Friday, July 23, 2010

Fun is Sexy: Making Love Before Making Love

Fun is sexy. Create ways to incorporate fun into your relationship each day, and your laughter and silliness will relax you and reinforce your bond.

Robert and I had rituals, made-up words, silly secrets, and special games that warmed us with laughter, kept our intimacy strong, and made us feel like we were making love all day long. Silly things, sometimes – like “Panda.”

Robert and I used to exchange a tiny toy panda with paws that clutched tightly, permitting us to attach it to objects. I’d leave Panda attached to Robert's shoelace, on his toothbrush handle, under his pillow, peeking out of his bathrobe pocket, even on top of the coffeepot -- anywhere he’d find it unexpectedly and enjoy the surprise.

He’d do the same for me, leaving it in my key ring bracelet, on my sock, or clutching the edge of a vase of flowers he left in my bathroom. Every so often one of us would find a hiding place that was too good, and the other would go around the house calling, “Where’s Panda?” It was a cute game, so easy to do, and it nurtured the fun in our relationship.

Then when one of us would find Panda astride our favorite vibrator, or holding onto the lubricant nozzle, or on the pillow, little legs up, we’d understand the special invitation!


  1. My girlfriend and I do this mostly through text messaging. Though, I'd definitely like to try to be more playful to make her feel more comfortable in using lubricants or a vibrator because of difficulties we have with penetration. I'm still trying to figure out how to bring it up in conversation.

  2. Hopeful, a lubricant is essential once our hormones stop producing the natural lubrication we used to enjoy. And a vibrator may mean the difference between orgasm or not, depending on many factors. Just bring it up -- she might be grateful.

    I hope it doesn't sound self serving to suggest you give her a copy of my book, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty -- then the conversation will already be on the pillow, so to speak.

  3. my husband and I do the same thing with a tiny naked baby that I picked up at a novelty shop several years ago. that baby seems to find the best places to pop up!


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