Friday, February 02, 2007

Why so hard to talk about sex?

Why is it so hard for couples to talk about sex? Does it get any easier with age?

A year ago, I would have said that yes, with the experience, self-knowledge, and communications skills that come with age, it does get easier to talk about all intimate matters, including sex. That's certainly true for me.

And yet, in the past year since my book came out, I've heard from dozens of readers or workshop attendees who tell me about the difficulties they have communicating their sexual needs, desires, and worries to their partners, either long-term or new.

What do you think? What reasons hold us back from communicating fully about sex to a partner? I'll start the list, and I invite you to join in with your ideas.

1. We're afraid of being judged.

2. We're afraid that our partner will think that he or she is being judged.

3. Our upbringing rears its ugly head: we shouldn't be feeling/ saying/ doing this.

4. We're embarrassed about the changes in our sexual response due to aging and/or our medical challenges.

5. We're afraid our partner will misunderstand or say no to our request.

6. We worry, "What if my partner does what I'm asking, and it still doesn't work?"

7. We don't know what to ask for, we just know something could be better.

Please comment on any of these that resonate with you, and feel free to add your own ideas. You can click on "comments" below, or email me with your comments.

Thanks for helping me figure this out!

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