Erica, age 64, got out of a bad marriage with her zest for life (and sex) intact. She experienced some exhilarating (though short-term) sexual relationships through online dating, but ultimately quit trying to find her match after too many rejections. Now she tells me,
I think my main problem is feeling attractive to the opposite sex at my age. I notice that there are older women who attract men no matter how old they are. They have what I call the “it” factor. They’re not necessarily beautiful, but they radiate self confidence. My friend’s mother had men pursuing her into her 80s. I never had the the “it” factor when I was young and pretty, so how am I going to get it now when I really have good reasons not to feel attractive. I’d like to see that question answered.
I've studied such women by the way and I do have a few clues. My friend's mom was a former glamour girl who had been pursued by men her whole life and she retained that charm and youthfullness until she died. She dressed in ridiculously youthful clothes but I guess men liked that. She acted as if she was gorgeous even when she was very old and always just assumed she'd be the center of attention wherever she was.
Another friend--around my age-- has ALWAYS been very attractive to men even though she's short and dumpy with not great skin. She's also very charming (charm is key), has a sense of personal style (both these women do) and radiates friendliness combined with a rather haughty attitude that she is the arbiter of intelligence and what matters in life that gets men (and women in fact) working for her approval.
Such women are very seductive--and the key is they don't try to attract men, they don't care if men are attracted to them, that's the self-confidence factor. They're just charming, outgoing and friendly. I've also noticed (and was once told by a woman who attracted a lot of guys) that being very friendly is key. Men want to be around women who make them feel accepted.
I'm kind of shy so have trouble with friendliness. What's helped me is owning an extremely cute dog. He's a conversation starter and I'm much less shy when he's with me.
I'd love to hear more suggestions that don't rely on looks, or pretending you're someone you're not.
I'd like to hear from other women who are either in Erica's situation or feel they've overcome those feelings. I'd also like to hear from men who can identify or describe the "it" factor in women who attract them despite not being young or conventionally gorgeous.
I look forward to hearing from you,