've been looking for, but never imagined on my own.

Kama Sutra Closet is offering a fantastic 15% discount to readers of this blog on the Form 3 and all other products other than sale items. Use the code "Better15" when you order. 

View a video of the Form 3 (gloves optional during use):

Enjoy my other sex toy posts here.


Friday, October 01, 2010

Prayers for Bobby today: Gay kids committing suicide

Gay teens are killing themselves -- two 13-year-olds due to bullying (see this terrific blog post by Sue Katz), and a college student whose tryst was videoed and put online. It sickens me that young people just discovering their sexuality feel so vulnerable that it's easier to die than to live. Those of us who have lived long enough to know ourselves, accept ourselves (including our sexuality -- whatever its stripes or colors), and find or create a community that lets us live fully and honestly have a responsibility to pass this along to young people.


That's how Leroy Aarons felt at age 61, and that's why I'm repeating the following post from January 2009. I don't know if you can find the Lifetime movie now, but the book is as valuable now as the day it was written. Please read it, then pass it along to someone who needs it. A life may depend on it.


Here's what I wrote in January 2009:

At age 61, prizewinning journalist Leroy Aarons discovered the true story of Bobby Griffith, a story so gripping that he devoted himself to retelling this story in novel form.

His book, Prayers for Bobby, has inspired a movie premiering on Lifetime TV, Saturday, January 24, 2009. It is the riveting true story of teenager Bobby Griffith, who back-flipped off a freeway overpass into the path of a tractor trailer at age 20 because he could not accept his homosexuality. Prayers for Bobby chronicles Bobby’s angst at growing up gay in a fundamentalist Christian family and an anti-homosexual social and school environment. Aarons gently and lovingly pieces together Bobby’s life, fears, hopes and, finally, hopelessness, with the help of the five year diary he left, his legacy.

Prayers for Bobby (subtitle: A Mother’s Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son) is also the story of Mary Griffith, Bobby’s mother, played by Sigourney Weaver in the Lifetime movie. A staunch, one-tracked fundamentalist, Mary was convinced that if she and Bobby just prayed enough, and if Bobby tried hard enough, God would cure him of his homosexuality. She prayed, she nagged Bobby relentlessly, she shamed him, she put Bible quotes on the mirror for him to see when he wakened. Too late, Mary finally realized with a thunderbolt of insight that the reason God had refused to cure Bobby was that there was nothing wrong with him.

What does this have to do with our age group? Plenty. Think about how we had to discover our own sexual and sensual natures despite the mores of our restrictive society in an era that condemned what seemed our most natural feelings and desires. Imagine being trapped in a world that didn't understand you at a time you couldn't even understand yourself. And reach out.

If you think you don't know any closeted gay teenagers, it's only because they are closeted. Maybe your "Bobby" is your grandson, or your granddaughter's best friend, or the neighbor kid, or the quiet boy at church. We've learned a lot about life and about sexuality in the decades we've been living on this earth, and part of it is to accept ourselves and open ourselves to younger folks who might need a role model, a listening ear, and a warm "so good to see you today."

Please see the movie, and read the book, which goes into much more detail and will haunt you in a beautiful way.

I am proud that I knew Leroy Aarons until his death four years ago, called him my friend Roy, and still enjoy a close friendship with Joshua Boneh, his surviving spouse. Please check out the website that Joshua and Roy's friends have constructed in Roy's memory and to celebrate the movie that he always hoped would be made about his book.

(photo of Leroy Aarons and Joshua Boneh)