Monday, June 22, 2009

Younger Men Seeking Older Women

I get frequent emails from men age 19-40+ who are attracted to women age 50-70+. They ask me how to meet women who might be open to a relationship with a much younger man.

I also hear from women who are surprised by -- and welcome! -- a younger man's interest, and others who would rather not date someone younger than their son. An example in that last camp is "Granny B" who describes her blog this way:

GrannyBoogies on the highway of life!
The life and adventures of a senior woman looking for her last Love. Is there sex after 70? Do senior dating services work? Will Granny find her soul mate?



Granny B recently posted about being pursued by a younger man via an online dating site. I posted this comment on her blog:

On my blog about sex and aging, I hear from younger men all the time who are attracted to older women and ask how to connect with them. These men say they value the woman's experience, self-knowledge, ease of communication in and out of bed. If you're honestly not attracted to a man younger than your son (every man is somebody's son!), then you're right to send him on his way gently. But if you're intrigued, you might get to know him!


Many of the younger men who write me describe warm memories about being introduced to sex by an older woman. Others tell me they respond to the wisdom and maturity of an older woman.

Check out my other posts on this subject.

Note to the men who want to talk about this. Yes, I welcome your comments here and your emails to me, but please -- we're talking about this subject with dignity. Do not send me your masturbatory fantasies or make me the object of them! (Please don't be insulted by this request -- I'm only saying this because it has happened a few times and that's not what this blog is about.)

6 comments:

  1. Hi Joan,

    Thank you for your posting both on and about my blog. I find that I am uneasy on a number of levels about this young man's repeated interest. The first thing that came to mind was the question as to whether his interest was a manifestation of an Oedipus complex and this disturbed me. The second question which arose was the issue of how comfortable am I with my aging body. Having been celibate for over two years as my husband's disease progress and he was admitted into long term care and for another two years since his death, I have fears of rejection in becoming sexually active. There is also a fear of being exploited emotionally by a much younger man. There is also the cultural background difference between two people with a significant age gap. A friend my age who was dating a much younger women, once told me: "After you have sex, there isn't much to talk about."

    So I welcome your wisdom and that of your readers. They can post here or on my blog at :http://grannyboogiesonthehighwayoflife.blogspot.com/
    and I will follow all comments.

    Again, thank you!

    Granny B

    ReplyDelete
  2. Granny B, if you have reservations about this relationship, this particular man is most likely not for you. Trust your instincts if you feel yourself running away rather than towards him. You're the best judge of what kind of relationship is right for YOU.

    -- Joan

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJuly 17, 2009

    I can certainly understand your concerns. I am a 26yo male and have been attracted to older women (30 and up) and I say older only because of the age at which I realized that I liked women who were at least twice my age. Younger men are uncomfortable as well, we may not show that but we truly are. We are afraid of being inexperienced, immature, boring, or being laughed at. The fact that you were approached by a much younger men says something. It probably took him a lot of courage to go after you and make it known. If there's one thing I have learned from my experience is that you should not miss opportunities that you think may be worth. You only live once and if you don't try you may never find out. Let's face it, sexual appeal plays a major role in any relationship and this is no different. I personally like older women because they're more stable, confident, experienced (both on a relationship and sexual level) and more fun! I think that a woman's body takes a beautiful shape (it is curvy, inviting, and appealing) as the individual ages. I will turn my head if a see a mature beautiful women way before a younger one!

    ReplyDelete
  4. As an older woman I prefer younger men and find them extremely attractive and appealling. As of yet I have not acted on my desires but have come close. I would love to experience my sexual fantasies with a younger man that I already like.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am a young male age 20 that see's women 40+ as very attractive and would jump at the chance to have a sexual encounter with a mature woman.
    My question for you ladies is if it came down to it, that you had the chance to have a one time sexual encounter with a young man my age would you do it?
    i believe this would make a good conversation and iam interested in your feedback Joan! Hope to hear from you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am a 42 year old single woman and i think if the opportunity to have a one time experience with a young man i would do it for the experience, life is short after all!
    ... but am i alone on this?

    ReplyDelete

My readers and I appreciate your thoughtful comments. Please share your views! Comments are moderated, so yours won't appear until I've seen it. Thank you in advance for commenting!

Some people have reported problems commenting. If this happens to you, please email your comment (with the name under which you want it posted) to joan@joanprice.com, and I'll post it for you.

Retailers please note: I delete comments that attempt to hijack my readers to a commercial site. If you'd like to advertise, contact me at joan@joanprice.com and I'll be happy to send you information.

Authors, therapists and sex educators who have helpful information for readers are welcome to post links to their sites.

-- Joan