Monday, July 09, 2007

What makes a 60+ woman attractive?

Erica, age 64, got out of a bad marriage with her zest for life (and sex) intact. She experienced some exhilarating (though short-term) sexual relationships through online dating, but ultimately quit trying to find her match after too many rejections. Now she tells me,

I think my main problem is feeling attractive to the opposite sex at my age. I notice that there are older women who attract men no matter how old they are. They have what I call the “it” factor. They’re not necessarily beautiful, but they radiate self confidence. My friend’s mother had men pursuing her into her 80s. I never had the the “it” factor when I was young and pretty, so how am I going to get it now when I really have good reasons not to feel attractive. I’d like to see that question answered.

I've studied such women by the way and I do have a few clues. My friend's mom was a former glamour girl who had been pursued by men her whole life and she retained that charm and youthfullness until she died. She dressed in ridiculously youthful clothes but I guess men liked that. She acted as if she was gorgeous even when she was very old and always just assumed she'd be the center of attention wherever she was.

Another friend--around my age-- has ALWAYS been very attractive to men even though she's short and dumpy with not great skin. She's also very charming (charm is key), has a sense of personal style (both these women do) and radiates friendliness combined with a rather haughty attitude that she is the arbiter of intelligence and what matters in life that gets men (and women in fact) working for her approval.

Such women are very seductive--and the key is they don't try to attract men, they don't care if men are attracted to them, that's the self-confidence factor. They're just charming, outgoing and friendly. I've also noticed (and was once told by a woman who attracted a lot of guys) that being very friendly is key. Men want to be around women who make them feel accepted.

I'm kind of shy so have trouble with friendliness. What's helped me is owning an extremely cute dog. He's a conversation starter and I'm much less shy when he's with me.

I'd love to hear more suggestions that don't rely on looks, or pretending you're someone you're not.

I'd like to hear from other women who are either in Erica's situation or feel they've overcome those feelings. I'd also like to hear from men who can identify or describe the "it" factor in women who attract them despite not being young or conventionally gorgeous.

I look forward to hearing from you,



  1. gratitudeJuly 09, 2007

    I agree that you have to believe and act like you're the hottest thing on two feet even if you're not. I see beautiful unconfident women in no relationship, or a bad one, all the time, and confident not so good looking women with great men.

    Confidence in one's sexiness is the key, and anyone can have it.

    I think it helps to get into self pleasuring. Really enjoy it and consider it a valid form of sex. Then you're already sexually satisfied, you already have a sex life. For some reason this makes one more attractive. I think orgasms make a person look more glowy and beautiful.

    I was a shy not so confident young woman. Since about age 50 I've gotten new confidence and am lots more popular with men. So I think we can change at any age if we want to. I have to say that it took a lot of work on my part, but was well worth it.

    There's a book out called "Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts" or something like that. It goes into detail about how to become one of the "glamour girls." It's aimed generally at younger women, but it worked just fine for me, and it's not about doing a makeover or anything that superficial. It has sound psychology, lots about self nurturing, and lots of great tips on how desirable women think and behave. I found it very helpful.

    When I got my dog, a funny and flirtatious lab mix, I was instantly more popular. People who are shy about talking to you alone will come right up if you have a dog with you. A cute dog might be the single best flirting aid available.

    Dogs are also good at psyching out when someone isn't good for us to be around or might even hurt us. With dating that's an invaluable resource. If a guy doesn't like my dog, or my dog doesn't like him, that's it for the guy.

  2. AnonymousJuly 15, 2007

    I think it's pretty simple what makes a 60+ woman attractive - it's that _they_ WANT to continue to attract the opposite sex.

    That is to say that, to them, it's worth going to the trouble of having nice coiffed hair (one of the most attractive things about older women), nice (but not overdone) makeup, red lips (the older a woman, the nicer red lips look), showing at least a bit of cleavage, wearing heels, showing legs, etc. But it's not just how they dress and look... it's how they ACT too.

    The sexiest women, especially if they're available and 60+ make men feel like a) she's interested in you as a man, and b) Oh yes, you do stand a chance of getting her into bed (even if that's not her intent at all... just hinting at the possibility make her attractive).

    Too many 60+ women act like sex is "been there, done that, no longer intrested" and then proceed to dress and act like they're all used up and waiting to die.

    The most attractive 60+ women that I've met act like their 60's are their next big adventure in life, that they've "lived convention" and now they can risk experimenting a little bit - "a bit eccentric", like enjoying the company of younger men, is OK. And believe me, many, MANY younger men, particularly in their 40s and 50s ARE interested in 60+ women, having grown tired of women in their same age group desperately trying to cling to their looks from their 20s and 30s, or desperate to find and hold a MAN of any kind.

    A mid-40's man who admires those 60+ women who still want to be looked at, admired, and still feel a sense of adventure about being with men.

  3. "It" certainly has to do with self-confidence. A woman with self-confidence is always attractive. When I was younger, almost all young women looked sexually attractive, but as I aged I found that I needed more than looks, even to get me sexually interested in a woman. I self-confident woman walks with her head held high, will do or say almost anything, and is not offended by what people say to her, in my experience. Now, as far as being attracted to woman for companionship other than sex, then I think it matters most what the common interests are. But, if what we're talking about here is sexual compatibility, then men are going to be interested either in the youngest women they can find, or, in a woman of any age who is also interested in sex. Seems like men never lose that desire for sex, but it's not an important thing to woman, particularly as they age. I could be wrong, but that's how it seems to me from a male perspective.


My readers and I appreciate your thoughtful comments. Please share your views! Comments are moderated, so yours will not appear until I approve it. I'm not censoring your ideas, but I am deleting commercial messages and testimonials for penis enlargement, erectile magic, sex toys / retailers that I do not endorse, escort services, and so on.

If you're a reader who wants to exchange views and experiences, I welcome you. Some people have reported problems commenting. If this happens to you, please email your comment (with the name under which you want it posted) to, and I can post it for you.

Retailers please note: I delete comments that attempt to hijack my readers to a commercial site. If you want to advertise, contact me at

Authors, therapists and sex educators who have helpful information for readers are welcome to post links to their sites.

-- Joan