Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Older Women, Younger Men: Let's hear from the women, too

My most popular posts are the older women/younger men topics -- most viewed, most comments and emails, and most frequently searched with phrases like "older woman young man sex" and "granny sex" (which I understand is not a pejorative term in other English-speaking countries, so I'll get used to it!). Yet the comments and emails I receive are almost all from the younger men, not the older women who are involved with them. I'd love to hear from the women, too, about your experiences, your feelings at the time, and your perspective now. You can either comment here or email me with permission to post your comment.

Let me assure the women and men who write me that any identifying information will remain confidential, and of course you can comment directly anonymously or with a pseudonym.

Yes, I get requests from younger men begging me to hook them up with older women, but I don't/won't get into that. There are websites that specialize in older women/younger men, and I'd love to know which ones, if any, you've viewed and found dignified and not in any way predatory.

I'll be including this topic in my new book. I'm still accepting interviews, so please contact me if you're interested in receiving my questionnaire.

Personally, I used to date younger men almost exclusively right up until the time I met Robert when I was 57 and he was 64. (At 64 and 71, we just celebrated our second wedding anniversary!) Until Robert, I found younger men more open-minded and energetic, less set in their ways, and more appreciative of what an older woman had to offer. But this all got blown away when I fell in love with Robert and discovered the man I'd been looking for my whole life. An older man can offer all those qualities I used to seek in younger men, yet with the wisdom of experience and relationship skills.

This makes me think that a long life being single before settling down might be just right to let us experience the qualities of youth, the qualities of age, and any mixture that might entice us!

I'd love to hear from you!

14 comments:

  1. When I was in my 40s, I had several relationships with men in their 20s.

    I loved feeling like the teacher, sexually. They knew how to please themselves during sex, but they didn't know much about how to please the woman. Maybe it's because younger women are reluctant to speak up. (Is that true, younger women?)

    I enjoyed showing these eager young men how to slow down, use more foreplay, and stimulate me (clitorally) to orgasm after intercourse if they got there first, which frequently happened. (I didn't mind, as long as they didn't stop.)

    I would have continued these kinds of relationships during my periods of single life 50-60, but I didn't meet men who were interested. It's great that you're hearing from these men -- at least we know they're out there!

    I'm in a committed relationship now with someone my own age, and I wouldn't trade him for anyone of any age. But sometimes in the privacy of my fantasies I think about a youthful lover from my past.

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  2. Paula age 56May 29, 2008

    I'm married to a man four years younger than I, and have always dated men at least somewhat younger. It wasn't that I was looking for younger men, these were simply the men I met and liked.

    When it comes to young enough to be my son, I think it's important for the younger man to be clear that he's interested in the much older woman. Reason being it's really embarrassing for us if it turns out that he's thinking of us as more of a mother figure and was really interested in the younger girl sitting right next to us.

    Men these days are really in a pickle when it comes to letting a woman know he's interested in dating her. I agree with political correctness and respect for each other, but we have to allow ourselves some fun too. Maybe we need to look at old fashioned courtship again for ideas we could bring up to date. I notice men doing some of these things again, like bringing the lady flowers or a modest gift, and women often reciprocate.

    Please excuse my hetero bias. For that matter does older/younger happen also in the gay community?

    My generation was caught up in a lot of change and we didn't always know what to do, given the changing roles of women at the time. The old rules were out the window, and new ones were still being created. It seems to me that some men my age either gave up or just went for cheap sex.

    Generally speaking the younger men are more used to women with careers, other interests, and a life outside the relationship.

    Maybe one of the biggest conflicts about dating someone much younger is different taste in music.

    I think we need more education about menopause and post menopause, a great time of life if you ask me. All we seem to collectively "know" about it is no more periods and the woman usually gets a little "crazy." Then it's assumed that everything is downhill from there. We're missing a lot of important aspects of woman-ness, and our humanity, with this attitude.

    I know a younger guy who was dating this great older lady who he said he would marry, except for the age difference and "she'll be going through menopause soon."

    Seems to me men generally don't like talking about anything that has to do with women's "plumbing" so there's another problem to solve.

    I agree that older/younger relationships have a lot of potential for learning about sex.

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  3. I swear, I am committing myself to finding an older women for dating now and have looked all over the place for any information, and your site seems to have great information on that.

    I am 23 now, I am looking to meet older women through online dating. What is the best approach? Talk to them just like I would talk to any other girl, show interest in her and make her feel good?

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  4. Tom, I answered similar questions from a 22-year-old man in this blog post: http://betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com/2007/06/22-year-old-man-how-to-approach-older.html (copy and paste if this doesn't hyperlink).

    Let me know if that helps you!

    -- Joan

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  5. Im 37 and my new lover is 25. I had just gotten out of one relationship and a day before my birthday I met him at Walmart.We are both from the same country. In less than a week we couldnt keep our hands off each other.The sex is great but sometimes not. I have become conscious of my body and find myself spending a lot of my money. I feel a bit emotionally depleted and melancholy.Sex is not everything.

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  6. I have always fancied older women and dated them. When I was 26 I dated a women almost 37 and so on. Now I am 40 and dating someon who is 50. Sex is great.

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  7. I am 47 dating a 25 yr old man, we have been together 3 yrs and are getting married in Dec---he is the most loving, caring and respectful person I have ever known,more mature than most guys my age.
    He is a Marine Corps Veteran serving 2 tours in Iraq and helping his Dad raise his brother and sisters when they were younger.
    To me age is JUST a number

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  8. i'm currently 15 and i have many sexual fantasies about women who are much older than i am, when i'm at school i sometimes see the teachhers(female of course) and my mind goes into overdrive. I also find girls my own age attractive aswell though, but to me older women have a natural beauty.
    one day i seriously hope to have sex with a much older woman.

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  9. I am dating a guy 25 years younger than me. He loves me so much and I love him so much too. He is the same age as my kids. They have accepted him. My father hates me and there are a lot of people who I would not tell. But I have friends who support us and accept us as they can see how much we love each other. I have never felt so alive and loved and cared for as he makes me feel. He doesn’t care what people think, as long as he has me, he is happy. I do have a problem though and find it difficult to accept what people think. But I really can’t change the way we feel about each other. This was not planned we just fell in love. Every day that goes by we love each other more and more. I would not and could not give him up for anything.

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  10. I am dating a guy 25 years younger than me. He loves me so much and I love him so much too. He is the same age as my kids. They have accepted him. My father hates me and there are a lot of people who I would not tell. But I have friends who support us and accept us as they can see how much we love each other. I have never felt so alive and loved and cared for as he makes me feel. He doesn’t care what people think, as long as he has me, he is happy. I do have a problem though and find it difficult to accept what people think. But I really can’t change the way we feel about each other. This was not planned we just fell in love. Every day that goes by we love each other more and more. I would not and could not give him up for anything.

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  11. I have been dating a younger man for the last 8 months. He is 33 and I'm 51. I have never dated a younger man before and was very surprise I was interested in him. I am now very much in love with him and scared to death. I've gotten over caring what others think...and the fact some do not take my relationship seriously. I know how serious it is and that is all that matters. However, I am so fearful of what the future holds for us. I've never had any issue about my age since I look young and have a very young disposition. But, I'm afraid I will become bitter about my age as I grow older with him. I am also afraid of what he will have to endure with me as I get older. Other than the age I couldn't ask for a more perfect partner in every way. How can I stop from ruining this relationship due to my fears? Help!

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  12. Steph, you're right that fear and insecurity can kill a relationship, so you're wise to work on fixing that now. A counselor could help.

    Also, though I hate to say this, we never know what the future has in store for us. Please treasure each other and the moments you have NOW rather than fretting about the future. You love each other now -- let that be the important part.

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  13. hey! im 23 and have no problem finding girls my age! i felt the need to comment on this page.i was in a 8yr. relationship with a girl my age that fell apart. after the dust settled i was on the rebound hunt! i met a women 39 yrs old. wow! let me tell u not just the sex but the over all day to day life with her was amazing. the whole problem was 1. i wasnt ready for a relationship and 2. she wanted kids asap. we split and i went back to the same age group. now i find myself back in a relation ship with a women 34 yrs old (and happy). i analyzed this and realized why i like older women. im mature for my age and hate head games. and older women are very genuine!! ;) i have the most fun with them and love the fact that they dont analyze every action, or word when not in proper meaning. they appreciate all the things no matter how small that a guy does for them. AND let me tell ya in the bedroom there is no comparison to a women in her 30's. wow!! they know what to do!! so i have to say to all the younger guys and seasoned women out there, keep it up! age is just a # and being happy is worth way more than a status! and any guy lucky enough to have an older women should hold his head high cuz he SCORED!!!! lol!!

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  14. "mr.mature," I had to laugh at your perspective that a woman in her thirties is an "older woman" when most of our readers here are twice that age or more. I hope you'll continue to keep your mind open!

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