Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Guy Talk about Sex after Sixty

Since Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty came out, I have been speaking to groups around the US and Canada, and one question keeps coming up from the men: Where is the book about sex after sixty for us? Although many men have read and enjoyed Better Than I Ever Expected -- and tell me they have learned a lot from it! -- it was written primarily for women and about women.

I'm listening, guys! You want a book that addresses your concerns, too, and includes men's experiences told by men.

I'm thinking about my next book now, and I'd like to know what you'd want to read: a book just about men and sex after midlife, or would you want a balance of men and women speaking out about their attitudes and experiences? Would you be more interested in the special challenges of dating after 50 or 60, or keeping a long-term relationship sexy, or both?

Women, would you like to hear guy talk about sex after sixty? Would you read a book aimed at men to know your man better?

Men and women, would you be interested in reading about couples who have kept their sex lives spicy and satisfying long-term?

What specific questions or topics would you hope to read?

I'm brainstorming my next book, and I await your input! Either click "comment" below or email me if you prefer. I look forward to hearing from you!

11 comments:

  1. At the moment I am not sure what I want to read. I have always had good sex. Have had wonderful teachers. I might be in a better position to share my experiences on why the sex has been good over the years.

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  2. Hi, Joan. Congratulations on your book's success! I think a book about men over 60 with contributions by both men and their partners is a good idea. I think it needs to be pitched to both women and men. I think it's important to deal with "loss" issues as well as how to keep it sexy.

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  3. Hi, Joan. I'm glad you're planning a book for men. If you can get a wide range of participants, as you did for the first book, I think both men and women would be eager to read the book. Women tend to share intimate details with their friends, but from the men I know, I don't think that happens too often. It's more like locker room talk, without the helpful details. I think you got authentic, honest responses from a wide range of women. It may take more work to get the same from men. But I hope you do it!

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  4. Well we need to keep in mind that women are still at a disadvantage in some ways when it comes to sexuality research -- as in it's mostly focused on men with the assumption that women are pretty much the same (NOT!)-- and that most of the drugs aimed at enhancing sexualily are for men, like viagra. I do think our culture as a whole is threatened by the idea of an fully sexual older woman, and this may influence the drug research and sexuality research in general. I was at my doctor's office recently, and the brochures provided by the drug companies were about testosterone gel for men and an osteoporosis drug for women. What is the subtle message there?!

    But that being said, I think men have been ignored in many ways, with all the emphasis on older women's issues that we're seeing lately. Men are going through their own midlife transition just as we women are. Men who want to do the stereotypical thing and date younger women are supported and encouraged, but there doesn't seem to be much attention paid to men who are getting older and want to date or keep up a sexy relationship with their older woman partner.

    Since feedback from men has often been useful to me as a woman who wants men in her life, I think feedback from women in a book about older men's sex lives would also be useful. But the greatest emphasis needs to be on the men's stories.

    Sometimes reading about what is possible helps me. I was reading about women who can "think themselves off" in an excellent book by Gina Ogden. At first I was jealous, thinking that I've never been able to do that. Then it started happening once in a while for me! Maybe just knowing it was possible was what I needed. So it would likely be helpful for older men to read other older men's success stories. We tend to believe what we are told by those in authority, and older men are being told that they are not what they used to be sexually. Our beliefs influence our bodies to such a great degree. We humans have so much more sexual potential -- regardless of our age or gender -- than we realize. How many people know, for example, that men of all ages (who are willing to work at it) are capable of having multiple orgasms?

    It would be helpful to read about what men who are still sexually potent did in the past to take care of themselves and what they are doing now. What do they eat? Do they use supplements and herbs? What is their fitness regimen? What are their experiences with hormone replacement? What prescripton drugs dampen sexuality? How do they handle health challenges? How do they deal gracefully with bringing sexual enhancement drugs into the bedroom?

    When this book comes out I will certainly be buying a copy for my husband, who in my opinion could really use encouragement from someone other than me.

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  5. I feel a book of us men 50 plus would be great especially if it contained dialogue from woman as well as they would ask the question. It would give both sides on one time and maybe some great insite. So the women may ask why have we lost our intimacy and the men survey can answer the why from their own experiences.

    Jeffrey

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  6. Afraid a book of men's experiences with sex over sixty, or any other age, would be of no interest to me, even if I was having sexual problems. It is not an area of curiosity for me, and I wouldn't consider their situation directly applicable to my own, except in very general ways I would have already researched.
    It wouldn't give me any consolation to read about other men also having sexual problems, either. A primarily sexual health oriented book might be of some interest, or one to help me better understand my female partner's needs as she ages - though you seem to have that topic covered already. Best wishes for your success.

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  7. Thanks for your comments both here and by email. I'm happy to say that I'll be writing about both men and women for both men and women.

    I'll be addressing the concerns as well as the joys of senior sex, including the challenges of health, decreased desire, long-term relationships, new relationships, no relationships....

    And like Better Than I Ever Expected, nothing will be off limits!

    Several of you have said you'd be willing to be interviewed, thank you! I'm especially seeking couples who would be willing to be interviewed both separately and together. Let me know!

    -- Joan

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  8. That would be awesome...I think the idea of having a book for the men is great. One think I realized about sex at an older age is you have to spice things up. I saw a show this past weekend in NYC called My First Time...it was great and really got my husband and I in the mood. You guys should try it or if your not in the NYC area then try something similar. It's a lot of fun!

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  9. I'm newly divorced - sixty years old. I can tell you I'm just happy to be off the merry go 'round:)

    Carry on......:)

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  10. Everyone comments about a book for men. If men would be able to express their feelings, needs and fears about sex in their sixties, women could better understand the intricacies of their actions that seemingly don't but actually do associate with sexual fears and understand that which they could do to alleviate fears and motivate the relationship. That would be a woman's book.

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  11. I am a 66 year old woman who suddently discovered that she has herpes. To say the least, I was mortified and mystified as to how I contracted the virus. It had been seven years since I had had sex when I had two sexual experiences with a man whom I thought I could trust. It is murky whether I contacted the virus from him (he says he got tested and doesn't have it) or from some earlier sexual partner in past years. If and when I ever have another partner, I know I will have to tell him that I have this virus. Besides taking Valtrex and using a condom, what lubricant would you reccomend?

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-- Joan