Wednesday, September 30, 2009

"im 19 looking for an older granny"

hey joan im 19 looking for an older granny that i can meet and have a relationship with.how can i do this

This is an actual email I received, similar to others, unfortunately. Instead of simply deleting it, I'm going to answer this question once and for all:

1. I don't know any sexually inclined women of our age who respond to being perceived as "an older granny."

2. We grew up being educated to use capital letters at the beginnings of sentences, names, and for the word "I." Not doing this makes you appear uneducated and/or in too much of a hurry to bother. If you're in that much of a rush that you can't press the shift key once in a while, think about what you're conveying to an older woman as the kind of sexual partner you'd be.

3. You may have found me by skimming my blog, but you obviously didn't read it carefully or you would have seen the "younger men older women" label, with several posts on this topic. Read them!

For younger men who have a serious and respectful interest in a relationship with an older woman who might be open to you, I'm going to reframe some points I've made before:

Get out and do the social activities you enjoy, where you'll meet women who enjoy the same activities. That way, it's easy to strart a conversation with a stranger because you already have something in common to talk about.

Once you spy a woman who attracts you, do NOT use the "Hey, you're hot and I love older women, wanna go to my place?" approach. Instead, open the conversation with comments on the activity you're sharing or ask her for advice, e.g., depending on where you are and what you're doing,
(Dance venue:) You're a really good dancer -- would you dance the next one with me?"

(Bookstore:) "Have you read any books by this author?"

(Gym:) "Your workout is obviously working for you -- you look terrific. Do you recommend the aerobics classes here?"

(She's reading a Kindle:) "Oh, you have a Kindle! Do you mind telling me how you like it?

(Park:) "How far does this trail go? Does it loop back or will I get hopelessly lost?"


And so on. I based these examples on activities I do, places I go, and comments that would get my attention and start a conversation. Of course you need to modify the topics by what you're doing. (I'm only covering face-to-face meetings here -- online meetings are entirely different.)

Most important advice of all: You may be hoping to share the sheets with an older woman, but you need to show her that you appreciate her as a person and value more than her genitals. You also need to show her that you're an interesting person yourself. Remember that her most vital sex organ is her brain, and you've got to make contact there first.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Lelo Lily pleasure object review



I had seen photos of the Lelo Lily, but until TabuToys adult toy shop sent me the Lelo Lily Dark Plum Clitoral Massager, I had no idea that it had these fabulous attributes:

1. It's tiny. Really tiny! My hands are small, but look how easily the Lily fits in my palm. This is a good thing -- it focuses precisely on that sweet spot and its erogenous, surrounding area.

2. The curved design fits so nicely that it stays put, even hands free!

As older women, we know that a long arousal time is essential. This quiet, silky-smooth, pleasure-inducing toy can start arousing you in advance, whether you're anticipating partner or solo sex. Just "wear" it as you go about your business, reading your email, updating your Facebook page, or blogging (whoops, busted!), for example. By the time you put aside distractions and settle into the main event, you're well on your way.

Lily's vibrations are adjustable in intensity and rhythm, but I wish it had a stronger, super-extreme setting. (I say that about every toy.) A small peeve is that the controls are tricky -- play with them in advance with the manual open and your reading glasses on until you get the hang of it.

The Lily is conveniently rechargeable -- no batteries, and no plugging it in during use. Lelo claims to hold a charge through up to seven hours of use -- no worries about it running down, even if you're a slow arouser.

Because of Lily's size and shape, you can use it for clitoral stimulation at the same time that you, a partner, or another toy pleasures you with vaginal penetration, if that's what you like. Very versatile!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Becka, 70: Internet dating winks, flirts, and peeves

Becka, 70, the most active member of my senior online dating posse, has been trying to puzzle out the internet dating maze. Here's her third report:

Trying to decode the mystique of the internet dating scene is a little like being lost in the middle of a Dan Brown book. “What does it all mean?” you ask yourself – many times.

My first piece was titled “Wading Into the Senior Internet Dating Pool.” I erred. The experience is more like being thrown fully clothed into the deep end of your neighbor's pool which has not been cleaned for months!

I've discovered that these dating sites pad their numbers by keeping people on the rolls who have not visited in months, in some cases, years. They are, in effect, ghosts and will not, of course, respond to your inquiries.

Despite the ghosts, I have received a slew of responses. Some men who liked my profile responded right away and a day later sent me petulant “pokes” as to why I had not answered. Hold yer horses, buster! I've yet to figure out both the etiquette and the technology of this thing. But one thing I do know, I'm deleting the guy, age 65 who is looking for a woman 40-60!

Some of the choices you have for communicating are “icebreakers,” “winks” and “flirts.” I don't know about you, but I've never winked at a guy in my life unless he was under the age of 8. If you are 60 or older, chances are you will not be comfortable taking the aggressive role. Okay, go to your corners and come out flirting! Luckily for you, it's all anonymous. That makes you braver than you thought you'd ever be with men you don't know -- and might not want to know.

Some peeves:

  • Senior Match encouraged me to fill out a personality form only to disclose that I could use it if I paid. I didn't like the subterfuge. But I'm finding out that if you don't like subterfuge, don't try internet dating.
  • A number of guys had signed up with two different user names, so if you rejected them once, you get a second chance to reject them all over again.
  • On all of the sites I found links that didn't work, windows you had to check but they didn't drop down for you, and pages that would not come up.
  • On one site I could not choose my state and so I received a dozen interested queries, the closest being from a man 750 miles away.

But I soldiered on and learned some surprising things.



Thank you, Becka! Coming soon -- what did Becka learn?

Would you like to join our senior online dating posse and report on your internet dating experiences for the education and entertainment of our readers? Email me.

Note from Joan: I apologize for posting about a particular dating site's special free weekend offer recently. I don't know if the site was overloaded or what, but one reader reported that after spending forever filling out the long questionnaire, the site gave an error message. She wasn't about to start all over again, so she emailed customer service to find out if what she had done was saved so she could continue from there. She got a form email telling her to phone -- but no one manned the phones on the weekend, and the free offer would be over by the time the phones opened. She gave up and receives frequent solicitation emails from them now. I deleted my post about the site's free weekend, so don't bother looking for it. I'm not naming the site now because I don't know if this was one person's freak experience or that's what happened to many of you -- let me know.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Best blogs/websites about sex and aging: your nominations

I'm honored and delighted whenever I discover that another blog or website has selected this one for its "best of..." list. It occurred to me that I'd serve you well if I started a "best of blogs about sex and aging" list myself.

I'm opening this to you: What other blogs about sex and aging do you read regularly, and what do you like about them?

I read plenty of blogs about sexuality that are aging-friendly -- and blogs about aging that are sexuality-friendly. Those are wonderful, but not what I'm looking for with this call for recommendations. I'm gathering nominations for best blogs and websites specifically about sex and aging. Please share the sites you've found that address the joys and challenges of embracing our sexuality past midlife into our elder years.

If you have your own blog/website about sex and aging, you're welcome to nominate it yourself, as long as its main purpose is to educate and promote acceptance of older-age sexuality (not a commercial site whose purpose is to sell Viagra or "enhancement" devices!)

Bring it on!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Widow's personal story of "touch deprivation therapy"

Ellen Taft wrote me this moving email and gave me permission to publish it here:

I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done to help me get back out there again after losing my husband of 37 years in December of 2007. I’m 63 today, and it’s been a terrifying and exhilarating experience.

My husband died a year and a half ago. It had been over 40 years since I’d dated. Getting back out there has been a real trip! But I’ve done it, largely with the help from Joan’s book, Better than I Ever Expected, and her blog here with the wonderful information and links. The link to Judith Sills, and her book, Getting Naked Again, gave me the final push.

Sills suggested having a friend “mentor” your reentry into getting naked again. So that’s what I did. I asked a dear friend and fellow recent widower to help me in this tremendous step. We had been dating for a few months, very cautiously, as he is a more recent widower, and not ready for any new relationship, but this mentoring idea appealed to him.

We “negotiated” which means we clarified just what we were doing and why, so no one would be mislead. We shared our feelings about our bodies, what we needed the other to know, our limitations, and our fears.

I asked that we use condoms or get tested for STDs. It was an amazingly honest and open sharing, and I attribute the comfort level we experienced to our "negotiations." Once we knew these intimate details about each other, the concern and caring that followed made the whole experience positive.

I had done a lot of reading, too, including Michael Castleman’s Great Sex, also mentioned in Joan’s blog, and all my reading paid off.

It was a wonderful, amazing three hours. Neither one of us could believe how smoothly it all went. We both enjoyed it so much and were so relaxed we have continued the relationship. We call it "Touch Deprivation Therapy," and oh, how it helps!


Thank you, Ellen. I'm thrilled that you shared your experience with us and that my book recommendations helped you! (Read these and my other book reviews here.)

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Delight sex toy review


I wonder if the designers had senior sex enthusiasts in mind when they created the Delight, a classy, modern vibrator that won't stress your wrist no matter how long you hold onto it, with controls that light up so you can see them easily without your reading glasses. What a concept!

The toy has several intensity settings and vibrates magnificently vaginally, and pretty well clitorally. I found the vibrations stronger internally and the shape just right for G-spotting, but I found it a little tricky aiming the Delight's clitoral nub just right. Your mileage will vary, of course, as with all sex toys.


You'll see from the photos that the shape has a curl just right for holding comfortably, and the thumb rests with easy access to the controls. Unlike a couple of other sex toys where it's easy to press the controls by mistake just by trying to hold onto the lube-slippery toy (and it's a jolt when you accidentally turn the thing off at the absolute wrong moment!), you won't have that problem with the Delight.

The Delight is easy to clean and recharges in its handy little storage case, nicely thought out.

As senior-friendly as this vibrator is, I laughed aloud trying to read the instruction manual, though. The type size is so miniscule that even with reading glasses in bright sunlight, I could barely make out the words. If you have young eyes and discover that there's something important in the manual, would you let us all know?

Thank you, TabuToys.com, online shop for adult toys, for sending me the delightful Delight!

Joan Price on Twitter


I finally joined Twitter. I'll use it mainly to let you know when a new blog post is up or when I've learned something of use to you. I won't be boring you with where I'm eating dinner or why I took my cat to the vet, I promise. Just relevant tidbits!

Join me: http://twitter.com/JoanPrice

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Aggressive prostate cancer treatment saved his life

Neil, age 74, who wrote his Personal View of Prostate Surgery and Sex here, wants to add this:

I hope I did not leave the impression that I am anti-physician. I do not want to imply that my caregivers were incompetent or uncaring. I certainly don't think anyone lied to me. I am blessed with a caring and extremely competent urologist who has given me nine years free of prostate cancer.

The urologist was aggressive in treatment. Tests were conducted well before my PSA even reached critical numbers. Normal range is 1 to 4 -- mine was a little over 2. The disease was caught early because of a very dedicated doctor.

My urologist routinely spends 12 to 14 hour days in the battle against cancer and has very little personal time. I am grateful for what was done for me. My physician, by the way, was not the person who gave the word that sex didn't matter after 55. That was a second opinion guy at another medical center.

I suppose the myths and lack of information come from two areas:
(1) The work load of dedicated health care professionals is unbelievable. When faced with a choice of saving life or providing sexuality education, I would want my doctor to first go after the cancer. I was very grateful my urologist did just that. I am here today because of this priority.
(2) While some counseling was given, my physician candidly stated that not much training was given in matters of sexuality. There simply was not enough time for everything. I believe that. As I have talked to other urologists, the story is the same. There is just not enough time to get everything into the program of study.

I am sure that we, as sex educators, have some responsibility to assist in making things better. Perhaps more of us will somehow find our way into relationships with medical school faculties. Hopefully, we can also raise awareness that would provide support to local medical groups as well. I would hope that we could be of assistance to the medical profession without getting in the way of their very important clinical work. I am sure that your book will also provide more information that can be placed in the hands of the health care community.

Above all, I want to leave the message for men to find a competent urologist and stay with their professional judgment. This stuff is nothing to mess with or take lightly. I prefer that we work hand in hand with health care professionals in the battle against cancer as well as the enhancement of sexuality.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Personal View of Prostate Surgery and Sex

Neil, age 74, offers this startling information about sex after prostate cancer surgery. I'm grateful to Neil for his willingness to share his personal story:

A diagnosis of cancer is very frightening. For me the journey was scary enough without the myths and misinformation I was told about cancer of the prostate. I share my experience in the hope that this information will be of help to others.

Myth # 1: “After Age 55, Sex Doesn’t Matter That Much Anyway.”
I heard these words from a physician who specializes in the treatment of prostate cancer. A very nice person, considered extremely competent, he believed his words would be comforting. They weren’t!

Sex does matter after 55. I promised the doctor that I would look him up on his 55th birthday and tell him to “cut that out.” He sheepishly smiled and said, “Oh my. I think I said something wrong.”

Myth # 2: “What You Have At The End Of A Year Is What You Get.”
Although many men are told that any rehab after prostate cancer treatment will peak in twelve months, every case is different. Some methods of prostate cancer treatment can result in serious damage to sexual performance. On the other hand, robotic surgery and nerve sparing have greatly improved sexual potential. Whatever the case, don’t give up! There are options for almost every case of sexual impairment.

But I must warn about some of the product advertisements that flood the market about penile enhancement, instant erections, and so on. Some of these products can be harmful to a cancer survivor. Some are loaded with testosterone which can cause further growth of prostate cancer. Check with your physician before trying any of these medications.

At all times, keep your partner involved in the options you’re considering. They can be our most precious friends and supporters. They deserve to be part of the solution to our new life experiences.

What We Are Often Not Told:

The penis will be about an inch shorter after surgery. Because the urethra passes through the prostate, when the prostate is removed, that portion of the urethra is removed as well. Then, when the urethra is resectioned, the penis is drawn in towards the abdomen. Secure circumcised males seem able weather this storm but uncircumcised males have an additional problem. The surgery leaves more foreskin than before. This additional tissue traps urine and produces odor. Baby Wipes do a very fine job of solving this problem. They are easy to carry and save a lot of embarrassment.

The “Missionary” position usually is no longer successful after prostate surgery. Because the prostate stabilizes the penis and prevents it from receding into the abdominal cavity, removal of the prostate decreases penile stability. The angle of the vagina, coupled with a shortened penis with no internal stability means vaginal intercourse may not work. However, “Doggie Style” and “Woman on Top” work just fine.

I welcome feedback about the experience of others regarding sex and prostate surgery!


9/22/2009: Neil added these comments about how his urologist saved his life.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Becka, 70, Gets Her First "Matches"

This guest blog is the second from Becka, a member of my online dating posse Enjoy Becka's online dating report, Part 2: (Read Part 1 here.)

I signed up on Match.com and was instantly overwhelmed. I saw nowhere to click for anything free. Loads of ads blared at me, so I left. Free is good. All the other sites I looked at offered choices that were free, and you could upgrade to a paying choice later if you wanted to. It feels like bait and switch when they ask if you want to see a photo, you click on “yes,” and they take you to a page where you are offered a chance to pay for it. Be patient, stand your ground. If you like the facts about someone and decide to communicate, the person him/herself will send you a photo.

I signed up feeling very broad-minded, so I said that I was interested in meeting men ages 40-90 anywhere in the world. I am 70. But I lied about that and subtracted a year because I figure a 6 was more attractive than a 7. So sue me.

But the joke was on me. I was immediately shown six “matches,” ranging in age from 47 to 82. Guess who I found the most interesting? Yup. Age 82, who lived “only” 2,751 miles from me.

Here's why I rejected the others, although some of you might find them appealing:

  • Mike was a retired doctor who had no interests in anything other than things medical and golf. I hate golf.
  • Robert said the most important thing in his life was his guru, whom he followed "passionately." Personally, I like a man who thinks for himself, plus I wondered would he have enough passion left over for me?
  • Cal was military all the way and liked his bed made up with precision corners. Me, I like rumpled sheets, lots of pillows and an oversized, wildly colorful bedspread. Definitely not a match!
  • Zeke was into fixing up his trailer.
  • Allen I actually knew and thought he was a sleaze.
  • Harry suddenly appeared – true! -- on the nightly news as a government employee who had been arrested for driving drunk. No thank you.

But I'm not discouraged. In fact, I'm about to send a response to Ian. He is retired, lives alone, has no family, is quiet, mild-mannered, unobtrusive and likes to fly. He is either Superman or a terrorist. So we'll see.

Thank you, Becka, for your entertaining report! Who else wants to contribute your senior online dating experiences? See my invitation here. -- Joan

Wading into the Senior Internet Dating Pool from Becka, senior online dating reporter

This guest blog is from Becka, the first reporter in my online dating posse to check in. Enjoy Becka's first report:

WADING INTO THE SENIOR INTERNET DATING POOL

Here you are, deciding to sign up on a senior internet dating site. These tips based on my experience should minimize the pain and maximize the delight.

1. Find the courage. I sat and thought about doing this for a year before I took the plunge. One of my best friends was my motivator. She died. I asked myself, “What am I waiting for?”

2. Ask yourself what you are looking for: a soulmate? a lover? a friend? Do you want face to face contact or just an internet pal?

3. Choose your site carefully. Some sites have more class than others. For example, eharmony.com has a lengthy questionnaire that is interesting and fun to fill out. SeniorFriendFinder.com has only the barest essentials. You can guess for yourself which one is most likely to end up being a dating hit-and-run experience.

3. Lie. It can't be helped. You fudge, you shave the truth, you fib. So does everyone else. Remember that! They ask you your body type. Will you select “Hot” or the all-purpose “Average”? You may think your body is hot, but, honey, have you forgotten or are just ignoring the hysterectomy scars, or the extra fat you carefully hide in your trousers, left over from a huge pride-producing weight loss? This is why you lie: there are too many things that are just too personal and intimate to put right out there on a website for the world to see. If you have no problem doing that, however, maybe you need boundary counseling. [note from Joan: I must need boundary counseling -- I always tell the truth!]

4. Pick the right name. Guys, please don't put “bo” after your name, as in Jackbo or Bobbo. If you are over 60 do not put “boy” in your name, as in boy556. That ship has long sailed. I did not respond to the inquiry from “boy123,” age 71 -- I figured his perspective was dangerously skewed. Women, watch out for the sneaky names, like “Rob069” or “ilktofku” (this actually got by the censors). Shun cutesy names like “cuteypie” or “cuddlecakes” -- do you really want to be defined by food? Pick a name that has some meaning for you, a name that you would feel proud of should the best person you've ever known read it.

5. Check your spelling! Otherwise you look stupid and you will get the responses you deserve.

NEXT POST: Becka signs up and gets matches -- sort of.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

X: The Erotic Treasury: 40 sexy stories


I took a month to read and savor X: The Erotic Treasury edited by Susie Bright, rationing myself just one or two of the 40 stories a day so I could think about them. This anthology is unusual for several reasons:

1. It's a beautiful gift book, its cover decorated in a deep, shiny, rich, red pattern that looks almost like brocade, inserted into a fancy, equally decorative, cardboard holder with an "X" cut out.

2. The stories are really well-written. Most erotica just plops the reader into a sex scene, but most of these stories actually have plot development and character nuance.

3. This anthology runs the gamut of sexual preferences and turn-ons. Whether or not a particular story or sex act turns you on personally, it's a rich collection of what rings people's chimes.

My sexual tastes are admittedly tame compared to most of the characters in these stories. I don't personally fantasize about being raped, dominated, gang-banged, or forced to go to the office in a tight corset with painful studs. But even the stories that didn't turn me on personally were intriguing. I got to see an edgy side of people's sex urges that I found fascinating. For example, I've never had the urge to be penetrated by a shoe ("and then it was inside of me, that perfect leather-covered heel") or to invite five strangers to come on my face, but I won't forget these stories anytime soon.

In case you're wondering, you won't find characters our age in these stories -- most are of the instantly aroused, sopping-wet-panties generation. Bill Noble's male character in the intricately plotted "Salt" has a gray ponytail, hurray.

Notable is the frequent use of condoms in these stories -- hurray again. I've often thought that condom use would become more accepted if it was seen as part of erotic foreplay, and these stories play up that angle.

X: The Erotic Treasury is available in hardcover and Kindle edition. Although the hardcover is expensive, it's a beautiful, spicy gift for your lover or yourself.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Online dating for seniors: your experiences?

I'm also looking for a volunteer posse who would like to report back on an ongoing basis as you look for matches, email, meet, and date (or not). Email me if you'd like to be one of my confidential reporters.
(from my post about online dating a while back)

I guess you're a little shy about this. Right now I've got two women in my "posse" ready to report, and I'm working on getting three men to agree to share publicly what they've told me confidentially.

If you're 60-plus (OK, I'll accept youngsters age 50-60, too) and you're using online dating services and are willing to share your stories, please email me and sign up to be part of my senior online dating posse.

I'm looking for true and candid, senior online dating stories that inform and entertain my readers, aimed particularly at those who are curious about online dating and haven’t tried it yet, those who are trying and need tips for making it work, and those who just want to share vicariously your good and hideous experiences.

Sound like fun? If you send me installments as you go, with your real age and a first name of your choice, I’ll edit and post them.

Check out Straight, Single, Sixty ... and Dating by Katherine Anne Forsythe, MSW. Kat is a sexuality educator with a specialty in intimacy and aging and a friend of mine. She offers these wise tips for dating (and sex) at our age:
1. Keep your sense of humor. Have fun! Seriously, what else is there? Don’t take yourself so seriously.
2. Remember that all three legs of the stool count. All are needed for a solid relationship: financial, psychological, physical. Score high on each, and you have a winner.
3. Move on if it doesn’t feel right. Don’t waste precious time. It probably doesn’t feel right to her/him, either. Your mother is still right: There are other fish in the sea, even older fish.
4. Carry condoms. This generation rebels against condoms—most were lucky enough to dodge the AIDS epidemic because of long-term relationships. But the fifty-five-plus demographic has one of the fastest growing HIV diagnoses.
5. Carry lubricant. Women’s vaginas are drier after menopause. Use lots of lube!
6. Expect intimacy, not sex. In bed, take the emphasis off intercourse and let go of orgasm-mania from your twenties and thirties. Think pleasure, not performance.
7. Always keep time for friends. They will sustain you long after the latest love interest has gone.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Man, 300 pounds: Should I purchase a penis extender?

Mason, age 67, is 6 feet tall and weighs 300 pounds. His new wife is 4 ft.9 inches tall and weighs only 101 pounds. "I think you can picture the problem," Mason writes.

I have a LOT of belly fat all the way down to my penis area. When I was young I had about a 6 inch penis and weighed 200 and was able to please my wife in many ways. I have about 3 inches that is not covered by fat now but my belly keeps it from protruding long enough without hurting my wife.

When I make love I cannot be on top as I press too hard on her as well as the fat makes penetration not good at all. When she is on top, because of my fat she is having to hold on to my arms and it is like she is almost upside down trying to have sex.

She is a wonderful woman and does not complain but I know she is not enjoying sex the way she should and wants. She does have a climax but it is hard on her.

What I have in mind is purchasing a 3 inch penis extender that looks like a real penis and adding that to my penis to at least give me more length so I can penetrate without having to be on top of her.

Are you familiar with these extenders and do they work? Would they be hard to put on and will they stay on with the excitement of sex? I do not mind spending $40.00 for such a thing but do not wish to throw money away if they do not work.


Mason, have you asked your wife about this? Is this something she thinks she would enjoy? I don't suggest surprising her with a penis extender without discussing it with her. How about trying these options first:

1. Bring her to orgasm manually or orally, with or without the assistance of a vibrator, before you have intercourse. Then intercourse can be of shorter duration and not so taxing on her.

2. If she likes penetration but has difficulty with intercourse, incorporate a dildo into your love play before or instead of intercourse.

3. Have her try being on top facing backwards during intercourse, her hands braced on your legs. Try elevating your hips, making your belly fat will fall away from her. (Set up mirrors if you like to watch each other's faces.)

4. Consult your physician about what you can do to manage your weight. I'm not saying you could get back to your youthful weight of 200 pounds, but wouldn't it enhance your sex life as well as your health if you could shed, say, 50 pounds?

5. Most important, ask your wife what would make her happy. Show her these suggestions and a picture of the penis extender you're considering, if you think this would appeal to her. Have a loving discussion.

I hope these suggestions help. Would you let me know? I wish you and your wife much joy together.

-- Joan

Sunday, September 06, 2009

I love your emails -- most of the time

I love the thoughtful emails you write me. You share your experiences, opinions, questions, and reflections on aging and sexuality.

Often I write back asking for permission to post your comments here on this blog and/or in my upcoming book, so it would be handy if you could let me know in the first email if that's okay with you. I am always looking for ways to help others with the information I learn, and your emails often trigger a new topic or a new perspective on an older topic.

I also love seeing new comments pop up on this blog directly from you. (See these instructions for how to comment if this is new to you.) Your comments are valuable to my other readers as well as to me.

One kind of email I don't respond to, though, is the "you're hot, want to have sex or trade naked photos?" or the masturbatory fantasies that sometimes float into my inbox. I don't mean the spam that we all get and delete quickly -- I mean emails from people who demonstrate that they have read this blog, they like the discussions (especially about younger men/older women). It always surprises me that as seriously and respectfully as we talk about senior sex here, that still happens.

I guess it shouldn't surprise me. After all, if I'm discussing sexuality so openly -- even reviewing vibrators from a senior perspective, for goodness sake -- I can see how some readers might take that as an invitation to offer their services.

Robert used to tell me I was too trusting: I always believe people are sincere and doing the best they can to communicate unless someone proves otherwise in an obvious way. He used to worry about some of the emails I received. I just worry about whether I should answer them and explain why their approach will not help them find a relationship, or decline to answer.