Saturday, September 12, 2009

Online dating for seniors: your experiences?

I'm also looking for a volunteer posse who would like to report back on an ongoing basis as you look for matches, email, meet, and date (or not). Email me if you'd like to be one of my confidential reporters.
(from my post about online dating a while back)

I guess you're a little shy about this. Right now I've got two women in my "posse" ready to report, and I'm working on getting three men to agree to share publicly what they've told me confidentially.

If you're 60-plus (OK, I'll accept youngsters age 50-60, too) and you're using online dating services and are willing to share your stories, please email me and sign up to be part of my senior online dating posse.

I'm looking for true and candid, senior online dating stories that inform and entertain my readers, aimed particularly at those who are curious about online dating and haven’t tried it yet, those who are trying and need tips for making it work, and those who just want to share vicariously your good and hideous experiences.

Sound like fun? If you send me installments as you go, with your real age and a first name of your choice, I’ll edit and post them.

Check out Straight, Single, Sixty ... and Dating by Katherine Anne Forsythe, MSW. Kat is a sexuality educator with a specialty in intimacy and aging and a friend of mine. She offers these wise tips for dating (and sex) at our age:
1. Keep your sense of humor. Have fun! Seriously, what else is there? Don’t take yourself so seriously.
2. Remember that all three legs of the stool count. All are needed for a solid relationship: financial, psychological, physical. Score high on each, and you have a winner.
3. Move on if it doesn’t feel right. Don’t waste precious time. It probably doesn’t feel right to her/him, either. Your mother is still right: There are other fish in the sea, even older fish.
4. Carry condoms. This generation rebels against condoms—most were lucky enough to dodge the AIDS epidemic because of long-term relationships. But the fifty-five-plus demographic has one of the fastest growing HIV diagnoses.
5. Carry lubricant. Women’s vaginas are drier after menopause. Use lots of lube!
6. Expect intimacy, not sex. In bed, take the emphasis off intercourse and let go of orgasm-mania from your twenties and thirties. Think pleasure, not performance.
7. Always keep time for friends. They will sustain you long after the latest love interest has gone.


  1. Kat makes excellent points, especially number three, "move on if it doesn't feel right." I'm 35 and refuse to settle. Seeing older members of the community also refusing not to settle is an inspiration to me and a reminder that time does not start "running out" after you hit 30, no matter how desperately pop culture wants us to believe this. = )


  2. Josephine age 65September 13, 2009

    How do you decide whether to use one of the mega-sites or stick to the ones that cater to seniors? Am I right that the big sites have more seniors than the senior sites? But if we don't support the senior sites, how will they ever grow?

  3. Josephine age 65September 13, 2009

    P.S. Joan, I want to be one of your reporters. I'm very confused about online dating right now, but I'd like to share what I learn -- if I ever learn anything useful! I'll send you a personal email so you know who I am.

    I hope you get some guys to participate, too! I want to know what they think, what they're looking for when they read our profiles, whether they're accepting if our photos don't show glamour girls, etc.

  4. Kat's "three legged stool" is interesting. My three legs for a worthwhile mate are looks, brains and personality, with looks being least important, and personality most.

  5. I think the choice really depends on the person. One part of me feels like I have to be the one to fish through emails and look at profiles and go on a online dating that I choose because no one knows me better than I do. But another part of me would prefer an expert to match me up with someone and possibly eliminate those people I will not connect with. Maybe someday I will try both to see which works better.

  6. FYI, although the previous commenter -- "online dating" -- wrote in order to promote an online dating site that isn't relevant to us because it's for college students, I decided to let the comment publish because the content is worthwhile.
    -- Joan


My readers and I appreciate your thoughtful comments. Please share your views! Comments are moderated, so yours won't appear until I've seen it. Thank you in advance for commenting!

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-- Joan