Friday, February 09, 2018

Pleasure Yourself

It's  almost Valentine's Day 2018. Couples are planning their romantic dinners and getaways. But we're not all coupled: there are 19.5 million singles over 65 in the U.S.*

If you don't have a partner today, you're not alone. But that doesn't mean you can't have sex with the person who knows you the best: yourself.

Self-pleasuring is delicious sex, and it doesn’t matter how old we are, whether or not we have a partner, if arousal and orgasms are easy or challenging for us, or we grew up thinking that masturbation was shameful. Staying sexual is within our own power.

I hope you'll read my 2016 blog post, "Solo Sex is Real Sex," featuring Jeffrey Dean Morgan (sort of) and my "Senior's Guide to Solo Sex" for Senior Planet.

Here are some of my favorite quotes about solo sex:
  • “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” — Lily Tomlin
  • “Among all types of sexual activity, masturbation is, however, the one in which the female most frequently reaches orgasm.” — Alfred Charles Kinsey, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, 1953
  • “We know that more than 70 to 80 percent of women masturbate, and 90 percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.” — Joycelyn Elders, former U.S. Surgeon General.
  • “How to have sex with friends, lovers, wives, husbands all begins and ends with Masturbation.” — Betty Dodson (dubbed “the Mother of Masturbation”), age 88. 
  • “If God didn't want us to masturbate, we wouldn't have been given these long arms.” — Dan Savage in a recent Savage Lovecast episode.
  • “Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. I really hope no one misinterprets this quote as being about masturbation.” —Audrey Hepburn

If you're dating or ready to date, I invite you to enjoy my lively new, free webinar, "Safer Sex for Seniors"! Learn how to eroticize safer sex, how to choose the right condom size, even how to put a condom on a soft penis! Let me know what you learn and what you think.

If you haven't already, please subscribe to my new newsletter here -- a new issue is coming soon. Instead of having to chase me all over the Internet, I'll come to your inbox occasionally (roughly monthly) with interesting senior sex news, views, practical tips, and special offers just for my mailing list.

Thanks for being a part of my community!

* I don't have current stats for the over-50 population, but I'm looking.

(In case parts of this post sounds familiar, some sections originally appeared on my blog on Feb. 14, 2016.)

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Opening Up by Tristan Taormino

Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
Reviewed by Shamus MacDuff

I’m a heterosexual man in my early 70s who’s spent my entire adult life in two monogamous marriages. My wife died recently, and suddenly I found myself a widower embarked on a voyage of self-discovery while adrift in a tumultuous sea of relationships. I don’t wish to remarry, but I definitely do want sexual intimacy and joyful connections with women. How to find these?

I’ve discovered Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. Her book provides a wealth of helpful background on the full range of non-monogamous relationships, and is at once both informative and inspiring.

Taormino covers all genders in all combinations with many examples. She discusses the myths surrounding monogamy (myths I understand only too well), the pros and cons of open relationships, and the range of such connections from partnered non-monogamy to swinging, to polyamory, and polyfidelity. All of these styles of non-monogamy share the basic premise that “one partner cannot meet all their needs and they may want to have sex or a relationship with someone other than their current partner.” Instead of hiding it, they “bring this fact out into the open.”

Tristan Taormino
Taormino emphasizes that open relationships only work when these significant elements are present: self-awareness and self-discovery, mutual consent, good communication skills, clear boundaries, honesty, trust, fidelity, and commitment. She addresses issues of possessiveness, control, and jealousy—widely associated with monogamy—emphasizing the importance of relinquishing and overcoming these for non-monogamous relationships to succeed.

She devotes an entire chapter to the idea of compersion as the flip side of jealousy: “compersion is taking joy in your partner’s pleasure or happiness with another partner.” Taormino notes, “Jealousy is a learned behavior. The first step to achieving compersion is to work on unlearning jealousy—letting go of feelings of insecurity, possessiveness, and fear.” While compersion may not be crucial to a functional open relationship, she argues that it is “bound to enhance your relationship.”

I have sufficient self-insight in my 70s to recognize that non-monogamy offers me a path forward toward sexual closeness, non-possessive happiness, and mutual commitment without the encumbrances of marriage and exclusivity. My challenge is to find others who share this perspective and who possess the requisite maturity, self-awareness, communication skills, and commitment to honesty to make a consensual non-monogamous relationship work. Like me, I think that others of you will find Taormino’s Opening Up of great help in charting a course as we venture forth on this journey.

Note from Joan: Shamus MacDuff is the pseudonym of a retired university professor and author. Other than his name, he promises that everything he says about himself is true. His earlier guest post, “Great Sex Without Penetration: A Man’s View,” attracted so many readers and such positive response that when he offered to review some books relevant to sex-positive seniors, I quickly agreed.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Sexy New Year's Resolutions

Have you made your New Year's Resolutions for 2018? I'm not talking about those tired (and usually abandoned) promises like go to the gym, stick to a budget, and stop junk food snacking. I'm talking about Sexy New Year's Resolutions -- changes and commitments that will give you a richer, more joyful sex life, especially at our age. And they're fun to put into action!

You may know that I write a monthly "Sex at Our Age" column for Senior Planet. Usually I answer a reader's question in this column, but occasionally I take a different path. This month, my Sexy New Year's Resolutions offer you 14 tips and lifestyle changes that will make a huge difference if you follow them fully. Here are some examples. (Read the others here.)

Redefine Sex. Change your definition of sex to whatever activities arouse you and bring you sexual pleasure, partnered or solo. Embracing a new definition of sex expands your possibilities for pleasure. Read this account of one reader’s experience.

Track the Tingle. For quicker, easier, and more satisfying arousal, figure out what time of day you feel most sexually responsive. When you feel the “tingle” – that quiver of erotic possibility – set aside time to indulge yourself sexually or schedule that time on your next free day.

Self-Pleasure Frequently. Solo sex is real sex, and it’s good for your general health, your sexual health and your sense of well-being. Give yourself sexual pleasure, whether you’re in a relationship or not. You’re celebrating your body’s ability to give you exquisite pleasure.

Just Do It. This is for you if you enjoy sex when you do it, but you rarely feel desire in advance. You’re experiencing “responsive desire”: your desire follows physiological arousal instead of preceding it. So just do it, and your desire will kick in.

Exercise Before Sex. Increasing your blood flow with physical activity isn't only good for the heart and muscles — it's also good for sexual function and pleasure. One of the best things we can do to speed up arousal and orgasm is regular exercise, especially before sex.

Sex Before Food. Eating before sex sends the blood flow to your digestive system instead of your genitals. Have sex first, then eat. Sexual arousal will be easier, orgasms will be more reliable, and you will relish that meal afterward.

Use Your Words. Learning to talk about sex is the key to getting what you want. A long-term partner is likely to continue doing what used to work, even if it doesn't work for you now, unless you redirect the action. A new partner wants to know how to please you. Speak up.

Have Sex More Often. Difficulty with arousal and orgasm is a good reason to have more sex, not less. The penis and the clitoris require blood flow for engorgement. The more you engage in stimulation – partnered or solo — the more easily the blood flows to the genitals.

Committing to a year of resolutions is daunting, I know. But did you know that it takes just three weeks to make or break a habit? So how about selecting two or three of these resolutions and committing three weeks to seeing how they work for you? Chances are you'll want to keep doing them. Let me know!

Have you checked out my senior sex webinars? Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter, where you'll get special discounts on my webinars and more.

Monday, January 01, 2018

Webinars: Joan Price's Senior Sex Online Classes


What’s a webinar, how does it work, 
and why should you care?

A webinar is an online class. Using a web camera and microphone, I give an information-packed, lively presentation similar to the way I teach when I travel, but you watch online instead of waiting for me to come to your city. You can watch live if it fits your schedule, or watch a video recording of it later, or both. These classes are on topics that you -- my subscribers and readers -- have requested.

Recent webinars, available for viewing online:

If you're interested in a webinar that has already happened, you can purchase viewing rights for $55 for one; $50 each for two; or $45 each for three or more. (All prices US dollars.) Each 90-minute webinar was recorded in its entirety and you can watch at your convenience -- multiple times if you wish. Once I receive your payment via PayPal or check, I'll send you the link and password.  Email me for details, telling me which webinars you wish to view. 

7 Steps to Reclaiming Your Sexual Pleasure 

How’s your sex life as a senior? If you answer either “Not very satisfying” or “What sex life?” this practical webinar is for you. You’ll learn the facts about sex and aging and helpful strategies for overcoming the challenges. With Joan’s help, you’ll start to design your personal action plan for bringing the zing back into your sex life, partnered or solo. Included:
• 5 simple, practical tips for easier sexual arousal that you can put into action immediately;
• Framework for a 7-step plan to improve your sexual pleasure long-term;
• Handout to help you design your plan.
Recorded May 25, 2017.

Sex Toys for Seniors 

Joan has been reviewing sex toys from a senior perspective for more than a decade. At our age, a well-chosen, well-placed vibrator can mean the difference between orgasm or no orgasm. What do vibrators do that a hand or partner can't? How do I choose the best one(s)? What if my partner doesn't want me to use a sex toy? Will using a vibrator decrease my sensitivity? Will I become dependent on a vibrator? Are there good sex toys for men? Included:

 • Joan's criteria for evaluating sex toys
 • 8 questions to help you choose your personal vibrator.
 • 5 myths and facts about vibrators.
 • Show-and-tell: Joan's highly recommended sex toys for seniors.
 • Links for recommended sex toys.
(Recorded May 27, 2017.) 

Great Sex without Penetration

Let’s get one misconception out of the way. Sex without penetration is still sex. Real sex. Hot sex. The idea that only penetrative sex constitutes “real sex” limits our creativity and our satisfaction. There are many reasons that penetrative sex might be off the table, but that leaves us with a smorgasbord of delectable options. Get new ideas for what we can do instead to express ourselves sexually, arouse ourselves and each other, share intimacy, and enjoy orgasms. Learn how to talk to a partner about sexual limitations and possibilities and how to negotiate more satisfying sexual expression. Handout included. (Recorded June 1, 2017.)

12 Steps to Sexy Aging – Starting Now! 

What can you do now to make sure you keep sex alive as you age? What are the secrets to staying sexually vibrant through the decades ahead? In this presentation, you’ll learn what you can do starting now, whether you’re 25 or 55 or any age at all, to invest in your future sexuality. You’ll learn practical tips, communication skills, and attitude adjustments to enrich your sex life lifelong – partnered or solo – despite what the aging process throws your way. (Recorded July 22, 2017.)

How the Heck Do I Date at This Age?

Dating after 50, 60, 70 and beyond can feel awkward and weird. How do you meet people? Do you need to use online dating? What are the mistakes most people make with their online profile and photos? Whether you’re widowed, divorced, polyamorous, or a long-time single, this entertaining webinar will be illuminating and practical -- plus you’ll find out how others our age meet and mate. Useful tips and plenty of laughter guaranteed. Worksheet included for getting what you want! (Recorded June 17, 2017.)


Safer Sex for Seniors

Safer sex barriers -- condoms, dental dams, gloves -- are FUN and we seniors need to use them. Learn how and why to use safer sex, how to eroticize it, and what to say during the safer sex conversation. You'll learn how to choose which size condom your penis of choice needs, what a receptive condom is and how it works, and even how to put a condom on a soft penis using your mouth. This lively, fun-filled webinar is presented by senior sex educator and award-winning author Joan Price  and sponsored by Lucky Bloke. View it here.

Your Burning Questions? 

I'm planning some shorter webinars at a low ticket price. What burning question(s) would you like to hear me  answer? I'll choose those that are (a) narrowly focused so that I can do them justice in 20 minutes; (b) of interest to many of you; and (c) not covered sufficiently in my other webinars. (If you're not sure if your question qualifies, send it in anyway!) Everyone who submits a question that I use for a new webinar gets a discount to view it! Email me here to submit your questions.

What do Joan's webinar attendees and viewers say?
  • "My wife and I enjoyed your sex without penetration webinar very much. The real value of the presentation was the manner-of-fact way that you talk about sex without penetration. In particular, directly talking frankly about pursuing ones sexual pleasure. Your webinars have been the catalyst for several lengthy talks in recent weeks. Our conversations (especially the pillow-talk) and our play time together have simply been better. We are happy to be part of your community. Thanks for doing what you do!"
  • "This webinar is a fine presentation and an extremely helpful piece of work and I benefited in a host of ways. Even though I've read all three of your books on aging and sexuality, have followed your blog and other online items, I learned some things this afternoon."
  •  "How is it possible for a 69-year-old woman and a 72-year-old man to enjoy 3 continuous hours of non-stop sex and joyful lovemaking, and then fall contentedly to sleep? And pick right up in the morning, seemingly where we left off? Use Joan's "sex without penetration" method, and leave out any and all expectations! Really. I owe you a big time testimonial!"
  • "We learned a lot from your webinar. My husband and I have been married 40 years. We are going to take some of the steps you recommended."
  • "I think you did a real good job of explaining things. I could see that what we were facing is not uncommon."
  • "Loved the sex toy webinar! I didn’t realize the different ergonomic options for vibrators and dildos so this will help my greatly in work with seniors helping to refer them to appropriate toys. I will use this information when purchasing my own toys and also with older age clients wanting to discuss sex and sex toy options."
  • "Your sex toy webinar was an  excellent presentation and show& tell. Very informative and, as a toy 'virgin,' I liked your very matter-of-fact, 'this is ok and normal' approach. At one point I LOL'd, because I mentally superimposed you showing varieties of cake mixers or vacuum cleaners. Your approach has caused me to want to get one of these 'appliances' yesterday."
  • "Your dating webinar was interesting and worthwhile and very helpful in clarifying what I'm looking for and what are deal breakers. You were an engaging and authentic speaker!"
  • "I wrote what I thought to be a compelling profile on OKCupid, but it attracted relatively little interest.  Joan Price's webinar ("How the Heck Do I Date at This Age") provided important tips and suggestions for revision, and after I incorporated these insights the activity level on my profile increased markedly and has resulted in numerous inquiries and several fun dates with good matches."
  • "Five stars! I think what you're doing is quite challenging and you did a great job. You kept it light and funny while discussing some things most find quite difficult. You told some nice stories and especially you showed us some of your own vulnerability. Powerful stuff."
  • "I loved how matter of fact you are about using sex toys. I will keep playing around with my vibrators as a way to get to know my own sexual response, and bring that knowledge into partner sex. Thank you for the wonderful work you do and the beautiful acceptance of all that sex for seniors may entail."
  • "I found your entire sex toys presentation absorbing and highly informative about the variety and range of sex toys and what they can and cannot do. I delighted in your imitations of the different sounds and speeds of various sex toys. What a kick!"
  • "Your Safer Sex video is a very good awakening to misinformed seniors (and individuals of all ages) on the Who, What Where When and Why of safe sex. I watched it twice and was amazed how you packed into that presentation. That video is gold!" 

Joan shows her favorites
in Sex Toys for Seniors

Interested in meeting me in person? View my speaking schedule here. I am also available for personal consultations via phone or video call. Email me for more information. Be sure you subscribe here to receive my occasional newsletter for senior sex tips, events, and special offers for subscribers only. Thank you for being part of my community.

Monday, December 04, 2017

Stronic G Pulsator II

If your vagina likes penetration and your G-spot likes pulsing stimulation, the Stronic G Pulsator II from Fun Factory delivers. It doesn't just vibrate -- it "pulses," which feels like quick, tiny thrusts that easily zero in on the G-spot. It was sort of like a pleasure-giving, superhuman, abnormally fat finger on my G-spot going faster than a finger can go.

If that's a muddled description, because, seriously,  it could never be mistaken for a finger of any size. This video may help. Let's just say that the sensations were pure pleasure.

The Stronic G has seven speeds and three different rhythms. Though normally I go straight to steady rhythm and highest speed, I found myself enjoying the pattern and speed variations as much as strong-and-steady.

The G-spotter "head" is firm yet has enough cushioning for comfort. I worried that the pressure of tightening the vaginal muscles around it would reduce the pulsing. The sensations changed a tad, but didn't weaken, hurray. The Stronic G is made of body-safe silicone, like all Fun Factory vibrators, and is waterproof for shower, tub, and pool use. It charges via a USB magnetic charger, easy peasy.

Prop a small pillow between your legs, snuggle the handle into the pillow after you insert the Pulsator, and it works hands-free! Most insertable vibrators  don't stay in place -- they rotate gradually -- but this one stays put, tilted against your G-spot, as long as you don't use too much lubricant. Use just enough water-based lube for comfort, but not enough to make it slippery. I can't guarantee that it will stay put for you (we're all different), but when it works, it's a terrific bonus.

Karim Rashid Toybag
Just a few cons:
  • Expensive: $200 (US)  
  • No pouch. Come on, Fun Factory, for that price you could include one of your sweet Tyvek zipped toybags! I love the Karim Rashid Toybag, but if that would pop up the cost too much, the undecorated Toybag M would do.
  • Pacemaker alert: The Stronic G uses a magnetic charger which is incompatible with pacemakers. Although this warning appears on the box and the insert, it is not on the website, where it should be. After all, you don't want to buy something and learn afterwards that you can't use it.
A few words about size: Fun Factory makes a huge variety of fine sex toys: vibrators, dildos, anal toys, and more. I don't  review them often because most Fun Factory penetrative toys have more girth than many of my senior readers and I prefer. Many older vagina owners find that penetration with a thick dildo, vibrator, or penis isn't comfortable or pleasurable anymore, or takes more warm-up than we like when we want a quick orgasm with a sex toy.

But the gently tapered shape of the Stronic G "head" makes penetration smooth and comfortable. The widest part measures 1.65 inches in diameter, but it doesn't feel that large because the shape makes insertion smooth and gentle, especially when you tilt it. Pulling it out may be less comfortable if you prefer slim products, because the "hook" shape can tug unless you tilt it. Relax,  go slowly and, of course, use lube.

Thank you, Fun Factory, for sending me the Stronic G Pulsator II in return for an honest review.

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

Free Fall: A Late in Life Love Affair, an erotic memoir

11/1/17:  I'm moving this October 2010 book review to the top of the blog today because I think Rae's book is brilliant, engrossing, and passionate. I want to be sure you know about this sexy memoir. -- Joan

"Where are the books by and for women over 50 that deal honestly with sexuality?" I've asked myself for years. Dozens of self-help books for our age group have appeared in the past four years, thank goodness, but where are the sexually honest novels and memoirs that talk about our lives, our passions, our desires, our sexuality, our inner lives? Finally -- Free Fall: A Late in Life Love Affair by Rae Padilla Francoeur arrives with honesty and sizzle.

Free Fall is an erotic memoir and much more. Rae Padilla Francoeur, age 58, begins a love affair with Jim, age 67. It's hot, very hot, explosively hot. Rae describes the passionate details -- how he touches and controls her body, how her passions smolder, build, and erupt. As graphic as her details are, I'm pleased that she uses language our generation is comfortable with -- penis, vagina --  instead of the edgier language that characterizes most contemporary erotica.

And, oh my, this book is beautifully written:

I am shameless. I will slide over every inch of him, kissing him back, wrestling in all that sweat to stay on top. I am sure I will never get enough of him. He will find this out and, being the man he is, he will revel in trying to find the outer limits of my stamina and prowess. He never will.
I've become so still and quiet and deep in the zone where my brain is one massive sensor hooked into the places he touches and the places I touch. There is nothing else. I'm all body.
We're kissing each other like the end of time is on the other side of the door. We kiss like this for ten or fifteen minutes until suddenly Jim stops it all. He steps back. He pulls my skirt over my hips. He takes my hand and places it on his penis.

Rae Padilla Francoeur 
The title refers to more than Rae's "free fall" into later-life passion. Like all of us, her love affair doesn't happen in a vacuum. Much of the book deals with her other "free fall" -- her relationship with Eli, her partner of many years, who is losing his battle with bipolar disorder. Rae loves him deeply, though her love is more brotherly than loverly by now, but she must choose herself over Eli if she is to survive. Eli's story grips us as much as Rae's love affair with Jim.

Free Fall: A Late in Life Love Affair is one of the best books I've read in years. I hope you'll read it for yourself, and let us know what you think.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Do you have an Advance Directive for Sexual Rights?

When do we lose the right to sexual expression? If we’re lucky enough to be active and independent now, we’re smart enough to realize that a time may come that we no longer can live on our own. What will you want for yourself? For your loved ones? How can you make sure that your wishes are respected?

Take some time to think about these ideas and questions:
  • When do we lose the right to sexual expression?
  • Does our right to sexual expression end if/when we can no longer live independently? If so, why?
  • Who determines whether we can still express ourselves sexually, and by what guidelines do they make that decision?
  • Do elders with dementia have the right to sexual expression? Who decides that, and on what basis?
  •  If staff members have a different personal belief about what’s appropriate sexual behavior (or non-behavior), do their values override our own?
  • If family members are uncomfortable with us having a sexual relationship, should their wishes supersede ours?
As uncomfortable as this might seem, I suggest you write down your personal policy about your right to sexual expression in your later years: an Advance Directive for Sexual Rights, let's call it. Then  share it with your loved ones. Just because you might be unable to voice your wishes when the time comes doesn’t mean you no longer have those wishes.

Personally, I want the right to decide when and how I want to be touched sexually -- whether by my own hand, a partner I've chosen, or a sex toy that they'd better not pry out of my arthritic hands -- for the rest of my life. Don't you?

If I end up living in a care facility, I imagine I won't submit to rules easily, unless they are as progressive as the Hebrew Home at Riverdale (NY), which has had a sexual rights policy since 1995, and updates it periodically. Until other homes catch up, it's up to us to make our wishes clear.

Have you written your Advance Directive for Sexual Rights? Here's a working draft of mine:

  • Make sure I have an outlet and batteries to keep my sex toys in working order.
  • Do not interfere with any warm connection I may be enjoying with any companion I choose, in any way I choose to express that connection.
  • If I’m involved with a sexual partner, make sure I have easy access to safer sex protection.
  • When I close the door—whether I’m alone or with another person—give me privacy.
  • If I’m still capable of sharing information about senior sexuality with residents and or staff, provide me with opportunities to do that.

What are yours?

[Excerpted from The Ultimate Guide to Sex after FiftyHow to Maintain - or Regain - a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life by Joan Price]

Sunday, October 22, 2017

You and Your Boomer/ Senior Parent: Talking about Safer Sex

Do you have a parent who is out in the dating world? If so, this post is for you. This blog is normally aimed at folks age 50, 60, 70 and beyond. But right now I'd like to talk to the adult children of Boomers and seniors who are dating new people. My questions to you:
  • Have you talked to your parent about safer sex? 
  • If so, how did that conversation go? 
  • If not, was it because you didn't dare, didn't want to, or didn't have the words?
Arti Patel
First, a little background. I was interviewed extensively in "Seniors have sex – and the STI rates to prove it" by Arti Patel for Global News. This article addressed the rising rates of STIs among seniors in Canada, the reasons behind the rise, and what we can do about it. Patel wrote,

Joan Price, sex advocate and author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life, says the reason why the community has high STI rates is simple: they’re not using condoms.

After this article came out, Kelly Cutrara interviewed me about this topic on Talk Radio AM 640 in Toronto. (I apologize for the call quality -- the interview request was too fast to get to my landline.) She asked me how the younger generation can talk to their single parents about safer sex. How do they get beyond the embarrassment? What words can they use? What if their good intentions backfire?

I suggested that this approach might begin the conversation:

"I know it's incredibly awkward to talk about sex with my parent, but Mom [Dad], we need to do this. What do you know about safer sex? Are you using condoms?" 

[Parent:] "What? Why are we having this conversation?" 

"Because no one else will, and I care about you. I know that STI rates are rising among your age group. I want to make sure you're protected." 

If you have been at either end -- Boomer/senior parent or adult child -- of a similar conversation, what did you say? What was the outcome? Or if you have another idea about how this discussion should go, we'd all like to know your thoughts.

Please share by posting a comment here, and include your age. (If you have trouble posting, email me with your comment and the name you'd like to use -- it doesn't have to be yours -- and your age, and I'll post it for you.)  Let's get this discussion going.

Friday, August 18, 2017

Sex without Penetration: A Man’s View

The day after my first “Great Sex Without Penetration” webinar, I received this email from an attendee:

"How is it possible for a 69-year-old woman and a 72-year-old man to enjoy 3 continuous hours of non-stop sex and joyful lovemaking, and then fall contentedly to sleep? And pick right up in the morning, seemingly where we left off? Use Joan's "sex without penetration" method, and leave out any and all expectations! Really. I owe you a big time testimonial!"

A couple of months later, I gave this webinar again, and another man raved to me about how well the techniques and especially the attitude adjustment worked for him and his new lover. I asked if he was willing to say more, and he sent me this. I share with you with his approval:

Sex without Penetration

by Shamus MacDuff 

Like most heterosexual males who learned about sex via Playboy, locker room talk, and pornography, I grew up thinking that “real sex” involved putting my penis in a woman’s vagina and thrusting in and out until I ejaculated. Oh, how wrong I was!

Widowed at age 73 after two long marriages, I was very fortunate to meet a wonderful, sex-positive woman via an online dating site. We clicked almost instantly and soon became lovers.

Thankfully, by then I had taken Joan Price’s webinar, “Great Sex Without Penetration.” It taught me that loving, happy, joyous sex is much more than the classic sexual intercourse -- putting penis-in-vagina (PIV: a term I learned from the webinar) -- which I had thought defined sex. The webinar also surprised me with the fact that very few women achieve orgasms that way.

When this new woman and I were first exploring each other, open and caring communications about sex without penetration aided us in learning how to please each other and reach a crescendo of sexual joy.

My patient lover explained to me exactly how to bring her to orgasm, which had everything to do with clitoral stimulation and nothing to do with intercourse. Since the webinar emphasized the central importance of good communication toward achieving mutual pleasure and orgasm, I was grateful for my lover’s guidance.

Exploring each other without the goal of PIV also let us enjoy excitement and orgasms without any performance anxiety about whether my erection would be hard enough or last long enough. That didn’t matter!

I’ve discovered that giving a woman pleasure via cunnilingus and touching is highly arousing for me. giving me more excitement and pleasure than PIV. My lover equally enjoys pleasing me with fellatio, stroking, and sex toys. Another of Joan’s webinars, “Sex Toys for Seniors,” introduced me to the variety of sex toys and the many fun ways that they can be employed. I’m sure that other men will find, as I have, that these toys heighten sexual pleasure without penetration -- for us as well as for our partners!

So, listen up, guys: if you’re an older man in search of mutual pleasure and sexual fulfillment, sex without penetration is the way to go!

Note from Joan: If you'd like to take one of my workshops live, see my upcoming schedule here. But you don't have to wait for me to come to a city near you -- recordings of my webinars are available now. Info here. Email me for registration details.

Tuesday, August 01, 2017

Rumble: Unique, Lightweight Vibrator from Tantus

Do you want a vibrator that's well-designed, well-made, body-safe, and fairly strong -- with a truly ergonomic shape, size, and weight? Impossible, you say? Check out The Rumble from Tantus, a solution if you have wrist arthritis or any condition that makes it difficult to grip or hold up a wand vibrator for as long as it takes to get the job done.

I couldn't believe how light the Rumble is to hold: just 6.6 ounces. (For comparison, the Doxy Die Cast, fabulous as it is, weighs almost two pounds.) Tantus describes the Rumble as "featherweight," and I agree. The shape is also unique -- you can hold it in several different ways and it remains easy on the wrist. The silicone head is removable for easy cleaning -- it's even dishwasher safe.

I love the size of the head. The shape is versatile: you can use it flat-headed for all-over vulva sensations, or, if/when you prefer, tilt it so that the edge pinpoints your clitoris. Either way (or changing it up as you go), the sensation is yummy. Although I'm speaking from the point of view of a vulva owner, its use is not restricted to a particular gender -- all Tantus products are gender neutral. (I'd love to hear from you about how your penis enjoys it.)

The controls are large, easy to see (they even light up), and even if your hand is closed over them, you're not likely to press a button accidentally. Some vibrators are annoying because either any light touch turns the darn thing off, or the opposite, you have to use uncomfortable pressure. The Rumble has it right -- you can touch or glide over the buttons while adjusting how you want to hold it, and you won't accidentally turn it off. When you do want to change the settings, a light, intentional pressure will do it. The power button is placed far away from the "-" and "+" buttons, good thinking.

Is it as strong as the monster king vibrators I tend to prefer, like the Doxy Die Cast, Magic Wand, or Sybian? No, not even close. But for those of you who don't require a turbo power tool to get your orgasm going, you'll prefer the lightweight Rumble for the ergonomic qualities I described. Even if you usually do require mondo stimulation, you might find -- as I did! -- that when you're especially in the mood, this works just dandy.

The Rumble is USB rechargeable and has seven settings -- three intensities and four additional patterns. The vibrations at the lower settings are deep and rumbly, which makes the sensations especially pleasurable, though they do get buzzier with higher speeds. The Rumble is quieter than most wand vibrators.

Tantus is a wonderful company for many reasons. It's owned by one of my favorite sex educators and innovators, Metis Black. Metis spearheaded the silicone sex toy movement in 1997, long before the rest of us were aware of the health repercussions of the materials used in sex toys at that time. Metis values the health of her customers as much as our pleasure, plus she's a delightful, warm person.

If you're into dildos or butt plugs of any size or shape, take a look at the original silicone products created by Tantus. And don't miss the sex ed articles -- pegging, spanking, and how to bring up that sexual itch that's been tickling your brain, for example. Now I've got your attention!

Thank you, Tantus, for the gift of the Rumble in return for an honest review.

The review above was originally published 9/8/16. My 8/1/17 update:

The dear folks at Tantus sent me the Dorado Head to try with my Rumble. The Dorado has a  silicone "fin" shape that flicks and flutters, good for stimulating any erogenous zone that wants to be flicked and fluttered.

I found the sensation underwhelming for clitoral arousal, but my penis owner tester reported that it felt nice on his nipples and oh yeah, really, REALLY nice when fluttered up and down and on and around his penis.

For just an extra $24, this attachment makes the Rumble even more versatile. All the Rumble attachments (scroll down from here to view three styles) are easily interchangeable -- just pull off the regular head and substitute the attachment of your choice.
Bobby Joe helps me open
the Dorado packaging