We slowly reached the point where we decided we needed to fix the situation. We started taking more time in our lovemaking and trying different lubricants, and that did work much better for us. I also bought your book Better Than I ever Expected, and it has been very helpful.
However, I found that when we had romantic weekends, I would occasionally have problems maintaining my erection. That had never happened before and was really stressful, so I now use Levitra to have confidence that I can be erect. The effects of Levitra seem to linger, so I don't feel like I need to take it right before lovemaking. I can take it anywhere from one to 12 hours ahead of time and it still works for me.
Unfortunately, no amount of foreplay, oral or manual stimulation was able to bring about an orgasm in my wife. This was really frustrating to me, since I felt that our lovemaking was too one-sided. I think it maybe bothered me more than my wife. In the past, I was very good at knowing her body and her response and I could bring about very nice orgasms by a combination of oral and manual massaging.
So, after reading your book, and doing some additional reading and research, I spent $225 on an Eroscillator. We had never experimented with sex toys, so I wanted to get something that looked like it would be effective, and this seemed to have the recommendations and documentation to back it up.
What a difference! The first time we tried it, we spent some time together getting warmed up, and I used the soft fingertip attachment on her. My wife had her first orgasm in six years within just a few minutes, and she cried in my arms afterwards. This has made a huge difference in our lovemaking, and my wife now has very strong orgasms.
We are still trying to figure out the best way to work it into our lovemaking, we had never used any vibrators or sex toys before. I love it because I now can be sure that I can please her, and I want her to be able to come first. I like it because it is nearly silent, and very effective.
Thank you, Tom, for your candor and for the details that will help other people in the same situation. As you know, I've been a fan of the Eroscillator (the soft fingertip attachment is my favorite, too!), and I found my own eyes starting to water when I read about your wife crying in your arms after her first orgasm in six years. As for how to work it into your lovemaking, the woman can hold it and use it for clitoral stimulation while her partner is caressing and arousing her manually, and she can also use it during intercourse, depending on the position.
"What would you tell others in your situation?" I asked Tom.
I would just tell others that there are ways to make things better. Talking with doctors and counselors can help, but I think that the familiarity of their doctors with sexual issues may be lacking, so specialists may be needed. I do know from personal experience how difficult it is to go to a doctor and ask for help on sexual matters. Requesting a prescription for Levitra was a very tough thing to do, so I can imagine that talking about more difficult issues can be very hard.
Fortunately, with some effort, the Internet can be a good source for information. That (Amazon.com) is where I learned about your book and blog, and I also picked up Dr. Ruth's book. I also used it to search for different lubricants to try and learn about the Eroscillator. Especially for people who are not in a major city the Internet is a great tool.
Learn more about the Eroscillator: