The Hitachi Magic Wand: guest review by David M. Pittle, Ph.D.

“Where are the reviews of sex toys for men?” you keep asking me.

My books and blog are not just for women – I’m happy that I have many male readers, and I’m thrilled when men as well as women fill the room at my talks and workshops. But how do I, a woman, review a sex toy for men?

Obviously, I do that by inviting a smart, articulate, candid, sex-positive man of our age to review it – a man like David Pittle.

I first met David when he attended one of my talks and introduced himself as a therapist in San Rafael, CA, saying that he has been buying copies of Naked at Our Age for his clients. Since then, he has attended several of my events, and we’ve had many lively and honest conversations about sex and aging. When he told me that the Hitachi Magic Wand is his favorite sex toy, I invited him to write a review from his male perspective. Lucky for us, he was happy to oblige. Here it is:

The Hitachi Magic Wand

reviewed by David M. Pittle, Ph.D.

Most sex toys are designed for either women or men. However, one wonderful item which is bisexual is the magnificent and venerable Hitachi Magic Wand. 

The Magic Wand has been around for over 30 years in several constantly improving versions. The current Hitachi Magic Wand HV250R is a vibrator that can wake up your libido no matter how jaded you might be.

As we men get older, some of us have more difficulty getting a good erection. For many men that’s enough of a put-off that we quit trying. It can be embarrassing and disappointing. It is easy to begin to forget the joy of sex. But on a health level, getting off is important. A large, recent study, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (April 2004), showed that men who have an active sex life--twenty or more times per month--were about one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer. Of course sex for its own sake is worthwhile.

Why would men use a vibrator? “If I don’t have a partner, I always have the natural vibrator, my hand,” many men say. And while that is true, it’s like saying that just because I like spaghetti, I can’t also enjoy a baked potato with my meal. Variety is the spice of life and a good vibrator is very spicy indeed.

The Magic Wand is large, about 12.5 inches in length. It resembles nothing so much as an old World War I potato masher hand grenade. Like a hand grenade, when it goes off, it provides a very big bang. The business end is 2.25 inches across, with a shallow v-slot that will hold your penis even in its flaccid state, and keeps it captured as you get hard. With two different speeds—L(ow) provides a relatively gentle ride and H(igh) gives a powerful, “let’s get going now” experience—the Magic Wand handles all the needs for most men.

Doctors sometimes recommend the Magic Wand, ostensibly for massaging back and shoulder muscles. But that size makes it perfect for massaging a man’s testicles and perineum, the area between the anus and the testicles, an area which is very erotically sensitive.

Another nice feature is that the head is easy to clean, as every sex toy should be, though not immersible and not for use in the tub or shower. The Magic Wand is corded and must be plugged into a wall socket. It is perfectly safe electrically when used in bed or other dry environments, but obviously one would not use it in the water any more than a hair dryer.

One accessory that may be useful to some men, though I haven’t felt the need for it, is a variable speed controller.  It can slow down the Magic Wand, if even the Low speed is too much, but I notice that reviews are generally not positive. If it isn’t needed, save the money and get a vibrator that is less intense.

I’ve tried a few of the sex toys specifically designed for men, but I always come back to my MagicWand!

David Pittle

David M. Pittle, Ph.D., is a therapist in San Rafael, CA, who has been helping people with sexual issues for over thirty years. Many of his clients are age 50-80, when good sex is important, and dissatisfaction may lead to loss of shared intimacy that can threaten the total relationship. David specializes in helping women who are not experiencing sexual satisfaction and men with non-medical and medically-related erectile dysfunction or other issues. Visit his website here.

Read Joan's review of the Magic Wand for women. You'll also find references to the Magic Wand in reviews of many other sex toys, because the Magic Wand's intensity is the gold standard!

Note from Joan: Please see my other vibrator reviews by clicking here. Keep scrolling down -- there are many! I love to hear from you and welcome your comments about any sex toys reviewed here, because our experiences are all different, and your experience will help other readers decide which toy is right for them. (However, if you're a sex toy retailer, I don't permit links that compete with the retailers I endorse -- spammy, highjacking comments and links won't see the light of day.)

Why is senior sex invisible in magazines?

Jennifer Nelson

Health and lifestyle writer Jennifer Nelson is blogging about women's magazines at http://stilettonation.wordpress.com/. For a book she's writing titled Stiletto Nation: The Lure and Loathing of Women's Magazines (Seal Press), Jennifer asked me for a quote about whether the sex articles in the women's magazines portray a realistic image of real-life sex in our age group. 

This was my response:

As an older woman and a spokesperson for ageless sexuality, I find that my age group is largely invisible in the women's magazines' treatment of sexuality. The only exception is when they notice the gorgeous sex appeal of an older celebrity, like Helen Mirren. But celebrate the sexuality of the rest of us older women, or offer us sexual self-help? No, that's only for those without wrinkles -- or life experience!

After responding to Jennifer and posting this on my Naked at Our Age Facebook page (which I hope you'll "like" and follow!), this topic stayed on my mind and kept giving me frown wrinkles. I decided to consult you:

Do you find that any magazine -- women's or men's -- treats seniors as sexual beings and gives honest, helpful, candid information about sexuality at our age? I know, this blog does that (thank you!) -- but can you pick up any print magazine at the supermarket or bookstore that doesn't ignore our sexuality? 

Contrast that with the dozens of magazine covers -- featuring wrinkle-free, airbrushed, cleavage-enhanced women and virile, muscular, ab-enhanced men -- that promise the ultimate answer about what he/she wants in bed, or 10 tips to seduce or thrill your partner, reignite your relationship, fulfill your/his/her fantasies... do I need to go on?

Why is senior sex invisible in magazines? More important, how can we change that? That's what I want to know.

Senior Erotica Anthology: Call for Submissions

(1/18/12: I'm moving this post to the top because we're so close to the Feb. 1 deadline. The submissions are coming in quickly now, and I'm having a delicious time reading them. If you submitted, even months ago, hold on -- acceptances will go out by mid-February. If you haven't submitted yet, please read the guidelines carefully first. I look forward to hearing from you!)


(11/20/11: We have many new readers, thanks to placing #14 of the 100 Best Sex Bloggers 2011 and being recently featured on the front page of Suddenly Senior, so I'm bringing this Call for Submissions to the top again. Please send me your complete contact info if you'd like to submit a story or personal essay to this anthology. The submission isn't due until February, but I'd like your contact info ahead. Please read my updates at end.)

 Joan Price is seeking erotic stories and memoir essays of high literary quality from writers over age 50, featuring steamy characters also over age 50, for a senior erotica anthology to be published Spring 2013 by Seal Press. 

Will this be your typical erotica anthology with a few wrinkles?

No, the truth is that we seniors don’t respond to the sopping-wet panties and rock-hard erections that are the hallmark of traditional, youth-oriented erotica. Instead, we want erotica that we can relate to, that encompasses the changes and adaptations of age, that acknowledges how we like to be stimulated. Age is accepted, celebrated, and sensually enjoyed. 

Characters may be having spicy sex with partners they love and have loved for decades; or with new loves or casual encounters; or solo with hands, vibrators, memories, and fantasies.  Although I admit my bias towards erotica that is tender and loving, I’m also looking for edgy and kinky stories for a balanced collection.

Seal Press and I will choose submissions of high literary quality, not just good, explicit sex scenes. Arouse us with a sexy, well-crafted plot we haven’t read before, characters who entice us and feel real to us, language that describes sex in a new way. I welcome diversity of all kinds, including race, ethnic background, gender identification, sexual orientation, disability, and every other kind of diversity.

Word length: 1,500-3,000 words, previously unpublished preferred.

Payment: $100 on acceptance and 2 copies of the book on publication.

Submission deadline: February 1, 2012 (earlier submissions preferred). Please submit Word document, double-spaced, Times or Times New Roman font. Authors may submit up to 2 contributions.

Before you submit (right now would be good!), please email me at SeniorErotica@gmail.com with the header “senior erotica submission” and include your 75-100-word author bio written in the third person and complete contact information: legal name, pseudonym if applicable, mailing address, email address, and phone. Please include your age, also (which won’t be public unless you want it to be). I’ll put you in my database of potential contributors and update you as the project progresses.

Please feel free to copy and forward.

Thank you!

Joan Price

Updates -- please read:

9/22/11 update: I'm receiving submissions already -- thank you!  I'd prefer the sex scenes to take place at the characters' current age (over 50, 60, 70...). A story or two with flashbacks to younger years is fine, but I'm getting too many youthful flashbacks and too few current-age erotic scenes. What makes a story sexy and arousing at our age? That's your challenge!

10/4/11: Please read this new post updating what I'm seeking -- even if you already submitted your story.

11/1/11: I know it's tempting to write about older characters having sex with impossibly attractive, young partners, and yes, it's ok if you've written a truly fabulous story in that vein -- but I'd love to see more stories about older characters who are wildly attracted to each other and have amazing sex together. Let's show our youth-oriented culture (and ourselves!) that we're sexy at this age, too.

11/13/11: I’m pedaling away on my Fitdesk, rereading the 30 erotica submissions I’ve received already. It's too early to officially accept any contributions, but I can't resist sharing with you that I absolutely love five of these stories. The ones that work incorporate seamlessly and unapologetically the realities of making love as an older person, whether it’s the man taking a pill or the woman applying lubricant or one of them placing a pillow under creaky knees before giving oral sex. Meanwhile, the focus is on the gradual building of the erotic details, as the author brings the sex scene to life and invites the reader to join the characters' arousal. "How the heck do I accomplish that?" you may ask. Only really good writers manage it, those who are our age and can describe what great sex feels like now. Looking forward to seeing your submission!

11/18/11: I've received contact information & bios from 51 writers, inquiries from about 20 more, submissions from 30. Clearly this is an idea whose time has come! If you are interested in submitting, please send the contact info/bio ahead so you're in my database. We have plenty of time before submissions are due, but don't wait if yours is ready.

11/20/11: It's a fine balance between erotically arousing and realistic older sex, isn't it? A few writers are doing that brilliantly--but many get stuck in gloom or reverie rather than bringing to life the exuberance of senior/elder sex. Some have so much story going on that the actual erotic part is bare; others are just writing the sex scene, without a story. Again, it's a fine balance, and it takes a skillful writer to make it work.

Joan's Upcoming Events

I'd love to meet you in person! As events are scheduled, I'll post them here.

If you are interested in having me speak at your event or to your organization, please email me. See more information about my aging and sexuality talks here. (I also speak about fitness -- click here.)

Thurs., Feb. 9, 2012, 6-9 pm. Osmosis Day Spa Sanctuary in Freestone, CA, hosts a Sex and Romance event with food, wine, and Joan Price sharing Tips for Better Sex -- Whether You're Partnered or Not! at 7 pm and 8 pm. How can you make sex better, whether you’re in a relationship or solo? Learn tips for all ages from teens to seniors from senior sexpert Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty. Joan’s upbeat, candid, often humorous talk will send you home with new ideas and new things to try! $20 per adult, call (707) 823-8231 to RSVP, spaces limited. Vitality Members must reserve in advance to gain admittance! Details here.



Sat., February 11- Sun., February 12, 2012, Joan Price returns to Kama Sutra Closet in Ventura, CA for two senior sex workshops on Saturday:  "Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex and Aging" for couples and singles and "How the Heck Do I Date at This Age?" for singles only. Then she repeats these workshops on Sunday in Santa Barbara, CA. Details coming soon. Email Joan if you'd like to be notified when details are set.



Sun., Feb. 26, 2012, 1:30-5 pm, How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? in Marin County, CA. You’re ready to connect for dating, sex, love, companionship – but dating as a senior feels awkward ) and weird. What are the guidelines? How do you navigate online dating, write a cool profile, avoid the pitfalls, and evade the weirdos? When do you bring up safer sex, your personal sexual issues, or sex at all? Whether you’re widowed, divorced, or a longtime single, you’ll find this interactive workshop illuminating and fun, and you’ll get to find out how other single seniors meet and mate (or try to). All genders and orientations welcome.  Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex – and a widow trying to figure out how to date at her age – leads this workshop. Location is a lovely, private home in Novato -- you'll get the address after you preregister by emailing Joan. $35 prepaid by check or PayPal; $45 at the door.  Free gifts: books, Blossom Organics lubricant, and more--including a flattering photo of you for your online profile, if you wish! Bring a notebook, your online profile if you have one, and a sense of humor.

Sun., March 4, 2012, 12:30-4 pm, How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? at Gaia’s Garden, 1899 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa, CA 95401. You’re ready to connect for dating, sex, love, companionship – but dating as a senior feels awkward and weird. What are the guidelines? How do you navigate online dating, write a cool profile, avoid the pitfalls, and evade the weirdos? When do you bring up safer sex, your personal sexual issues, or sex at all? Whether you’re widowed, divorced, or a longtime single, you’ll find this interactive workshop illuminating and fun, and you’ll get to find out how other single seniors meet and mate (or try to). All genders and orientations welcome. Thirty million Americans age 55 and older are single, so welcome to the club with no rules! Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex – and a widow trying to figure out how to date at her age – leads this workshop. Singles only, $30 prepaid, $35 at the door, Gaia’s Garden's homemade soup, salad, and bread included.   Free gifts: books, Blossom Organics lubricant, and more--including a flattering photo of you for your online profile, if you wish! Get details and register by emailing Joan. Bring a notebook, your online profile if you have one, and a sense of humor.


March 30 - April 1, 2012, Joan Price speaks about "Senior Sex Out Loud" at MOMENTUM, Washington, DC. Geared toward anyone interested in intelligent conversations about the influence of new media on sexuality, MOMENTUM provides a safe place to listen, discuss and learn about sexualities and gender without the fear of reprisal or shaming. It is a space for acceptance and appreciation of diversity, including for those in the LGBTQ, sex-work, BDSM and non-monogamous communities.

Sunday, April 1, 2012, 6-8:30 pm, workshop: Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex and Aging, at Secret Pleasures, 1510 U Street NW, Washington, D.C. 20009 . We’re talking about senior sex—the challenges, the pleasures, and all the questions we didn’t think we could ask out loud. What arouses us now, when the old ways aren’t working like they used to? What do we wish we understood and could communicate better about our changing bodies, desires, and responses? How do we spice up our sexual repertoire? In this eye opening, interactive, mixed-gender workshop, you’ll get to voice your questions and get answers. Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, guides the conversation and discovery, and offers tips for putting the zest back into later-life sexuality. For couples and singles, men and women.  $20 in advance, $25 at the door, (202)664-1476.



Saturday, April 28, 2012, 10:45-11:45, Joan Price moderates a panel on Writing About Sex for the American Society of Journalists and Authors annual conference, Roosevelt Hotel, New York City. This premier writing conference is open to established writers and new writers, with two days of public sessions. Tracks include Books, Marketing,Technology, Online, Breaking In. Details to come.

Radio, TV, Internet Radio: Online Now

Morning Blend on TODAY'S TMJ4, Milwaukee, October 3, 2011.  We talk to author Joan Price about her new book, Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex. It addresses the real problems that people over 50, 60, and 70 encounter in trying to maintain the joy of sexuality. View the interview here.

KRON 4 TV's Henry Tenenbaum interviews Joan about how bodies, sex, and libido change, and asks Joan a dating question.

Ageless Sexuality. Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross interview Joan Price about how sex changes as you age, what we can look forward to, and making this a time for breaking rules and discovering your own sexual fluidity. Hear the lively and outrageous podcast here. 

Hot Sox: Sex and Aging. Sex educator Jamye Waxman interviews pro-aging sexpert Joan Price about a myriad of senior sex topics and and, yes, about her personal life -- you'll learn a lot! Read Jamye's summary and get links to the podcast here, or listen directly here.


Love Letters Live: Janet Gallin interviews Joan Price about her love story with artist Robert Rice: how they met, how Joan pursued Robert, and how they finally fell in love. Gallin's radio show, Love Letters Live, promotes the idea of writing love letters (and mailing them!) to support or thank someone, or set things straight. Hear her interview with Joan here.



The Lovely Truth About Aging and Sex. Hear Joan interviewed by Wendy Strgar at Care2.com.  Ever wonder about the twilight years of human sexuality? Listen as Joan Price, senior sexpert and author of Better Than I Ever Expected and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex dispels the myths of aging sexuality and replaces the current medicalized notions of sexual dysfunction with a candid conversation about how sex lives and intimate relationships can change and heal us over time. Inspired by her own late life love affair, Joan offers a candid look at the challenges and surprises of re-discovering and connecting with your erotic self, which is ageless.


Growing Bolder: It's Not About Age; It's About Attitude. Part of Growing Bolder is being able to talk about anything. Even sex! When Joan Price wrote "Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex," she knew she might get some raised eyebrows. Even Joan admits that many of us were raised to not talk about intimacy at any age, and certainly not over the age of 50. But she's determined to battle against what she calls ageism -- and wants to battle stereotypes that people over 50 are asexual or even uninterested in sexual relationships, and make it less taboo to talk about our needs. Do men have an easier time than women? Does body image play a role in misconceptions about relationships after 50? Joan talks about the power of touch, what it takes to change our own minds (and then change the minds of others) why she thinks that sex can be be better at 60 than at 20! Hear Joan's interview here.

Psychotherapist Dr. Diana Wiley interviewed Joan on Love, Lust, and Laughter twice. Hear the first interview here and the second here.


WebTalkRadio: Have you ever worried about how aging will affect your sexuality? Ageless sexuality advocate Joan Price addresses the challenges of older age sex with Laurie Handlers on Sex and Happiness.  Laurie asks Joan about body image, lack of lubrication, using sex toys alone and with a partner, grief, and more. Hear this revealing, hour-long interview here.


BlogTalkRadio. Dr. Veronica Anderson hosts "Sex And The Senior Citizen." Baby boomers are not through revolutionizing our society. Now, as they start to become seniors, they are taking along their expectations of an active, fulfilling sex life. Having grown up with The Pill, today's seniors have a different mindset about sex from their parents: intimacy, romance, even recreation. And that other pill (the little blue one) doesn't hurt either. Even nursing homes are now adopting policies so they don't "interrupt" their patients' private moments. Now 40% of men between 75 and 85 consider themselves sexually active. Guests include Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty. Listen to the podcast here.

Recently completed events:
Sun., December 18, 2011, 1-4 pm, How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? at Gaia’s Garden, 1899 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa, CA 95401. You’re ready to connect for dating, sex, love, companionship – but dating as a senior feels awkward and weird. What are the guidelines? How do you navigate online dating, write a cool profile, avoid the pitfalls, and evade the weirdos? When do you bring up safer sex, your personal sexual issues, or sex at all? Whether you’re widowed, divorced, or a longtime single, you’ll find this interactive workshop illuminating and fun, and you’ll get to find out how other single seniors meet and mate (or try to). All genders and orientations welcome. Thirty million Americans age 55 and older are single, so welcome to the club with no rules! Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex – and a widow trying to figure out how to date at her age – leads this workshop. Singles only, $25 prepaid, $30 at the door, Gaia’s Garden's homemade soup, salad, and bread included. Get details and register by emailing Joan. Bring a notebook and a sense of humor.

Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011, Ventura, CA: Full day of Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex with Joan Price at Kama Sutra Closet, 451 E. Main Street, #6, Ventura, 10-3, hosted by Kama Sutra Closet. During the day Joan will be Shattering the 5 Biggest Myths about Sex and Aging, conducting a workshop: "Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex & Aging," and answering audience questions. Singles mixer at end of event, if you want! Lunch included. $35. Reserve your spot here.

September 30, 2011, 9 am-4 pm: ASSECT workshop: Joan Price, Ellen Barnard, and Myrtle Wilhite present Senior Sex: Challenges and Opportunities. We'll learn about the particular issues faced by seniors (60+) regarding sexual health, pleasure and satisfaction, and share strategies on ways to support and enhance rewarding intimacy for everyone as they age. Included is a physician’s view of medications used for various chronic diseases in older folks, highlighting the ones that are likely to result in the fewest sexual side effects. Open to Wisconsin AASECT chapter members and other professionals, by preregistration only. Lunch included. Contact Ellen Barnard for details.

September 30, 2011, 6:30-7:30, A Room Of One's Own , 307 W Johnson St., Madison,Wisconsin. Senior sex talk, reading, Q and A with Joan Price. A Room of One's Own Feminist Bookstore has been a fixture in downtown Madison, Wisconsin since 1975!

October 1, 2011, Madison, and October 2, 2011, Milwaukee, 11 am-1 pm, A Woman's Touch: How the Heck Do I Date at This Age? You’re ready to connect for dating, sex, love, companionship – but dating as a senior feels awkward and downright weird. What are the guidelines? How do you navigate online dating and avoid the pitfalls that send potential dates running in the other direction? When do you bring up safer sex, your personal sexual issues, or sex at all? Whether you’re widowed, divorced, or a longtime single, you’ll find this interactive workshop illuminating and fun, and you’ll get to find out how other single seniors meet and mate (or try to). All genders and orientations welcome; sense of humor helpful. Thirty million Americans age 55 and older are single, so welcome to the club with no rules! Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex – and a widow trying to figure out how to date at her age – leads this workshop. Singles only, $25.

October 1, 2011, Madison, and October 2, 2011, Milwaukee, 2-4 pm, A Woman's Touch: Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Talking Out Loud About Sex, Aging and Relationships: What do we wish we understood and could communicate better with our partners about our changing bodies, desires, and responses? We’re talking about senior sex—the challenges, the pleasures, and all the questions we didn’t think we could ask out loud. What arouses us now, when the old ways aren’t working like they used to? How do we spice up our sexual repertoire? In this eye opening, interactive, mixed-gender workshop especially for couples, you’ll get to voice your questions and get answers. Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, guides the conversation and discovery, and offers tips for putting the zest back into later-life sexuality. Couples and singles, $25.

Sunday, Sept. 11, 2011, 2:30-5 pm. What I Learned about Book Publicity since 2005. Redwood Writers, Flamingo Hotel, 2777 Fourth Street, Santa Rosa, CA 95405. "I'm convinced that book publicity and self-promotion in this new world has to be targeted at the Internet first,” Joan says. “That’s the fastest, easiest, and most efficient and far-reaching way to get in front of readers, and it doesn’t cost a thing--except, of course, time.” Joan shares her tips for using the Internet wisely and productively for your own book publicity and author promotion. $5/members; $8/non-members.

Tuesday, August 16, 7 pm. The Center for Sex and Culture, 1349 Mission St. between 9th /10th St. (corner of Grace St.). What do boomers and seniors really want to know about later-life sex? What are their challenges, questions, and misconceptions? Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex and Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, shares the most common, most unusual, and most entertaining questions she hears as she writes and speaks about ageless sexuality – and her answers. Join in by emailing your own questions to Joan and she’ll include them in her talk. "Senior Singles Mixer/ Discussion" follows Joan's talk.

Saturday, July 30, 2011, 4-5 pm, Book Passage, 51 Tamal Vista Blvd, Corte Madera, CA 94925. Joan Price discusses Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex ($16.95). Price presents a candid book addressing senior sexuality in all its colors—the challenges, the disappointments, and the surprises, as well as the delights and the love stories. This work gives real-life people over 50 straightforward advice from experts. Bonus: Single seniors, come to the Book Passage cafe after Joan's Naked at Our Age talk for a mixer! (When Joan spoke at Book Passage in 2006, they had to set up chairs in the hallway, so get there early!)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011, 7 pm., Copperfield's Books, Sebastopol, CA. Joan Price is talking out loud about a subject that is often ignored or ridiculed in our society: later-life sexuality. Naked at Our Age is a candid, straight-talking book addressing senior sexuality in all its colors—the challenges, the disappointments, and the surprises, as well as the delights and the love stories. Naked at Our Age gives real-life people over fifty a voice to tell stories of their past and present sex lives, ask questions, and get straightforward advice and information from experts. No topic related to elder sexuality is off-limits.


Friday, July 15, 2011, 12:30-1:30 pm, 211 Sutter St., San Francisco. "Orgasm Is . . . Not Just for Younguns! Tips and Tools for Savvy Seniors." Senior sexpert Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, shares candid information and tips for recharging your sex life after 50, 60, and beyond. Whether you’re single or partnered, male or female, gay or straight, you’ll leave with a new understanding of your changes and ideas for recapturing the sizzle that you can put into practice immediately! Part of the Project “Orgasm Is ________” lunchtime series from OneTaste to celebrate the release of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm by OneTaste’s founder, Nicole Daedone, June 22-July 18. Location is a pop-up bookstore at the site that was formerly Loehmann's, near Union Square.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011, 7 pm., Barnes and Noble, 82nd and Broadway, New York City. Joan Price is talking out loud about a subject that is often ignored or ridiculed in our society: later-life sexuality. Joan shatters the myths about senior sex and reads from Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. More details here.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011, 1:30-3 pm, Hudson Guild, 119 Ninth Ave, New York City. "Let's Talk about Sexuality at Our Age!" Joan Price and Rae Francouer share their enthusiasm and expertise about sex in later life. Joan is the author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. Rae is the author of Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Love Affair. 




Thursday, July 7, 2011, 7-9 pm, Babeland - SoHo, 43 Mercer St., New York, NY 10013. "Let's Talk about Senior Sex!" Joan Price and Rae Francouer share their enthusiasm and expertise about sex in later life. Joan is the author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. Rae is the author of Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Love Affair. (Yes, this is the same topic as our Hudson Guild event, but since we're talking at Babeland, it will be racier, with sex toy recommendations and more!)



Saturday, July 9, 2011, 3-4 pm. Joan speaks at her 50th Ithaca High School reunion, at the pavilion at Stewart Park, Ithaca, New York. Talking Out Loud about Sex -- Yes, at Our Age with Joan (Kassman) Price. Who imagined that our shy and diminutive Joanie Kassman (now Joan Price) would be known at age 67 as a "senior sexpert"! “You didn’t vote for me as class treasurer, so I had to get your attention somehow,” says Joan, who is the author of two books on sex and aging: Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. Enjoy her lively discussion – guaranteed to entertain as well as inform.

Sunday, July 10, 2011, 3-4 pm, Buffalo Street Books, in DeWitt Mall on Buffalo St between Cayuga and Tioga, Ithaca, NY. Joan Price, Ithaca native and author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, shatters the “5 Biggest Myths about Sex after Fifty” and shares the most common questions that Boomers, seniors, and elders asked her while she was researching her new book.

Sunday, June 19, 2011, 3-5 pm, workshop: Ask Me, I'll Tell You: Women and Men Talk Out Loud about Sex and Aging. Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street (at Sacramento Street), San Francisco, CA 94109. We’re talking about senior sex—the challenges, the pleasures, and all the questions we didn’t think we could ask out loud. What arouses us now, when the old ways aren’t working like they used to? What do we wish we understood and could communicate better about our changing bodies, desires, and responses? How do we spice up our sexual repertoire? In this eye opening, interactive, mixed-gender workshop, you’ll get to voice your questions and get answers. Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty and Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex, guides the conversation and discovery, and offers tips for putting the zest back into later-life sexuality. For couples and singles, men and women.  $25 in advance, $30 at the door. (415) 345-0400 or http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/154492.

Saturday, June 4, 4:30-5:30. Senior Sex at Gaia’s Garden, 1899 Mendocino Avenue, Santa Rosa, CA 95401. No, we won’t be doing it – we’ll be talking about it with Joan Price, local author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. Joan will shatter the “5 Biggest Myths about Sex and Aging” and share the most common questions that Boomers, seniors, and elders ask her. Yes, she’ll answer those questions, too -- in the candid, upbeat manner that led the media to dub her “senior sexpert.” (The Bohemian also called her a “wrinkly sex kitten,” but you be the judge of that!) Then you’ll have time to buy a personally autographed copy of Naked at Our Age. And we’re giving things away! Samples of Blossom Organics lubricant free to all post-menopausal women! The first 20 people who purchase Naked at Our Age or Better Than I Ever Expected from Joan get a free book of erotica from Cleis Press – many titles available! Enjoy a wholesome and delicious meal at Gaia’s Garden, voted the Best Vegetarian Restaurant by readers of The Bohemian. Stay for live music by the String Rays at 7:00.

(schedule updated 1/25/12)

Reader: "I have difficulty ejaculating." Michael Castleman responds.

Buddy, age 65, has difficulty ejaculating because he doesn't feel enough stimulation during intercourse. He sent me this email requesting advice:

Dear Joan,

I just finished your book, Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex. It was a breath of fresh air to find that I am not that different about my sexual desires, fantasies and needs as other 65 year old people.

I didn’t see you address my specific issue in the book. Namely, I have difficulty ejaculating. It is not that it doesn’t ever happen, it does both with oral stimulation and with penetration sex; just not very often. 

My companion really wants to have me reach orgasm inside her, as do I, but too often, I lose my erection before the big moment. Many times it seems there is a lack of continued stimulation after penetration. I don’t “feel” anything. Lubrication isn’t an issue, she has plenty and we aren’t bashful about adding synthetic lube to the equation. 

For reasons of knee pain and a few pounds overweight the only position we have found to date and enjoy is her lying on her back and me on my right side with my torso at a right angle to hers. Missionary hurts my knees and I’m too tall, compared to her, for doggie to work comfortably. 

Do you have any suggestions to continue the stimulation on the glans of my penis to build up an ejaculation after penetration? Your input will be very much appreciated by us both.

Thank you for your time and providing a non-sleazy forum for us “old-timers” to learn and re-learn new tricks.

Buddy's right -- as comprehensive as Naked at Our Age is, it doesn't answer Buddy's question. So I asked Michael Castleman, M.A., a top health writer, sex educator, and sex counselor, to address Buddy's concerns. Michael Castleman responds:

Your situation is not at all unusual. Older men often develop problems with ejaculation/orgasm for several reasons:  

(1) The nervous system becomes less "excitable" with age. This means it takes more stimulation for ejaculation and orgasm to happen. It's also part of the reason you don't "feel" anything during intercourse. Sex therapists often tell older men, "You don't have to ejaculate every time." That's true, but if she really wants you to come inside her, not ejaculating is not going to help. 

(2) It's more difficult to maintain erotic focus. Aches and pains can distract from erotic focus, You have some, so they may be contributing to your situation. Have you considered some pain medication before sex? Advil? 

(3) Drugs and drug side effects. You didn't mention drugs, but many older people take one or more. Many drugs cause ejaculation problems, and quite a few have side effects that include ejaculatory difficulty, notably, antidepressants. If you're taking medication that may cause ejaculatory problems, ask your doctor if another drug can be substituted.  

What to do? Here are a few quick suggestions:  

(1) During intercourse, in addition to the old in-out, also stroke your penis by hand (yours or hers). This may provide the extra stimulation you need to get over the hump. (It may take some practice to figure out how to do this.) Or try pressing a vibrator against your penis or scrotum. The extra stimulation may help. 

(2) Make love earlier in the day. Many older lover find that at night, they're too pooped to pop. Make love before noon and you're likely to have more erotic energy, including energy for ejaculation and orgasm. 

(3) Try some anal massage in addition to intercourse. Now, you may have objections to anal play, and if you do, you're under no obligation to do this. But some men find that adding anal sphincter massage and/or fingering to intercourse helps the man come. 

For a more detailed discussion of this issue, visit my site, GreatSexAfter40.com, and click on the Info Library. Under About Men, you'll see an article on Ejaculation and Orgasm problems. Here's the direct URL.

Many thanks to Buddy for his candor and to Michael Castleman for his terrific advice. I invite your comments, readers.

Michael Castleman, M.A., is the author of twelve books, including Great Sex: TheMan's Guide to the Secrets of Whole-Body Sensuality and Sexual Solutions:For Men and the Women Who Love Them. From 1991-95, he answered the sex questions submitted to the Playboy Advisor. Visit his website about sex after midlife, www.GreatSexAfter40.com.

"What I learned about my sexuality in 2011": readers respond

Are you over 50? What did you learn about your sexuality in 2011?

Please read the comments below to learn how many of you responded to this question. Some responses are joyful; some are unhappy, some are helpful. Together, they give us a glimpse into the reality of senior sexuality -- the delights, the disappointments, the surprises when our dreams come true, the ways we make do when they don't.

If you'd like to add your voice, and you're 50+, please continue to comment below. If you prefer, email me a sentence or a  paragraph, with permission to add it to the comments here, and I'll post it for you under the name you tell me (it doesn't have to be your own).

Since Naked at Our Age was envisioned to answer the questions and address the problems we encounter trying to have a rich sex life at our age, I urge you to read it. It really does discuss all of the problems you wrote about in your comments, and much more. Forty-five experts give advice after reading your stories and your questions.

It's the book that I wished we had available when I started talking to people about their sexual concerns -- and now we do.

As we wrap up 2011, please put at least one special sex-themed resolution on your 2012 list. You deserve joy.

Thank you for continuing to read my books and this blog, and thank you especially for your willingness to add your candid comments. That's what makes this a community.

"Getting Older, Getting Better," guest post by Charlie Glickman, PhD

When I read this post on Charlie Glickman's Adult Sexuality Education blog, I asked him for permission to republish it here. He covers many issues and questions about how our culture views aging and sexuality, including beliefs that we regretfully internalize.  I hope you'll encourage young folks as well as others of our age to read what Charlie Glickman has to say here. -- Joan

Getting Older, Getting Better 

by Charlie Glickman, PhD

One of my favorite sex nerds, Dr. Debby Herbenick, recently retweeted something that I've been thinking about for a while:

True. @hotaction: "Everyone should spend some time looking at photos of naked old people because that's what the future looks like.” — Dr. Debby Herbenick (@mysexprofessor) 

Today is the 20th anniversary of the date that I met my partner. In the last two decades, we've both changed a lot. We're both much more secure and solid in who we are. We've grown and challenged each other to overcome many of the habits that caused friction in our lives and in our connections with other people. We've learned many, many ways to support our relationship. And yes, our bodies have changed, too. While I'd love to have the physical resilience that I used to have, I wouldn't trade my current life for the one I had back then. I needed that ability to bounce back- without it, I never would have survived the drama I caused myself and others.

 After two decades with Elizabeth, I think she's more beautiful than ever before and I'm more drawn to her than I could have imagined when we first met. And I think about the many people who stop being attracted to their partners and trade them in for someone younger. This seems to be more common for men, but I've also seen women do the same thing in increasing numbers. While I'm fully supportive of people creating the relationships they want and ending them when they no longer serve them, I can't help but wonder about our tenacious grip on the idea that younger is better and how that affects things.

 In a world that only presents the latest 18-25 year olds as sexy, it's a challenge to not compare oneself or one's partner with that fantasy. Personally, I've found that became easier when I stopped watching TV and reading the drivel that passes for news (and don't even get me started on popular magazines). But it takes more than that. Every time you compliment someone's appearance by telling them that they look young, you're reinforcing the idea that we lose value as we age. I feel sadness around that because it encourages us to deny our histories, to pretend we're something we aren't, and to create an image of who we wish we were rather than celebrating who we've become. And let's not forget that many of the cosmetic treatments to make us look younger don't work all that well and are promoted with ads that are photoshopped like crazy. My willing suspension of disbelief snapped a long time ago.

 Maybe I'll have something different to say in another 20 years. But right now, I think that the physical expression of experience and growth is incredibly sexy. It's an outward manifestation of the individual's evolution. Personally, I find that much more attractive than someone who strives to look like they're still 23. This is something that many of us have to practice. When the only images that we see define attractiveness as equivalent to youth, it can be difficult to not make comparisons.

 I've spoken with quite a few people who are convinced that nobody will want to have sex with them because they have grey hair, or wrinkles, or scars, or stretch marks, or health concerns, or any of the other effects of age. I feel sadness that they're so sure that they're unattractive to others because they're unattractive to themselves. I wonder how much of that comes from never having thought of people over a certain age as desirable. I wonder how much of that comes from the fact that so much of the breathless commentary about attractiveness (especially female attractiveness) is tied up in how young someone looks. What a waste of the incredible beauty and wisdom that surrounds us, if only we could see it.

If Elizabeth and I are fortunate, we will have lots more time together. And someday, we may get to be like the people in this photograph. I look at it and see something to be celebrated. I also know that many people will look at it and feel disgust, shame, or squicked. So what are you going to do when you get to be that age? How are you going to feel about yourself or your partner(s)? Will you be able to be naked with your partner without feeling self-disgust or shame?

 The time to start thinking about older people being sexy is right now. This is the time to stop shaming elders who express desire or who want to have sex. This is the time to stop mocking their bodies or describing them negatively. When you get older, you'll be struggling with a lot of cultural momentum and the longer you go along with it, the harder it'll be when you finally get around to resisting (if you do). That's especially true for women and their partners, given the extra pressure and judgement attached to youth and attractiveness for women. But really, we're all affected by the idea that younger is better.

 Instead of thinking of someone as "looking good for their age," how about simply letting them "look good"? Instead of telling someone that they look so young, compliment them on something specific like their hairstyle or their outfit. And instead of saying insulting things about older people's sexuality, acknowledge the feeling as your own judgment. There's a huge difference between "that's gross" and "I feel discomfort." The more we can change how we think and feel about elders and sexuality, the better off we'll be if and when we get there.

 I also highly recommend Joan Price's book Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex. Even if you're not there yet, there's a good chance that you will be and many of the sexual concerns that can arise are much easier to deal with when you aren't surprised by them. Joan interviewed and quoted lots of medical professionals, sex educators, and therapists, so it's like you're getting the benefit of a whole panel of experts in one book. It's amazing.

- Dr. Charlie Glickman is the Education Program Manager at Good Vibrations, an occasional university professor, and a sexuality educator. He teaches and writes about sex-positivity, sex & shame, sexual practices and communities, relationships, and other related topics. Check him out at his website, twitter, or on Facebook.

Holiday Gift Guide 2011

Looking for the perfect gift for the sexy seniors in your life? Here are some gifts that are sure to please (repeatedly, in some cases!). Most are delights I found in 2011, though a couple are treasured earlier discoveries that I want to be sure you know about.

SEX TOYS

Here are my favorite toys that I tried for the first time in 2011. Click the links to read my full reviews.


Minna Ola: Strong, rumbly vibrations surround your clitoris nestled into a cushy pad. Truly innovative!


Zini Ran: My new favorite for vaginal stimulation, tapered, slim, and strong. It can also be used for clitoral stimulation, if you prefer.


MiMi: A tiny, quiet clitoral vibrator, just right for travel or for slipping between sex-joined bodies for extra clitoral stimulation.


Jimmyjane Form 4: A throbbing, rumbling, luxury vibrator that you can enjoy in the shower or bath as well as in bed.

Yooo: The cutest sex toy ever, like a bubblegum-colored Mickey Mouse head that vibrates... really nicely!


(Please see my other vibrator reviews by clicking here. Keep scrolling down -- there are many!)

BOOKS

House of Holes by Nicholson Baker: An erotic fantasy novel that is crude, rude, sexy, and utterly hilarious! Only the author and one character are our age, but it's still the best of the year.


Free Fall: A Late in Life Love Affair by Rae Padilla Francoeur: An erotic memoir that takes place when the author is 58 and her lover is 67. Hot and provocative,and a beautiful homage to sex and love at our age.

Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. Convinced that monogamy is unnatural and unreasonable for our human species? This book is packed with research that supports this, and is written in such an entertaining way that you'll enjoy it throughout. I'll give this deserving book its own review soon.

Sugar in My Bowl: Real Women Write About Real Sex ed. Erica Jong. A remarkable anthology of personal essays and a few short stories, all revealing what women think about sex and their pivotal sexual experiences.

Dear John, I Love Jane ed. Candace Walsh and Laura André. An anthology written by women who left their straight life/ relationships/ husbands because they fell in love with women.

Sex Counsel by Suzi Godson. Godson writes sex and relationships advice for The Times in the UK and edits More Sex Daily. She is smart, funny, and compassionate, and backs up her advice with research. Her questions come from people of all ages, many of them our age. I'll give this worthy book its own review soon. UK readers: book is available here.

JOAN'S BOOKS

Forgive me for patting myself on the back, but my own books make perfect gifts for the special someone in your life. Order directly from me and I'll autograph your books to your giftee. Write "lube, please" in the comment box, and I'll include a free sample of Blossom Organics.


Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex: Real-life women and men over fifty tell stories of their past and present sex lives, ask questions, and get straightforward advice and information from 45 experts: therapists, medical professionals, sex educators. If you have a problem, question, or concern about senior sex, it's answered here!


Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty: An upbeat, frank, woman-to-woman friendly book that acknowledges the challenges and celebrates the delights of older-life sexuality. This book combines memoir with candid comments and tales from lively, earthy women who aren't afraid to talk about their sex lives.

LINGERIE

Photo by Ruth Lefkowitz

Take your sweetie to your favorite lingerie destination and have her try on a few outfits, buying the one that makes you go va-va-voom! (Read my latest lingerie post and maybe print it out for her if she isn't in love with her body -- lingerie is very flattering!)  This is for guys, too:  the smoothness of silk over the male anatomy will be a delight for both of you. (If he's shy about trying on undies in a department store dressing room, you might just make the purchase and surprise him.)

LUBRICANTS

Blossom Organics Lubricants for Women: This year I discovered Blossom Organics. Only naturally pure, female-friendly ingredients keep your tender parts moist and slippery for the joy of friction. I especially like the arousal gel for an extra zing!

See my 2010 Holiday Recommendations for even more gift ideas!