Feb. 12, 2010 update: I'm bringing this older post up to the front again because of all the questions I'm getting on the same subject. I get more emails from younger men -- age 18 to 40something -- who are attracted to much older women (usually 60+) than any other topic!
So I'm resurrecting this post and inviting comments from both young men about what attracts them to older women and from older women about how a younger man can find them and make contact. Are any of the online dating sites especially good to help younger/older connect?
Note: I am NOT matchmaking here, though many young men have begged me to post their email addresses. No, can't do that, folks. And guys, please don't ask me personally to hook up with you! That kind of request -- yes, I do get them -- feels creepy, and I won't even answer to tell you to stop it. Just stop it. And no, I don't need to know how big your penis is.
So, that said -- what do you younger men and older women want to ask or say? Please post a comment here. And please see other posts on this topic here.
Leopardy is a 22-year-old male in Australia who likes older women. He emailed this story to me:
I've had 2 women in my life (sexually only). Great fun, I must admit, but it tears you apart when the bad has to come up. I like older women for their maturity and for their gorgeous features, such as lips, hips, legs, and fragrance, mmmmmmm. I admit I find it rather hard to find the perfect older woman as they all tend to lead me on then shoot me off which hurts like hell.
I met a woman online back in 2004. After 3 months chatting I gave her my details and she came up here. We had sex, and then she really got abusive and threatened me with police threats etc. She told her so-called friends about me and said what a pathetic useless peice of shit I was.
I'd like to know how to approach older women. I just want a woman that can understand me, one that takes me for who I am and NOT degrade me in any way.
Thank you for been so supportive and having a wonderful site. I can't even recall how I got hold of your site, but I was amazed and immediately added it to my favourites.
Leopardy, I encourage you to get to know the older women who attract you before you jump into bed with them. Those who are looking for quick fun probably won't value you the way you want. It's fine to seek a match online, but if you seem to connect, please take some time dating and becoming friends so that you know who she is and she knows you.
That might mean you don't get the instant pleasure and excitement of sex with a stranger who seems to fit your fantasy, but if what you're looking for is a respectful relationship, that takes time to unfold and nurture.
That doesn't answer your question about how to approach older women. I'll repeat the suggestions I gave Sean:
1. Converse, listen (very important!), and flirt as you would with a woman of any age. Yes, she'll recognize the signs. She might be shy about letting you see her signs, in case she fears she's misreading yours, so keep her talking.
2. Don't rush things along -- she wants to know she interests you as a person, not just a potential bed partner.
3. Look into her eyes a lot. Really listen and respond to what she's saying.
4. Lean towards her to give the body signal that you're interested. Watch for these signs from her: eye contact; leaning towards you; arms relaxed (not crossed in front of chest); playing with hair, clothing, or jewelry.
5. After a nice, long conversation, where you feel there's a connection, you might ask her outright: "I wonder if there's any reason I should not ask you out."
6. If she says, "I'm old enough to be your mother," you can ask, "I really like the maturity and intelligence of older women. The question is, am I too young to interest you?"
7. If you're really brave, carry a copy of my book, Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and carry it around. When she asks about the book, say something like, "I find older women very attractive, and I hope this book will help me understand them better -- in all ways."
I'd love to hear from readers about this topic. I know many readers come to my blog seeking information about older women/younger men relationships, so please contribute yours.