Sunday, July 25, 2010

His heart was beating under my hand

I had a beautiful dream about Robert, and as I approach the second anniversary of losing him, I keep rerunning the dream in my mind.

In the dream, I awoke to the sound of a song playing in my living room. I went down the steps, and there was Robert dancing! He was spinning so fast that he was almost a blur. He was dancing as he must have danced as a young man, before I knew him, when he was studying ballet and modern dance. I watched with love and amazement.

He slowed his spinning, then stopped and smiled at me, that tender smile that filled his eyes with softness. I put my hand on his chest, hot and moist from his exertion. Then the most wonderful part of the whole dream: I felt his heart beating under my hand!

So many times in our seven years together (exactly, from first kiss to last), I rested my hand on his beating heart. It was always the first place I touched when we came together. It was where my hand rested when we snuggled after making love. I loved his fuzzy chest hair--the touch and smell and heat of it--and I loved his beating heart.

I woke, still hearing the song in my mind that he was dancing to. It was "They Can't Take That Away From Me."

1 comment:

  1. Joan,
    I just recently found your blog and am so moved by your and Robert's story -- I love the pictures of him dancing. And I love his little book you linked to to share. How hopeful and encouraging to hear of such a wonderful relationship found later in life. May you have comfort and peace through the difficult anniversary of his loss.
    Hugs to you.
    Melissa

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